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Labor and Delivery Dilemma (sort of a vent)


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
February 4th, 2010, 02:43 PM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OK. It is getting closer and closer to D day and so this is weighing more and more on my mind. It might sound silly to some, but it is something that is bothering me.

I am delivering at the only hospital that is here in my little town and I love the L&D staff and wing. Recently, one of my really good friends starting working there as a L&D nurse. She keeps telling me that she is so excited that I will soon come see her in L&D. She is a wonderful nurse, but I am not sure if I want her to be my nurse. I am not sure that I want her to see me in labor or check my progress. I don't know but it is easier for me to let go when I don't know the nurse. I don't feel like I have to stay in control. But with my friend there - I just don't know about that. It is just too awkward. But I don't know what to do if she is the nurse assigned to me. I can't just request another one, because I don't want to hurt her feelings. What should I do?
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  #2  
February 4th, 2010, 02:47 PM
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Could you speak with someone in the department confidentially to let them know your concerns?
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  #3  
February 4th, 2010, 02:51 PM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't know. It is a small hospital, so there is a possibility that she might be the only nurse available. Plus I forgot to add - her mom works there too as a LD nurse.
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  #4  
February 4th, 2010, 02:53 PM
Amanda C's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think that would be awkward for me also.

You have to remember though they see all kinds of things everyday so nothing you do will surprise either of them.
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  #5  
February 4th, 2010, 03:11 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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I can understand how that could make you uncomfortable. Could you ask your OB to make sure that your friend isn't assigned to you that way it doesn't seem that it's coming directly from you?
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  #6  
February 4th, 2010, 03:21 PM
fibigrey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thats a tough situation :/ I had a friend who came to my L&D.. we weren't GREAT friends, but her and her mom brought my BEST friend to the hospital, I wanted my best friend in the room with me... But I felt bad telling the other friend she couldn't be in there, so I just let it be.. Well, it didn't bother me at the time that she was in there, but her being there WAS in the back of my mind.. PLUS, we ended up NOT being friends over stupid HS drama just a few months later... I always wondered what she had to say about seeing me give birth, if she picked on me, what she saw, etc..

I wish I had not let her in.

In fact this time, I kindof only want my husband in the room with me, but my dad has already dropped the ball on wanting to be in there (he'd be crushed if I said no) and then that means I have to let my mother in there too.. So, well.. My parents are different, but if you really don't want someone in there, I would just tell them the truth.. I had to tell my friend currently no on being in the room.. She was really upset about it, but its just too much other things to think about while you're in labor, ya know? Afterward, come visit me, thats fine.

I would honestly tell her the truth, whether it hurts her feelings or not... This is an experience you need to remember for the rest of your life, and you shouldn't have someone's opinions, etc, to worry about. Just make sure you tell her you're not worried about her skills as a nurse.. It really does sound difficult, and I hope that you get it figured out!
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  #7  
February 5th, 2010, 06:23 AM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corny7474 View Post
I can understand how that could make you uncomfortable. Could you ask your OB to make sure that your friend isn't assigned to you that way it doesn't seem that it's coming directly from you?
Our hospital is weird in how the OBs work L&D. If it is during the week during normal office hours - I am almost guaranteed that my OB will be the one who delivers the baby (unless he is on vacation - which could happen if I go Spring Break week). If it is not during the week, then whichever doctor is oncall will be the one who delivers the baby. So there is a possibility that I won't even know who will be the OB. Plus I am afraid that if I ask too early that they will put it in my chart and she could see it if she is working.

Then again I might be worrying for nothing - she might not even be working when I go in.

Thanks guys for listening to me!
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  #8  
February 5th, 2010, 08:34 AM
peaches84's Avatar Super Mommy
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you can call ahead or do it when you pre-register, tell them that you don't want her as your nurse while you are delivering and be sure to tell them why. talk with your friend she will understand, the hospital has to provide you with someone else. I plan on doing this with a few people I have worked with previously I am saying no to them being my nurse while I am delivering but after that it is fine.
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  #9  
February 5th, 2010, 08:50 AM
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I would just be honest with her and tell her I mean heck use the "I'm kinda freaking out about the delivery" excuse or tell her you really don't want anyone in there. I think it would be weird to have my parents or even DH's parents in the delivery room I really don't want any one in there and I feel really bad because I know for sure DH's mom really would like to be there but honestly I don't even want DH looking down there. I would rather be comfortable and tell them I'm not sure right now if I want them in there than be stressed the day I'm getting ready to deliver.
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  #10  
February 5th, 2010, 09:59 AM
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If she's the only one available at the time you may not really ahve a choice but let your hospital know ahead of time in confidence. When you give birth you might not even care who sees you. You might only want her to cater to you.
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  #11  
February 5th, 2010, 11:23 AM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks. I have an appt with my doctor on Tuesday. I am going to talk to him about it. And Chelle - you might be right. When it comes down to it, she might be the one that will be the best fit. I am just not sure I am ready for her to "check" my progress. That's still kinda weird for me. I am not real bothered about her seeing me deliver (unless I crap on the table). And I would love for her to be the one to handle my IV (she used to be a med lab tech). I do feel more confident in talking to the doctor about concerns with L&D. Again thanks!
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  #12  
February 5th, 2010, 12:07 PM
mimi81's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would definately request someone else and I would tell my friend I didn't want her there, just in a nice or joking way so I wouldn't offend her. But for me I don't want anyone I know besides BF seeing down there. Maybe she even meant that she would stop in and see you from time and time, but not actually be your nurse. That might be weird for her too, ya know?
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  #13  
February 5th, 2010, 01:23 PM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
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I know what you mean my friend is a nurse she kept telling me if she was on duty she would come see me thank god she was not on duty when i had my little girl! i would deff tell the doctor your concerns and make sure she is not assigned to you
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  #14  
February 5th, 2010, 09:19 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My sister is a labor and delivery nurse and she had had instances where friends come in and she is assigned to them. The first thing she does is ASK them how they feel. She tells them that she is more than okay with being their nurse and would love to help them through their labor/delivery and assures them that its not weird for her. BUT, that she knows they might be more comfortable with another nurse and that her feelings would not be hurt in the least. Then she lets the decide becuase its thier birth. Sometimes friends or acquaintaces decide they'd rather have someone they don't know since its such an intimate thing. Other times, they feel better and more taken care of having someone they know and trust with them.
From my perspecive, if I lived in Knoxville closer to my sister, I'd go where she works in a heartbeat and have her be my nurse. I know some people find that weird (my hubby finds it very strange) but my sister and I are both birth junkies and don't think of it in the same way that others do I guess. I tink it'd be great if my sister were the first to see/deliver my baby. I wouldn't mind at all. Plus she also said that she's had friends before where she was techinically thier nurse but got someone else to do the cervical checking and such so that it wasn't too weird for them.
Anyhow, I think you should talk to your friend directly rather that to the hospital admin or the OB. You don't want her to wonder why you didn't just tell her how you feel. It is akward but it might be best to just say something to her like
"Listen, I am really glad that you'll be around to see the baby, it makes me feel good to know someone who cares will be nearby, but since we're such good friends, I would just feel really strange having you as my actual nurse. With all the intimate things that occur during labor and delivery I'd feel sort of strange. I know its what you do for a living and that its not weird to you, but I'm afraid that for me- I'd just find it too weird. Would it be possible that maybe you could come in and out and check on me but maybe have someone else do the actual checking and attend the actual delivery?" That's probably what I'd say if I didn't want her there.
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