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need opinions please* * * and just venting about DH * * UPDATE


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
December 5th, 2009, 05:09 AM
Meganpixel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hello Ladies,

I have been having a rough couple of weeks with DH. As some of you know he was gone for 6 weeks for guard training in Alabama. They day after he returned, we had our BIG us. Found out that we are having a girl....

At first DH was in shock and honestly not too excited, he really wanted a boy. This left me feeling sad and not excited. A few hours past and we talked, the whole girl thing terrifies him, he's already thinking 14 years down the road when she is a teenager and how worried he is going to be. I think a lot of men go through these thoughts and I know once she is here- she will have him wrapped around his finger.

Now a few weeks have past and I have been buying little things here and there ( bought like one outfit). He doesnt like me buying things, he thinks I should wait until after I have my shower) In the mean time family members are buying things and he doesnt get excited about these things like I do. It makes me upset.

Our spare room which will soon be the baby's room, is in shambles now. Its the one room we have not touched since moving into this house. We are in the process of taking down the sports wall paper only to find a border that was painted over underneath, there is a lot to do. Well in talking about colors, he is soooooo against what I want. A very light very light lavender purple ( which will go great with the bedding that we choose). He doesn't want anything pink or purple. Hes soo against it. I just don't get it. Why should he care sooo much especially if the color is like almost a light gray color. We bought a crib and it came with a free umbrella stroller. The choice was blue or pink. Its obvious I picked the pink, it arrived and he is like why did you get the pink. What is his issue with PINK? She is a girl and that is that. I am just getting so frustrated with him. I even slept on the couch last night out of spite. Its his guard weekend this weekend so he is working both days. I wont get to see him. I am still just fired up and scared that he is upset that he is having a girl.

We have just been fighting more, we got a new sectional for our living room last weekend. It was delivered on Thursday and I have been re-arranging the room. Now the side tables don't fit and I would like to get one of those ladder book cases. I like things to look nice and put together, he doent think I am practical.

Btw he has a "mancave" in the basement with two TV's and every gaming system you can imagine- I never say a word about that. I just want our daughters room to be special and I want my living room to look put together...

Does anyone else's DH give you a hard time about decorating your house like mine?

Thanks for listening to me vent...

I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

* * * * UPDATE* * * *

He came home tonight after his and my long day (rollerskating birthday party for DS and boy am I tired) greeted me at the stove with a huge hug and kiss. Said that I could paint the room whatever color I wanted to. I don't know what got over him. I am sure he was talking to a bunch of people at guard about it. I think he also had lots of time to think about everything at work today. Thanks for listening to me vent.
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Last edited by Meganpixel; December 5th, 2009 at 04:19 PM.
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  #2  
December 5th, 2009, 05:22 AM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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I'm sorry that you feel this way. Honestly, he probably is just stressed, and it's most likely not just because you're having a girl. It's probably just baby-stress in and of itself. He might be a teeny disappointed that it's a girl, but as soon as she's born, you know he's going to flip a 180 and love his "daddy's girl" with all his heart.

And I'm sorry that I can't sympathize with you completely about your house-decorating. But DH and I don't own a house yet--we rent. So, we can't change the colors of the walls, anyway. We have a second bedroom which will become the nursery, and the walls will just remain white. Really, though, if you know what will look best furniture-wise, just do it anyway and then show him the result. But don't be rearranging heavy furniture by yourself! Take care of your body!

Also, the color that you described doesn't sound overwhelmingly girly at all. It's not like you want vibrant pink or something. You're choosing a color that could fit a girl's room regardless of age. Perhaps your DH just isn't looking forward to a bunch of pink, lace, and frilly things. I think that's normal for a guy, since it's so foreign to them. Because it's not foreign to you, I think that you should talk to you DH about letting you be in control of the nursery decorations. I mean, unfortunately, you're not going to choose the sports theme and blue paint that he maybe wants.
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  #3  
December 5th, 2009, 05:40 AM
Max n Meghan's Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I be off here, but I bet you, he'd argue over yellow too. It sounds like he's stressed about the money and being a dad. Is this your first baby together? Even if it's not, I know my husband freaks out over things I want to get for the baby because of money...even when things are good.

Have you talked to him about how you feel? Told him that his reactions make you feel like he's not happy about your daughter and make you feel isolated?

It's very common for men to get a form of PPD as well. All those hormones we throw out into the air get picked up and sometimes our men get depressed to.

But that doesn't mean that you need to feel left out and hurt, so talk to him. Maybe go do something that's just about you two and not about the baby or household stress.
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  #4  
December 5th, 2009, 08:32 AM
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It seems like he wouldve gotten mad if you chose the blue stroller too! Maybe buy some yellow and green (neutral color) clothes to see what he says.

Im sorry I cant sympathize with you, my BD, although he isnt as overly excited as I am about babies, wouldve rather have had a girl than a boy. So no problems there. As soon as she gets here, he'll change. He probably had his mind set on having a son for A LONG TIME!

I know I had a brother (he was a jr) who died the yr b4 I was born and I know that my dad wanted me to be a boy. But my parents didnt find out my gender til I came out of the womb screaming. But I was here so there was nothing he could do about it besides be grateful for that fact alone.
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  #5  
December 5th, 2009, 11:32 AM
Meganpixel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks girls.....Its been on my mind all day. We are good at talking to one another but sometimes I just want to feel sorry for myself instead of talking it out with him. Hopefully when he gets home tonight we can talk without arguing.

This is our first together. I have a son- I have sole custody- Logan is like his though and its completely wonderful. I am soo lucky that he loves my son so much like his own.

I think I am over emotional too
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  #6  
December 5th, 2009, 04:19 PM
Meganpixel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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updated*
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  #7  
December 5th, 2009, 04:52 PM
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I know he's going to love his little girl and won't change a thing once she arrives!

To me, reading about the colour of the wall and the pink umbrella stroller, it's almost like doing these girly things makes him feel he won't have a son in the future. (I know he has your ds which is wonderful but sounds like it was important to him to have a bio son maybe?).

I'm glad he's changed his mind about the room but my view on that otherwise would have been to compromise and paint it a neutral colour - like light green which could be used for a baby boy or girl. And before you suggested colours, asked him what his ideas were (so he couldn't just shoot all your ideas down in flames!!)

As for the umbrella stroller, I think I would just have said well seeing as it was free, I thought I may as well choose the colour for the gender we are having. If it were a stroller you were paying loads for, I'd understand wanting to go for a neutral colour rather than thinking about putting a boy baby in a pink stroller further down the line . I don't know - it really does just sound like he wants to still feel like there's a chance of a boy baby down the line and buying all pink things now makes him think that's less likely?

anyway it sounds like it's sorted out so I'm glad you're feeling a lot better.

And as for the mancave!! Sounds fair if you don't comment on his space, that he could give you a bit more leeway with what you want in your new living room.. good luck!!
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  #8  
December 6th, 2009, 04:09 AM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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I'm glad he made a turnaround. Sometimes people just need time away to think their own irrational behavior over. He probably feels bad for making his pregnant wife stress over such things.
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