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How do I fund my shower without insulting the hostess?

Forum: 2010 Playroom


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January 22nd, 2010, 07:47 AM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,777
As some of you may remember, my future MIL is throwing my shower for me. Like alot of people right now, her family is experiencing some financial difficulty. Not having the shower is not an option because I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I do want to help out with any expenses that may be incurred for invites, refreshments, etc.

Is there a polite way to approach her about this? I'm completely lost. Would it be rude or tacky to just bring her a cheque?

Thank you!

Missing our angel baby since Feb 7, 2009

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January 22nd, 2010, 07:53 AM
Shantastic27's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,278
I would maybe just ask her what you can do to help? I mean, if you take on some of the food or decorations, that will definitely help with the expenses. My two best friends are throwing mine, and I asked them if there was anything I could help out with. I don't think I would bring a check necessarily, you could just be direct and say that you know finances are tight for everyone right now and you don't want this to put a strain on her budget, and that you'd like to help out. I don't think that would be rude at all. Good luck!
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January 22nd, 2010, 07:59 AM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,663
I agree with Shannon. I would say something like "hubby and I have talked about it and we decided that we would like to pay for the food. Showers can get expensive and there are already so many other things you are paying for (decorations, cake, invites ect) we'd feel so much better if you would allow us to cover at least the food costs."
That way you are not going to embarrass her by inadvertently suggesting that she can't afford it. She can accept your offer more comfortably (hopefully) if she feels that it would be making YOU feel better and its something you really want to do.
Good luck. Hope you have a fabulous shower!

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January 22nd, 2010, 07:59 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,883
that or see if her son would maybe pull her aside and talk to her? Maybe he can just tell her he wants to help with it, that way it's offered, but it may be more comfortable from him?
A great big thank you to Megan for my awesome siggie! You rock!!

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January 22nd, 2010, 11:02 AM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Lone Star State
Posts: 4,937
Maybe you can give the money to a close friend and have her give the money to your MIL. Your friend could say that she really wanted to help out, but doesn't have the time to plan and can help financially. That way you still help out, but she just doesn't know.

I have actually done something similar to this.
Christy - Mom of 5

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January 22nd, 2010, 11:17 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: VA
Posts: 9,301
As a girl who's having 3 showers. Do what I did, just say "FYI dont hesitate to ask me if you need anything. That includes money"
Cheley - Mommy of 1 cute DD (BFP 8/4/09 @ 11dpo) Born: 4/20/10
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