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Name Decision...And First Time Putting My Foot Down - UPDATE


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
January 6th, 2010, 09:16 PM
Bosley's Avatar Hillary
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Dallas, TX
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UPDATE: So I'm at a small dinner party at the baby's father's house last night, and one of his friends asks if we've chosen a name yet. He tells them "NOT YET". I responded "That's not exactly true. One of us has chosen a name and started calling the baby by that name, the other one of us just hasn't accepted it yet!!!" Yesterday we were on the phone and I thought he said something along the lines of that he had come up with a few more name ideas, but he said it quickly as we were rushing to get off the phone so I wasn't sure that was what he said. AARGH - he is just not getting it. I think because guys aren't carrying the babies they don't have quite the same type of attachment to the actual child that we do at this stage - i.e. to me this baby already has a clear identity, name, etc. because I feel him every day, know his "habits", talk to him every day, etc. Oh well, I'm the one filling out the birth certificate so its all good, right? LOL



For those who haven't seen my other posts, I am going to be a "single mother by choice". A close friend was my IUI donor as we decided it would be nicer than going with an anonymous donor from a cryobank. We spent a long time weighing the pros and cons both for the baby and for each of us, our friendship, etc. and are both thrilled with our decision and the baby-to-be. We have a contract giving me full legal/custodial and decision-making rights, baby will be raised with my religion, if anything were to happen to me my family would get custody, etc. But we are good friends and both intend for him to be at the birth, involved in the baby's upbringing, etc. He has been very supportive.

SO, I finally made up my mind on a name. Somehow we quickly came up with a beautiful girls name that we both loved, loved, loved. Then we found out the baby is a boy After much contemplating I have pretty much decided on "James Aiden". James was my dad's name (he passed away not quite two years ago) and the "A" is in honor of my grandmother whose name started with "A". Originally I thought I didn't want to use my dad's name as I thought it would be too hard on me emotionally or that it would feel strange. We played around with a lot of different choices and then suddenly in the last month or two my feelings have totally changed. Names that I thought were "exotic" or interesting no longer appeal to me and I have already started thinking of the baby as "Sweet Baby James" (and constantly humming the James Taylor song). I may name him James and call him "Jamie" though. And so, despite telling other people I haven't fully made up my mind, to me he is pretty much already James Aiden.

SO, had lunch with the baby's dad yesterday and he doesn't really like the name :-( He thinks they are both too commonly used. I am so bummed, bummed, bummed. Like I said, in the end the decision is ultimately mine. And he is not the type of person to fight me on this. I'm just disappointed as I was hoping he would have the same warm feelings and excitement about the name as I do. (Well, not the assocation with my dad, but just the same feeling that he had about the girls name that we had both liked.) Other people who I've told really like the name. I'm sad that he doesn't.

Also this is the first real time where I play the single-mommy card - i.e. officially its my decision. I'm a bit of a people-pleaser so this is going to take some getting used to. I know there will be many times over the years where I have to put my feelings and judgment first.

Phew, mommyhood is hard, and the baby isn't even born yet! LOL

Last edited by Bosley; January 18th, 2010 at 02:00 PM.
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  #2  
January 6th, 2010, 11:20 PM
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I think if you love the name then you should just name him that name. Especially since you'll be the sole parent. I'm sorry he was down on the name though, I think it's a great name!
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  #3  
January 7th, 2010, 05:37 AM
Amanda C's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think if you like the name that much you should use it! I'm sure he'll come around.
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  #4  
January 7th, 2010, 06:01 AM
Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy's Avatar Mega Momma
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I agree, you are going to be sole parent of this boy you are bringing into life, so its YOUR choice... and by the way.. GREAT name choice, i love it.

who cares if someone doesnt like it? my family are ifty about the possible name choice I have, but I dont care and they don't really say much cause they know its not their choice.. lol
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  #5  
January 7th, 2010, 06:05 AM
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Congrats on finding a name you love, especially one with so much meaning for you. I agree even though it goes against your personality you have to stand your ground on this and let him know you're disappointed he doesn't love the name but you do, end of story.
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  #6  
January 7th, 2010, 06:17 AM
LisaBrown's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think it's a beautiful name and if you love it and it is so close to your heart, you should definitly use it! Plus, if your friend is as supportive as he seems, he will understand and will most likely grow to love it once he is used to it. I seriously love the name!!! If we were English, I also probably would have chosen Aiden, there aren't very many around where we live and no one we know has that name...oh well!
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  #7  
January 7th, 2010, 07:07 AM
Kittynoah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I love the name - but I am biased because my DH is a James! And his middle name starts with an "A". It may be uncomfortable at first to put your foot down, but you are the one who will raise this little boy for the rest of his life. So you get to choose. I am sure he will warm to the name when the baby is here. That is one reason we are not telling anyone the name until the baby is born. Once a person sees the beautiful baby, they don't care so much about the name!
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  #8  
January 7th, 2010, 07:13 AM
Max n Meghan's Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Stick to your guns. It's a great name! Besides, if you're going to be a single parent, you should be able to pick the name. And to name your son after your father is something you deserve.
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  #9  
January 7th, 2010, 07:24 AM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Love the name! It flows very nice which will come in handy when he is being a sticker and the whole name has to be used.

Just remember like the everyone else has said - you are the parent!
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  #10  
January 7th, 2010, 08:59 AM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Once he's here and thats his name he'll look like no other name, and the Father will come around.
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  #11  
January 7th, 2010, 09:07 AM
Love_the_Shoes's Avatar Love my girls!!
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I love the name too and it means so much to you regarding your father and grandmother.

The father will come around. He sounds like he's doing a great job being supportive though. Which probably helps your stress levels not be out of whack. If for some reason he doesn't come around, then c'est la vie. This LO is YOUR baby, so you can name him anything you want. But keep the faith alive and try and think optimistically.
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  #12  
January 7th, 2010, 09:20 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Location: North Carolina
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I agree that you should use the name. It has meaning to you, and frankly you are the sole parent and he is technically just the sperm donor. I know that's not really the sentiment you have when he is a close friend. I'm sure he'll come around.
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  #13  
January 7th, 2010, 12:29 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Great name! Don't worry about hurting feelings- I'm sure your baby's dad knows and understand the situation. He'll love the baby and forget his name disapointment when the baby is born anyhow!
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  #14  
January 18th, 2010, 02:01 PM
Bosley's Avatar Hillary
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 1,141
UPDATE: So I'm at a small dinner party at the baby's father's house last night, and one of his friends asks if we've chosen a name yet. He tells them "NOT YET". I responded "That's not exactly true. One of us has chosen a name and started calling the baby by that name, the other one of us just hasn't accepted it yet!!!" Yesterday we were on the phone and I thought he said something along the lines of that he had come up with a few more name ideas, but he said it quickly as we were rushing to get off the phone so I wasn't sure that was what he said. AARGH - he is just not getting it. I think because guys aren't carrying the babies they don't have quite the same type of attachment to the actual child that we do at this stage - i.e. to me this baby already has a clear identity, name, etc. because I feel him every day, know his "habits", talk to him every day, etc. Oh well, I'm the one filling out the birth certificate so its all good, right? LOL
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