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Moms with other children HELP! Little rant!


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
December 3rd, 2009, 04:00 PM
Number3ontheway's Avatar Regular
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Posts: 51
Ok so my son is in 1st grade and brought home quite a bit of homework tonight, which I don't understand, but anyway he is sitting at the kitchen table yelling at me because I won't "help" him with it. WHich actually means he wants me to give him the answers and I won't. So would it be really wrong of me to make him put it all up and let him get a zero? I refuse to let him sit and yell at me like it's my fault that I won't give him the answers. Or should I just give him the answers? It is driving me crazy and has become an every night thing. Getting him to do his homework is like pulling teeth! Help Please before I go nuts
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  #2  
December 3rd, 2009, 04:07 PM
CanadianLou's Avatar Laura - mom of 3
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uggg, I feel your pain. Homework was one of my main worries about becoming a mom. I honestly just don't agree with home work. They have like 8 hrs a day to do work. LOL Thankfully my DH enjoys helping more than I do. I don't think I would GIVE the answers, but maybe give hints and help them to figure it out. Not sure if that helps a lot, but I wanted to let you know I feel your pain.
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  #3  
December 3rd, 2009, 04:13 PM
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mine aren't school age yet, but I wouldn't give them answers. I think that is a great age to let them know that they can make choices. he can choose to not follow through with the homework and get a zero, and get a bad grade, but then let him know that choice has a consequence if that's his choice. Like if it were my son I would let him know if he didn't try and got bad grades, then if he came home with bad grades he would be grounded from his favorite toy or whatever he likes most for X amount of time. it may help him to make it his own responsibilty rather than yours to do his homework
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  #4  
December 3rd, 2009, 04:43 PM
homeschooling mom of 2
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I'm sorry, no real advice since though I do have a kindergarten age daughter I homeschool her. I suppose I'd try to figure out the real underlying problem... is he frustrated because he really doesn't understand what he's supposed to do, in which case you can do your best to explain it and help him understand or request extra attention at school. Is he trying to just get your attention and using this as an excuse? Is he overwhelmed or even underwhelmed with the amount of work they are asking him to do. As tempting as it is just to yell at him or give him the answers he is really young still and I'm guessing his attitude about it is actually brought on by something deeper... or if you're sure its none of the above and he's just being a bratt about it then let him learn the consequence of not doing the work and not asking for your assistance polietly by getting a poor grade on it etc.

:::hugs:::
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  #5  
December 3rd, 2009, 06:27 PM
CuteName's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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They can use a little help at that age. Maybe he just doesn't want to sit alone and do it. It's kind of hard to expect them to form their homework/study habits perfectly when they're only in first grade. You have to figure at school they have other kids and the teacher always around. They will reach an age where they don't want your help or want you around so I'd sit for a little while if you can make the time and listen.

I think kids learn better when their parents help out. Don't answer anything, but you can ask some creative questions to help get them thinking on their own and make doing homework seem more fun and less like work. My kids are in 2nd & 4th grade and always want answers, but they have learned that I will hint and help but not answer for them.

You're helping to mold them into the type of student they're going to be
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  #6  
December 3rd, 2009, 06:30 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Don't make him put it up and get a zero, but do make him put it away for a little bit so you can both calm down. Then, get it back out and try to guide him through but let him know you can't give him the answers becuase it would be cheating. Make sure you write a note to the teacher to tell her how long it took him to do homework. The reason for doing his is two fold...number one, many teacher try not to give more than an hour or two of hw a night. If it takes longer they want to know about it becuase somethings not right. Number two, sometimes it indicates that a child is either not using thier time wisely in class, or not completeing classwork assignments or is in some other way letting things build up and the reason for that needs to be addressed.
As a last resort, if he keeps yelling at you and you are getting no where except frustrated,then tell him to finish it the best he can and walk away from the situation even if he has to complete it in his room. Then attach a note explaining what happened and what you had to do.
Homework sucks a big one and can get very frustrating. I know exactly what you are talking about! Good luck!!!
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  #7  
December 3rd, 2009, 06:37 PM
jen*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom at Home View Post
I'm sorry, no real advice since though I do have a kindergarten age daughter I homeschool her. I suppose I'd try to figure out the real underlying problem... is he frustrated because he really doesn't understand what he's supposed to do, in which case you can do your best to explain it and help him understand or request extra attention at school. Is he trying to just get your attention and using this as an excuse? Is he overwhelmed or even underwhelmed with the amount of work they are asking him to do. As tempting as it is just to yell at him or give him the answers he is really young still and I'm guessing his attitude about it is actually brought on by something deeper... or if you're sure its none of the above and he's just being a bratt about it then let him learn the consequence of not doing the work and not asking for your assistance polietly by getting a poor grade on it etc.

:::hugs:::

I agree with this a lot. I think it's one thing if he just doesn't want to sit and do it, but he does get it, but if he doesn't get it, then there is more to the situation.

I understand the homework thing, but I have to tell you as a teacher that we get a lot of pressure from both sides -- not enough/too much. Granted, I teach 8th grade so it is a little different. I still want my students to enjoy being young and not be cooped up all night every night, but I'm not doing my job if I don't prepare them for their futures.

Also, maybe talk to the teacher if you haven't already. He/she might be able to offer you some insight. It sure seems like having a lot of homework in 1st grade is over the top to me, but I don't know much about elementary school stuff. Good luck!
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  #8  
December 3rd, 2009, 07:43 PM
Amanda C's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Don't give him the answers. Sit and talk with him and try to help him work through it.

