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how many of you are already SAHM's?

Forum: 2010 Playroom


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January 23rd, 2010, 02:32 PM
Amanda C's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: East Texas
Posts: 17,724
I have been since my dd was born and lately I'm just feeling a little lost and down. It just seems like I never get to do anything fun anymore. Dh is working extremely long hours and we live way out in the sticks. Sometimes I think about going and doing something fun with the kids but then I can't motivate myself to get all of us dressed and ready to go.

Things just seem so boring here lately. To top it all off dh's regular job is requiring him to work 55 to 60 hours a week and he has his own business on the side so even when he's off he's not really off. He's scheduled to be off next weekend and I thought we'd get our baby shopping done but he has other things he has going on and his customer's come first I think I just need to get out of the house for a while maybe.

I know I'm not the only one feeling like this right?

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January 23rd, 2010, 02:38 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 4,014
Definitely not! I feel your pain!! We live in the middle of nowhere too and sometimes it just makes me feel so lonely. Like I can't even get involved anywhere to meet new people. Hopefully once these babies come we will be too busy to be bored.

Thanks Claire for my awesome siggy!!

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January 23rd, 2010, 02:48 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 19,074
I'm a SAHM as well. DH works a ton and it definitely sucks sometimes. I try to get out daily with Lily to meet up with other mom friends, etc. I get super bored some days and I get really mad when people assume that because I'm a SAHM I don't "work". DH will complain about spending time with Lily so I get a break sometimes and that irks me to no end. Don't I deserve breaks too? I'm trying to get him more involved with putting Lily to sleep, etc because I know when the new baby comes I won't be able to do everything and will need more help from him.

Luckily, I live in a very populated area so there is always something to do if I want to with Lily, but I don't get a lot of time to myself and I miss that.

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January 23rd, 2010, 02:51 PM
mylene169's Avatar Kaija and Kolbie's Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Bettendorf, IA
Posts: 18,948
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I don't live in the middle of nowhere, but I don't know anyone where I live and that sometimes feels just as isolating, so I know how you feel! I'm going to need to go back to work after baby is born though - I know, kind of backwards, but I didn't choose to leave my job...anyway... I've found a few classes I can take DD to to get out of the house. We did a music class in the fall and are doing an art class right now. Even if I don't make friends with any of the other moms, I'm at least getting adult interaction from someone other than my DH.
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January 23rd, 2010, 04:16 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,663
I am stay at home mom and I have a total love/hate relationship with it as I'm sure many working moms have with their situation.
I LOVE being at home with the kids. I love the flexibility. I love that I am the ONLY caretaker of my children. I LOVE never missing their milestones, accomplishments, or cute things they do. Of course, this also means I never miss their tantrums, accidents, really bad behavior days and constant messes.
I LOVE being home for my older kids when they get off the bus and here when hubby gets home from work.

I HATE the isolation. I HATE the lonliness. I HATE the way that becuase I'm home it seems like EVERYTHING household related is my job and hubby feels like he's helping me out and doing me a favor when he does a chore rather than simply taking care of his own house as I am doing. Often I feel more like a maid and chef than an equal partner. Some days I feel like all I do is cook, clean and wipe butts.

I do know that in the past when I have worked and when I've been a SAHM- at times the grass has always seemed greener on the other side. Regardless of which side I've been on. To me, working and staying home are two totally sepereate sets of highs, lows, challanges, rewards and stresses.
When I worked- I longed to stay home with my kids. To not have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn. To be able to actually have time to help with homework and make dinner without trying to cram it all into a couple of hours before bed. To be able to not feel totally exhausted after work and STILL have a house to clean.
When I stay home, I long to have somewhere to be. To enjoy adult interaction. To dress decently. To do work that is appreciated and respected. To accomplish something that doesn't involve diapers, or meal preperation. To not hear babies screaming and yelling ALL DAY LONG.
What I found though, was that in either situation, my expecation of what I THOUGHT it would be was far more glamerous than the reality. Neither was as simple as I'd imagined it to be. Both had their pro's and con's. I wouldn't say for me that one has been harder- just very different. I think for me, staying home has been far more rewarding. But sometimes it sure doesn't feel that way!

