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Why my husband SUCKS...


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
January 16th, 2010, 08:01 PM
homeschooling mom of 2
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Jersey Shore, but MI is home
Posts: 1,960
semi TMI thread warning.

I think we've DTD 2 or 3x since my BFP, first time being only 5wks and I started spotting so I was freaked out... next time pretty far long after that and a definite quickie type thing, honestly I can't think of a third so that was likely it. It's been MONTHS... now I was so sick for so long I can say I really didn't care, and to tell the truth even now I don't care that much but what I do care about is the fact that he doesn't even seem to want to at all. When I've called him out on it he said he had a really vivid bad dream that it some how caused a still birth and he was super freaked out, which I can understand and respect... but there is plenty we could do w/o actually doing it ya know? This is the man that used to beg me to take showers with him and now I've suggested it SEVERAL times and he says no. I can't even remember the last time we really kissed and the giant maternity pillow between us has kept the snuggles to a extreme bare minimum. This isn't my first pregnancy and while we weren't super active last time there was definitely far more loving going on then so I don't get it.

He also won't feel her move, if I make a huge pissy deal out of it he'll put his hand on my belly for like 10secs but as soon as she moves he pulls it away which frankly really upsets me. So tonight I'm watching a show on my laptop on the sofa while he's watching a game... she's squirming around like crazy in there and I say "don't you want to feel your baby moving?" and he actually says to me "no, its creepy... I trust you when you say she's moving"

***

"it's creepy"? um... sure ok... yeah sometimes its pretty freaking weird for me to feel something alive and moving inside of me you know, ALL THE TIME... but instead of saying "its creepy" I think its amazing because its our baby.

Anyways I just have to vent as I'm so annoyed with the whole situation, I feel like not only does he not find me attractive at all but now he thinks the whole pregnancy is "creepy"

@sshole.
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  #2  
January 16th, 2010, 08:04 PM
sandpaper06's Avatar Mom of 3 darlings
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I would respond the EXACT same way. Except maybe use even worse language with it. Or my typical "jerk-face"

I have no words of support. Just that I don't think you're being irrational at all. I would be very upset as well.
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  #3  
January 16th, 2010, 08:15 PM
Max n Meghan's Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok I'm feeling hormonal and b!tchy right now, but I'd go off on him. lol Creepy? I'd be so angry right then. Actually I'd be upset about all of it. Sure I haven't been "in the mood" a lot since our BFP and though I don't know the exact number of times we've DTD, it hasn't been much, but I need to know that he still wants me and cares. It's important to your relationship to have that closeness even if you don't have intercourse. No matter what, we feel huge and icky...we need love and support, not to be told that the miracle that's moving inside us, the miracle we created TOGETHER, is creepy.

Ok end soap box.
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  #4  
January 16th, 2010, 08:18 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Yeah, I'd be upset too. I'm sorry he's being such an @ss about it. I wish I had advice!
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  #5  
January 16th, 2010, 08:30 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sorry you are going through this.
My hubby hates to feel the baby move. Seriously. When I MAKE him do it he does the exact same as your hubby. This has gone on every single pregancy and we're on kid number ten. I have come, over time, to try to understand that its just not something he enjoys, and he can't MAKE himself enjoy it becuase want him to. He says it "feel like an alien in there" and "grosses him out!" He loves the babies and is protective of them...just doesn't like to feel or watch them move in my belly. If he catches sight of baby moving late in pregnancy...you know,when it looks REALLY COOL, he flips out like a little kid, complete with yelling "Oh gross! Look at it! Oh, its an alien!" I have since learned to just ask the kids if THEY want to feel!