My niece was like that and now she's in fifth grade and doing homework with her is horrid. My MIL started giving her answers early on and now she flat out expects it. Last time I helped her with homework she had a story to read and she wanted me to read it to HER instead. I told her no I would help her sound out the words and read it but she had to do the work herself.
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  #9  
December 3rd, 2009, 09:27 PM
lauriebeth's Avatar mommy to Riley Grace
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I would talk to the teacher and ask him/her how long homework should generally take, and also what help they should need on it. The homework I sent home on a nightly basis wasn't something any students should have problems with. It was always a review of what I had taught that day (meant to reinforce). Also, I never graded homework. I corrected it, sure... I wanted to check to see how students did independently, but I didn't want to take a grade on something a parent might have helped one child with but another kid may have done totally on his own.
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  #10  
December 4th, 2009, 08:35 AM
KasieH's Avatar Super Mommy
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My DD is in second grade and we go through the same thing. It is not that the work is too hard, she just does not want to even try. I refuse to spell words for her and things like that. I make her try first and then I tell her what part is wrong. I do help her, but I never giver her the answers. When she gets an attitude with me about it I either say I will talk with her teacher about her attitude or I take something of hers away after one warning. It does not put her in a good mood, but she loses the smart attitude with me.

I would try to tell him you will help him when he starts to try. Also, depending on what the work is, I tell DD to read the question to me out loud and that alone usually helps her figure it out without me.
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  #11  
December 4th, 2009, 08:59 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Definitely don't give him the answers. Would it help to talk to his teacher to find out what his attitude towards class work is like? Maybe that can help you find out if he just doesn't want to do the work because he has other priorities or if he really needs extra help. My sister was like that with her math homework a little later in school. She didn't understand it, but she also didn't want to put the time and effort into trying to understand it. She wanted my mom to give her the answers so she could avoid doing something she thought was hard. I was the opposite. I wanted the answers because I understood it immediately in class and didn't see the need to reinforce the lesson at home. Homework was boring to me. My mom's solution was very different for me and my sister. For me, she would set a timer and I had to sit at the kitchen table in front of her and do all of my homework within the time frame. It helped me realize that I could get the easy stuff done quickly, and still have plenty of time for less boring things that I wanted to do. For my sister, my mom would sit at the table with her all night if it took that long giving hints but refusing answers. I hope you can figure out the best solution for your son!
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  #12  
December 4th, 2009, 09:12 AM
babymine's Avatar Veteran
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I was a teacher for a few years before DS came along. In my class, homework is never graded, but it is checked. The reason I felt homework is necessary is to 1) Reinforce the lesson that has been taught in class that day/week. 2) To give the parents a glimps at what their children are learning.

PLEASE do NOT give your child the answers. I understand homework is frustrating for parent and child sometimes, but it is even more frustrating knowing a parent did their child's homework. When I would find out a parent did my students work, I'd have to make phone calls explaining to them that I wanted to know what the student can do...not the parent.

Maybe the increase in homeowrk has a reason...preparing for Holiday break...test coming up? I'd send the teacher an email inquiring if the work load has increased. Maybe it actually hasn't and its taking your child longer because he doesnt understand it.

Good luck and hang in there.
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  #13  
December 4th, 2009, 09:29 AM
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When he's doing his homework, do you actually sit down and help him or do you just give him the answers.

I know I'd get knocked upside my head and I'd knock my nieces and nephews upside their head if they ever thought they could get away with yelling at me.

The best approach is to help him do one or two problem and then let him do one or two on his own until he gets it. He'll get frustrated those time where you DONT help him but eventually he'll understand that he MUST do it on his own. When I tutored, I'd let them attempt to show me how the teacher taught them and then go from there b/c at least I know that they're trying. I havent tutored in about year but tutored math and science for years at church and through an organization. I dont know if you believe in this, but knock him upside the head the next time he tries to yell at you.

Quote:
For my sister, my mom would sit at the table with her all night if it took that long giving hints but refusing answers.
That approach is time consuming but it works wonders b/c no one really likes to sit at the table and do homework all night esp if their fav shows are coming on.
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  #14  
December 4th, 2009, 11:00 AM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Been there - Done that.

Never "give" them the answers. My MIL did that with her kids and now that DH is going back to school - he drives me crazy asking to "help" him.

Hints are good and I do that with my kids.
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  #15  
December 5th, 2009, 11:41 AM
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I feel your pain exactly I have a first grader as well and she instead of yelling will just start sobbing *cause **it** won't give me the answer* (as she is looking at the paper expecting *it* to give her the answer ) She is above with her reading but she seems to not want to do the math for me but once BF gets home from work he can get her to figure it out on her own! I have told her though that if she wants help I will help otherwise she can just hand it in as she has it which causes more sobbing and that I'm a HORRIBLE mom <hehe> I think thats been my new title for a while though. But this is what I do and so far I haven't gotten in to much trouble because I WILL NOT give them the answer though I have been more than tempted just to get it done lol.
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  #16  
December 5th, 2009, 03:48 PM
niema's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh I dread homework time. I get so frustrated easily and I feel bad that sometimes Im the one needing to take a break away from the homework. I do not give my dd the answers. I'd probably help her with one or maybe two of the answers but I expect her to follow what Im telling her and catch on to beable to do the rest on her own. I'll sit there until she's finished. She's getting better at it though and will even start working on it herself and bring it to me when she's finshed. Sometimes I'll have to help her redo some of her answers and sometimes she gets them all right, which makes me very proud.
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