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Question about baby showers...


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  #1  
November 24th, 2009, 09:55 PM
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Ok so I know it's a big etiquette no-no to throw your own baby shower, however I'm in a tad bit of a sticky situation. I live far away from my family and don't really have many good girl friends here. Certainly none that are good enough friends to throw me a baby shower. And none that I would expect to. Plus I'd really like it to be at my house and on my terms. So what do I do? Then to top that off, no one in my family seems to have any plans of having one for me back home. We live about 8 hours away but we go up there all the time and we have mentioned being excited for a baby shower with all of my friends from school and family back when we first got pregnant but nothing has been mentioned since then. So again, what do I do? Is it acceptable to throw my own in these situations or do I just not say anything and hope for the best??? Ugh I'm so confused....
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  #2  
November 24th, 2009, 10:06 PM
mylene169's Avatar Kaija and Kolbie's Mommy
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That's tough.... Could someone be planning a surprise? Maybe you should plan a trip back home in Feb. or March and heavily hint on how great it would be to have your shower then since you'll be home. If you want to have one yourself at your home, you could wait until baby is born and have a Welcome Baby party, that would be less awkward than a shower I think.
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  #3  
November 24th, 2009, 10:10 PM
~Claudia~'s Avatar mommy to Nico & Seba
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ditto Mylene, I think it is better to have a welcome baby party rather than to host your own shower..
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  #4  
November 24th, 2009, 10:11 PM
DondraB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^yeah I agree-just wait and see if someone gives you one..if not have a party when baby is born....

I lived in Cali and I'm from Tx when I was preggo with Kinley...and the church I attended while in San Diego gave me a wonderful shower-there wasn't even anyone that went there my age! They were all older ladies, but it was sooo nice! My mom and sister flew in for it!

The church I grew up in, however never even mentioned one..and I moved home when Kin was a month old.....not that I'm expecting one but I hope they do something this time around-especially if it is a boy! (esp since 2 girls at my church got a shower for their first baby AND their second!!!)

Anyways-just wait and see....I think it would be a little ackward to plan your own, you would have to do to cake, punch, games, location, decorations, etc....and thats the last thing you want to do when you are in your 3rd trimester-its easier to just go to one and let someone else take care of the details!
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  #5  
November 25th, 2009, 04:33 AM
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The only problem with a welcome baby party instead of a baby shower is that I'm kinda counting on the shower to get alot of the stuff I need. We're not in a terrible financial situation, but not in a good one either. So a shower would be a much appreciated gesture. And as for being so involved in the planning, I actually WANT to do that stuff lol. I don't want a traditional baby shower with all the goofy games and decorations and what not. I'm wanting more of a barbeque with friends, men and women, and just a good time sitting around talking and having a good time, enjoying some food. Traditional baby showers make me feel extra uncomfortable to go to and it's not even for me! lol.
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  #6  
November 25th, 2009, 04:58 AM
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In that case maybe you can plan a trip home and mention to someone you're close to - friend or family - that you'd love to have a shower to catch up with everyone at once while you're home, and would she want to host one for you...???
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  #7  
November 25th, 2009, 05:42 AM
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Honestly all of this etiquette is for the birds lol. I mean, what if you have a lot of friends and family who dont have money to throw you a shower, but you have it (hypothetical situation). A friend of mine lives with her husband up here and both of their families live far. So what she did was she funded the baby shower but literally created a team of people that she knew to throw it. It was a success and nobody complained much.

I say talk to your family back home and ask them if they'll help you plan a baby shower (there's nothing wrong with that). Only ask those who are either 1) your true/best friends and 2) close family. Or you might want to mention that you're thinking about throwing your own shower to someone to see if they try to prevent you from doing so which means that either 1) its a surprise or 2) they're going to do it, they know who's going to do it, or they'll help you.
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  #8  
November 25th, 2009, 06:17 AM
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I agree that you should talk to someone you're very close to. I'm an only child and didn't really have any close friends who would plan one with my first DD so my mom and I talked about it and planned a small one for some family and some friends of hers who also knew me growing up etc. I did my invites, my favors, planned what we'd do, and helped my mom cook and decorate my house.
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  #9  
November 25th, 2009, 07:42 AM
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I have 3 kids this one will be my 4th the 3 are all Boys and I had a Baby Shower with the 1st 2.. even though they say if you're having the opposite gender then its alright to have a baby shower I just dont feel right so I'm just going to throw a Welcome Home Party for 2 weekends after baby and i are home
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  #10  
November 25th, 2009, 08:55 AM
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I honestly won't go to a baby shower thrown by the person it's for. The reason being - generally it's only a party because the person wants a gift and I HATE feeling obligated like I NEED to buy somebody something. If you want me at your party because you like me, GREAT! But if you want me there to buy you something, well I have an issue with that.
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  #11  
November 25th, 2009, 09:11 AM
Max n Meghan's Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wouldn't put too much stock in the gifts anyway. Sure sometimes people get a lot of stuff they need or want...but most of the time guests don't use your registry and you get a lot of things you don't need.

