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Vent ... need your advice


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
January 16th, 2010, 05:11 PM
sweatshirtgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 910
I must be a really sucky friend...this is my 2nd vent about friends this week...

I could go on for DAYS but will make it short. I have a friend (kinda close, met her thru my kids about 5 years ago, but we don't really chat on the phone, mostly online or IRL occasionally) who was going thru a lot of financial trouble - her DH lost his job and they had no money, had to sell their house and move in with the inlaws (and her marriage was shaky). I knew she was having a hard time with everything. This was a year or so ago. She moved a few towns away. I kept emailing her to make sure she was ok and got no reponse - I found out she had no internet. So I called her inlaws house multiple times and left messages. I never once got a call back. Maybe a few emails saying she got my call but they didn't say much. So I figured she needed some time to process what was going on and I stopped calling to give her some space.

Fast forward to now, she's all over FB, playing games, etc... but doesn't really comment on my stuff. I email her today to see if something is up, is she mad, and she literally UNLOADS on me about how I wasn't there for her blah blah blah.

Seriously, the only other thing I could have done would have been to barge into her inlaws house, uninvited, and insist that she speak with me. I feel I did everything I could.

What would you have done? Give her space, or invade her privacy and insist she speak with you?

Tell me the truth, if I was a crappy friend, I can take it, but I just want to know which one of us is crazy.
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  #2  
January 16th, 2010, 05:15 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
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I would tell her how much you tried and just leave it at that. she sure never called to try to len on your shoulder either
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  #3  
January 16th, 2010, 05:19 PM
Shelli1981's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Linwood, Pa
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I dont think that at all.. In Fact I think She was being a Crappy Friend, You reached out to her Numerous times and she never really responded to you.. I would've did the exact same thing you did, I would've reached out let her know I'm here if she needed me etc.. and leave the ball in her court, If she didn't get back to me then I'd take it that she wanted her privacy and I would leave it at that and wait until i hear from her when she was ready..
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  #4  
January 16th, 2010, 05:27 PM
becker206's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Wyoming
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It doesn't sound like SHE tried very hard to keep in contact with you! Don't sweat it hon, you didn't do anything wrong.
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  #5  
January 16th, 2010, 05:34 PM
Racine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: The Mitten
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Keeping in touch should not have been entirely up to you, from what you've said you did, she has no right to act like you didn't play your part in investing in your friendship.

I'm sorry you're going through this....I went through a similar type of situation a few years ago with a good friend...some people just have issues with playing the victim.
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  #6  
January 16th, 2010, 06:29 PM
AlexasMomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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no you did the same thing I would of because after so many attempts you kinda figure she wants/needs space I wouldn't just drive over there either and she should have got your messages online once she got internet I would tell her that you tried and it just seemed like she wanted space so you were tryin to give it to her and that when she was ready to talk or whatever then she would contact you you are not a crappy friend
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  #7  
January 16th, 2010, 06:31 PM
sweatshirtgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Massachusetts
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Thanks ladies, you made me feel better. I was crying this afternoon b/c I thought maybe it really WAS me, and I was a horrible friend. I know I shouldn't have waited this long to confront her but, I really didn't know what I did wrong.

She's saying she was so depressed she barely got out of bed most days and she physically COULDN'T call me. But how was I supposed to know that? She had a great support system too, closer people than me, like sisters, mother, cousins...

Anyway, thank you for making me feel better!
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  #8  
January 16th, 2010, 06:57 PM
Max n Meghan's Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Gainesville, Florida
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I don't see what else you could have done. And besides, you could have been going through your own crisis at that time and she would have never even known because she couldn't bother to call you back. How can you support someone who doesn't want to be supported?

I'd dig through my email (I save all my sent) and forward her all the old emails if you still have them. And say "See, I DID try."

Anyway, if she doesn't except it, I guess you just have to let her go.

I'm sorry she's being that way. I hope she comes around and realizes how self absorbed she's being.
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  #9  
January 16th, 2010, 08:39 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 4,657
You did nothing wrong. Are you sure she got your calls?
Communication between friends is a two way street. You tried to be there, she sure didn't make it easy. I would just remind her of all the times you did make the effort and all your calls that went unanswered. Ask her what more she thought you could do?
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