Thank you Kiliki for my awesome siggy!

visit our family blog at www.stalkedbythestork.com
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January 23rd, 2010, 04:37 PM
homeschooling mom of 2
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Jersey Shore, but MI is home
Posts: 1,960
I'll be the freak... I've been a SAHM even before I was a mom or pregnant with my DD. I stopped working the year I got pregnant with her (about 8 months before actually) as we moved and I left my job and was busy redoing the new house and TTC so I never did get back to work before getting pregnant and very very sick. I've been home with DD ever since and being that I also homeschool her I wasn't planning on going back to work anytime soon which now I definitely won't be since baby is coming. DH works in NYC and is gone very long hours... he actually likely won't see the girls except on the weekends or he'll see our older DD for about a 1/2 hour before her 8pm bedtime during the week.

Honestly though DD and I are both total home bodies, while we love getting out to the beach when its nice and the parks (NJ has a ton, who knew) we're not overly social otherwise. We have a small group of close friends and try to get together with them weekly and hit the library every week but between just doing errands and what not we're both fine with hanging out at home the rest of the time. Hopefully Lily will be a little homebody too. I think that my being an only child, and her being one for almost 6yrs also plays into this as we're simply used to being alone (with eachother) and always seem to keep ourselves occupied with crafts or learning etc.
~ Candi
wife to Craig 5/28/2002 mom to Aliya 3/31/2004 and Liliana 4/6/2010
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January 24th, 2010, 01:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,492
I have been staying at home since just before we conceived the twins (so 3.5 yrs). It has been lonely at times especially since my DH travels for work and is sometimes gone 3 nights in a row. We don't have family here so it is just me.

I will say as strange as this sounds the one thing has kept me from loosing it in the past year are my son's autism therapists. They are with us for 30 hours a week so I see them more than I see my DH LOL! They have become our 2nd family. They show up at the house while I am in my PJ's at 7 am, they go to the grocery store with us, or they help us take the kids to see Santa at the mall. It's actually kinda sad that my oldest daughter asks for her brother's therapists to please come to her b-day party rather than her own grandparents. But I guess that is the nature of the beast. I love those girls and I'd be lost without them in so many ways. They are such selfless and caring people - I admire them so very much for what they are doing to help my son and my family.

So sorry to day, I don't have a good answer for you. I really do understand the lonely factor though. I do think if you got out though it would really help your state of mind, even if it is taking the kids to the movies, going out to eat or walking through a baby store. I know I always feel like the day went by so much faster and usually so much smoother when we have a lot of stuff to attend to. I dread the "getting everyone ready" part but it is almost always worth it.


[/COLOR]Nathan(6), Reagan(6), Riley(5), Kaycee(3)

Our Blog

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January 24th, 2010, 05:09 AM
Katie81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 10,258
I work part time at the moment, but I worked full time plus went to school at night after Lily was born so for me this is very different. Now I work 20 hours a week and go to nursing school full time, but there are some weeks where I get a couple of days off in a week. May -August after this baby is born I will have off from school so I will only be working two days a week, and for me I think that is perfect. I like being home more but I also really like getting out of the house and having adult interaction a couple of days a week
Kate, mom to Liliana (7) Greyson (4) and Ainsley 17 months
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January 24th, 2010, 07:04 AM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 8,110
I am both anxious and excited about becoming a SAHM. I am definitely not romanticizing the job, because my three siblings and I were raised by a single SAHM, and I could see how hard it was on her a lot of days---but she also loved it, and gave us tons of love that I wouldn't exchange for anything in the world. That's why I'm happy about our decision for me to stay home, even though I know it will drive me crazy some days.

Reading all you ladies' posts helps me to further understand just how I might feel and the sorts of things that I am going to have to mentally prepare myself for. Fortunately, I live very close to all my loved ones, and I live literally right down the road from the mall (which offers a free program for moms that I plan to join as soon as the PP 6 weeks are up). Recently, I've just started developing a stronger friendship with a girl I've known for a while now, and we've been hanging out. But I'm afraid that that will change once Caleb's here, since she doesn't have any kids yet. I'm hoping that her baby fever keeps her hanging around!