At my shower for Max I got 3 blankets, a bathtub, 4 outfits, a teddy bear and an insane amount of bibs.
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  #12  
November 25th, 2009, 09:18 AM
CuteName's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hey Sailors Wife...I feel your pain My hubbie is in the Navy and we moved up here over the summer and other than my neighbors whose hubbie he works with I know NO ONE. I probably won't have a baby shower at all and it's kind of a depressing thought for me too. It's tough being away from family and friends and being dropped into a new town where you are pretty much alone being pregnant.

That's why I'm glad I at least have the ladies on here to chat with every day.
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  #13  
November 25th, 2009, 10:13 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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What if you went home for a visit and mentioned to your mom that you'd like to have a barbecue get together with friends and family as a last hurrah before the baby comes. You don't have to say it's a shower and that gets you out of feeling like your too pushy asking for one. If you phrase it that way, I bet some people will bring gifts so you might get some stuff without it being an actual shower. It's possible that by mentioning the barbecue idea, some friends and family will take it one step further and make it a shower. I hope it works out!
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  #14  
November 25th, 2009, 11:06 AM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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Okay, I'm going to seem like the stubborn/ignorant one, but why does someone else HAVE to host the baby shower? Why does it really matter if you do or don't? Once everyone is there, it's going to carry out the same whether or not you or your mother or someone else throws it. Baby shower games are always the same (or very similar), the food would be the same, and people are still going to bring gifts. I mean, why do those people even have to KNOW that someone else didn't plan it out? I'm in the hypothetical situation that Chelnae mentioned: DH and I make more money than any of our parents or siblings. None of them can financially afford to throw us one, so yes, I will be hosting my own.

Honestly, before I even heard about this baby shower etiquette, I was going to throw my own, anyway, just like we threw our own wedding. That's because I'm kind of a control freak, and I want things to go in just a certain way, and be in my control. And when someone else throws MY baby's party, I feel like I can't make suggestions or anything like that.

So, I guess I'm the oddball here! I'll be hosting my own, not only because I have to, but because I want to. Who cares about silly old customs? This is the 21st century, and lots of traditions get thrown out the window without such a big reaction from others. I'm pretty positive that no one will care WHO hosts the baby shower, as long as there's a baby shower! lol
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  #15  
November 25th, 2009, 12:34 PM
CanadianLou's Avatar Laura - mom of 3
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I'm on the fence on this one.

I'm so not the type of person who likes to go with tradition or old customs JUST because. I'm very open minded to anything. I honestly WOULD attend a baby shower hosted by the mother herself. It doesn't bother me AT ALL in the slightest what other people decide for themselves.....

However, that said, I would have a hard time hosting my own baby shower. Because to me, a baby shower is just that showering mom and baby with gifts. I feel bad asking others for Gifts for myself and baby. If it was a friends or family members idea to throw the shower....(even with a little hint from me)..and they say "Hey everyone, lets shower Laura and baby with gifts", then I don't feel as bad. I don't ask for gifts at xmas, or b-day etc, people give if they feel they want to. I did throw my own wedding, but I had the wedding to celebrate our love, not ask for gifts and gifts were not expected. But I sort of feel that Gifts are what a baby shower is all about. Same with a wedding shower, and I'd never throw my own wedding shower either. No one organized one for me, so I didn't get one. I really think this is an issue of wondering what people would think of me if I did throw my own...haha So I just can't bring myself to do it.