As for sex, my Dh has never turned away from sex in the least, but I have known many women whose hubbies did. And it wasnt becuase they didn't love their wives or were unattracted...they just felt very strange about mixing sexuality and their child together..and in their minds thats what sex during pregnancy would be doing. Some were afraid of damaging thier baby, or harming the pregnancy, some just felt that it seemed "wrong" to them. This is very difficult situation though, becuase from the woman's perspective, its almost impossible NOT to feel rejected. Espicially as this occurs at a time when you already feel vulnerable regarding your appearance and really NEED that sense of security from DH.
Sometimes, for the woman, sex isn't just for sex, its an affirmation of the fact that DH still finds you beautiful, attractive, and is still sexually attracted to you.
If this is how you feel, explain this to him in a way that doesn't make him feel "wrong" for his feelings." After the first bleeding episode early in pregnancy, he may simply have been scared off of intimacy, feeling that he'd be responsible if anything bad happened. I think you have to talk to him more extensively (I know, not something men like!) to get to the bottom of exactly how he feels before you'll be able to really resolve it. Some men are just naturally freaked out by pregnancy. Fortunately, this doesn't usually manifest itself at all in the way that they love their children! Talk to him and tell him how his feelings and actions are making you feel. Tell him exactly what you need from him. Sorry you are gong through this. Remember that you are beautiful and amazing and incredible!
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  #6  
January 17th, 2010, 01:53 AM
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I have to say my dh definitely gets turned off from dtd toward the end of pregnancy. He hasn't yet this time round, but I think about the 7.5 to 8 month mark he'll start to feel funny. I understand that it makes you feel unattractive because I know I felt that each time too. But I guess, he was still happy to cuddle, do other things, still happy to feel the baby move...it was just the actual dtd that he started to get funny about once my belly was SO much a part of the scene.

I'm sorry he's making you feel bad..
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  #7  
January 17th, 2010, 05:06 AM
homeschooling mom of 2
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Thanks for the posts ladies, I'm less annoyed this morning... his giving me lots of hugs last night when I was clearly very annoyed with him and resting his head on my tummy and saying he could hear hear heartbeat (go figure I was wishing so hard she'd kick him in the head but she stayed still) helped him some. I'm going to do the only sane thing, use this to my advantage... if he doesn't want to physically show his love then he can do it with the new bigger suv or minivan I want LOL yes my plan is to guilt him into that sooner then later. Guess I'm just not used to his lack of interest, (again sorry TMI) but when my DD was born and up until she was 3 she slept with us and he was never turned off enough not to try even when she was in bed or actively nursing and that used to freak me out and upset me... hi the baby is HERE, next to us... can you put it away till she's at least asleep and we can go in another room men.
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  #8  
January 17th, 2010, 06:34 AM
fibigrey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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aw, I feel for you.. DH and I CANT have sex per doctors orders, but we CAN do other things, and I have gotten so annoyed at DH for not wanting to.. well, not INITIATING anything.. It makes me feel like i'm getting fat and ugly He on the other hand LOVES feeling the baby move, so that, on your DH's part really truelly DOES SUCK..

Hope you guys find some romance soon! *hugs*
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  #9  
January 17th, 2010, 06:40 AM
homeschooling mom of 2
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Location: Jersey Shore, but MI is home
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fibigrey View Post
, so that, on your DH's part really truelly DOES SUCK..*
LOL LOL LOL I needed that this morning hehehehee
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  #10  
January 17th, 2010, 07:04 AM
becker206's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That would REALLY upset and worry me too.. I'm sorry your dealing with this and I hope he snaps out of it soon!
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  #11  
January 17th, 2010, 01:26 PM
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That would bother me as well. When I was pregnant with Lily we stopped DTD at around 8 months pregnant because she kicked DH's hand while we were in the middle of it and it freaked him out. This time around he doesn't seem as freaked out by anything, but he's also less interested in feeling her move, etc. He seems to have a "been there, done that" mentality.
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  #12  
January 17th, 2010, 05:56 PM
jen*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm with ya, my DH is not at all interested in sex or anything intimate at all. It was the same last time around, and actually we DTD at the end of Nov this time which is far later than we did when I was pregnant with Jack. It's frustrating and it makes me feel crappy, but I can't exactly force myself on him. We recovered last time and had been pretty active last spring and summer (hence this baby!) but it doesn't help things now.

We aren't normally overly affectionate - we don't kiss often, which is kind of crappy, too - but it definitely decreases in general when I'm pregnant.

As far at the creepy thing, I would be very annoyed about that. I mean, it's not creepy -- it is weird and a little twilight-zone-ish at times, but it is amazing. I wonder what his deal is? I'm sorry that you have to hear that and I hope that he snaps out of his current state of mind.
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