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January 24th, 2010, 05:09 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,352
I'm a SAHM although that was not part of the plan. My career was pretty much shot because of the economy and months of job searching never panned out. I have always been the type to need to keep myself occupied to avoid losing my sanity, even before kids. I enjoyed working, but I also enjoyed coming home to Lily and spending time with her. I'm certainly having a hard time coming to terms with my changing role, but I make an effort. I have a friend with a little boy the same age as Lily who is also staying at home and pregnant with her second (we used to work together before our industry died). She and I often get together for playdates and to commiserate on our former lives. I also joined the Junior League in my area. I live in a neighborhood where everyone grew up here and knows everyone else, but DH and I aren't from this town. I decided to join the Junior League to meet local women, but I also do tons of volunteer work with them. I feel like volunteering gives me a sense of pride in doing something for others who are so grateful, unlike doing thankless household chores.

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January 24th, 2010, 06:32 PM
k8liz311's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 8,003
I was at home for 2 years with DS. I just went back 3 months ago and I LOVE it. I was so anxious about going back and I thought that I would really miss staying home but I find it so odd that I don't.

It was hard to stay home.. very tiring, lonely.. I felt unmotivated and depressed some days. I did join a playgroup and it helped to get out to playgroups. I do miss having the weekdays off for those. That basically saved me last winter.
The summer time is easier because there are parks and walks.. but the winter we are all cooped up inside.
That was what I never realized about staying home.. it's hard work and can be very isolating.
I'm feeling anxious about having the new baby in daycare since I was home with DS when he was a baby.. but I think it will be the best for all of us. We'll see if I go through with it.. ha!!
Anyways.. check out Meetups.com for local playgroups. That's where I found mine and it really helped.

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January 24th, 2010, 07:21 PM
DondraB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Stephenville, Texas
Posts: 5,500
I am technically a SAHM. I only work Thurs/Fri/Sat nights from 5-10 as the manager of my parents' steakhouse.....so sometimes I bring Kinley with me, other times my grandma or DH watches her...never a babysitter.

I was lucky enough to be able to stay home after Kinley was born. DH got out of the Marines a month after she was born...then we moved to my hometown and he started a good job here in town and started school full time. (His job pays for his school, as well as scholarships AND the military..so school is really his job). When Kinley was a year old I decided I wanted to go back to work at Payless Shoe Source...and the same week I was thinking about it..my old manager moved back and called me up and offered me a job! It was perfect timing! I only worked at nights when DH was able to watch Kinley...and it was just to keep my sanity and get me out of the house for a while! I worked there for a few months, then my parents' opened the steakhouse..which couldn't be more perfect for me!

I'm planning on going back to work 2-3 weeks after Karsyn is born...just long enough for me to heal from my csection....and DH will be able to bring her up there while I'm at work for me to see her (My parents will LOVE showing her off too!) and for me to nurse her. So even though its "work" I don't really consider it a Job! lol because I love it!!

Anyways....what I'm getting at is...DH works 40 hours a week, plus is in school full time...so he goes from school to work to school to work and is home around 10/11. On Friday when he gets home I go straight to work.....saturdays he works overtime or makes up time and Sundays are our only family days...unless he has homework. So during the week me and Kinley get a little stir crazy. I'll plan a shopping day...where we drive 45 min to the nearest Target and Ross and just spend the day together...or we'll get out and go to the Dollar General here in town. Lately it wears me out to get her in/out of the car...so on grocery days..we ONLY go to Wal Mart (spend an hour there) and come home because I'm so tired! I do try to keep myself busy with projects so I don't go crazy staying home!!

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January 25th, 2010, 06:56 AM
CuteName's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Pensacola, Fl
Posts: 1,336
I'm a SAHM for the first time in the ten years that I have had kids and I am getting a little cabin feverish. I'm enrolled in school full time so that keeps me pretty occupied. We did move out into the middle of nowhere over the summer to a town where I don't know anyone, so yeah..I"m getting REALLY bored too.

But like the others said...it won't last. I'm just trying to enjoy it because I know we're on that final countdown to when life gets crazy!
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