But as I said above, I don't judge anyone for throwing their own if they feel comfortable or better doing it. It is sad to not get a shower because of some of the reasons I saw posted here. I know if no one decides to throw one for me I'll be a bit bummed about it since they are fun and I need everything since my DD is 7 yrs old. But I'll live if they don't.
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  #16  
November 25th, 2009, 12:41 PM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krissy1989 View Post
Okay, I'm going to seem like the stubborn/ignorant one, but why does someone else HAVE to host the baby shower? Why does it really matter if you do or don't? Once everyone is there, it's going to carry out the same whether or not you or your mother or someone else throws it. Baby shower games are always the same (or very similar), the food would be the same, and people are still going to bring gifts. I mean, why do those people even have to KNOW that someone else didn't plan it out? I'm in the hypothetical situation that Chelnae mentioned: DH and I make more money than any of our parents or siblings. None of them can financially afford to throw us one, so yes, I will be hosting my own.

Honestly, before I even heard about this baby shower etiquette, I was going to throw my own, anyway, just like we threw our own wedding. That's because I'm kind of a control freak, and I want things to go in just a certain way, and be in my control. And when someone else throws MY baby's party, I feel like I can't make suggestions or anything like that.

So, I guess I'm the oddball here! I'll be hosting my own, not only because I have to, but because I want to. Who cares about silly old customs? This is the 21st century, and lots of traditions get thrown out the window without such a big reaction from others. I'm pretty positive that no one will care WHO hosts the baby shower, as long as there's a baby shower! lol

I totally agree. When I get an invitation to any type of shower I don't look to see who the host of the party is. So if it's at a restaurant I never know who threw the shower. I feel that what's important is that you are celebrating this new baby (or brie/groom) not the host.

So I say go for it!
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  #17  
November 26th, 2009, 07:58 AM
Max n Meghan's Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Baby and wedding showers have a lot of rules. The Perfect Baby Shower Etiquette

Times have of course changed and people don't play by the rules like they used to.

I would attend a shower hosted by the mom but I don't think it's proper. It's like asking for a handout. Much better to have a celebration instead. If you must do it before, play with the wording. Don't say baby shower, say "Celebrate ____'s Pregnancy/Baby" etc. Make it a party rather than a shower.

Maybe you could have your husband call your family and tell them he would like to help plan a shower there. That was the only way I found out the date of mind, which since it was a week before my son was born is a good thing!
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  #18  
November 26th, 2009, 09:47 AM
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I'm in the same situation...i live in a different country than my family (they are all in canada) and I dont have many close friends here anymore since they all moved about a year ago. Even before i got pregnant I had decided that i wouldn't have a baby shower. I didn't want the awkwardness of throwing my own (I"m a pretty shy/quiet person so thats' not my style) and alot of my friends are going to be sending me stuff anyways. I have a sneaky feeling they might try to do something at work, but again, im not really close with anyone there and not really into being the center of attention. Am I sad to now have the typical baby shower with family and friends there to "oooh" and "ahh" over gifts and stuff. sure...but really i feel okay with it. I think its more of a personal decision than anything!
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  #19  
November 26th, 2009, 03:55 PM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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I forgot to address the awkwardness of it! I didn't mean to make it sound as if that couldn't/wouldn't be a problem. I suppose that, in my case, it's not a problem because I've already had about 15 people invite themselves to my shower, which I haven't even gotten to plan yet! So, I have no problem hosting my own, simply because we're the only ones who can afford to do so, and everybody whom we know is expecting one. Therefore, they don't care who's hosting it. They probably won't even ask, and if they do, I can just say that my mom helped me or something (which she probably will, when it comes to games and food). If awkwardness is going to be a problem, then I guess just hosting your own could pose as a problem. But, again, you could just say that your mom is funding it. When you need help, you need help, and baby showers are a fantastic way to help prepare our little ones for their birth day. I'm sure most people enjoy helping out, regardless of who's hosting.
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  #20  
November 27th, 2009, 11:40 AM
LisaBrown's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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In my opinion, you should check with friends and family home to see if anything is planned or even to see if you might get a surprise shower, but even then, if you want to plan your own and have everyone over at your place and you are comfortable with that, go ahead and do it!! The only thing that should matter is that you are happy and have friends and family there to celebrate with. Anyone who has a problem with it probably just won't go, so what's the big deal? You will never, ever be able to make EVERYONE happy, so just go ahead and make yourself happy! That's what I would do! I'm very lucky to have an older sister who is the event planning queen, so I already know that I will have a great shower and that she will check evrything over with me before to make sure I approve and I am allowed to help with whatever I feel like, and if I don't want to or am too tired, she will take care of everything with the rest of my friends and family. But if I was in your situation and wanted to host my own shower, I would, and whoever had a problem with that could just stay home. Etiquette isn't for everyone, so why worry about it? I say it's totally your call!
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