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but my grandmother passed away last weekend and I have been off work all week helping my Mom with everything. We were very close, I grew up across the street from my grandma and grandpa and they were like my second set of parents. We are also the only grandchildren, my sister and I, to live close by, so we have always been extra close to them. My grandpa died many years ago. After he died, my grandma needed to have heart surgery and my Mom was the one who took care of her at home. Three years ago she started having trouble walking because of nerve degeneration in her legs and eventually was in a wheelchair and my Mom moved her into her house and has been taking care of her ever since. She turned 90 in October and has been ready for her time to come now for a while, she kept talking about meeting up with my grandpa again and seeing all her family and friends in heaven...I know she was ready, and I had also made peace with that as had most of the family, but it was still very difficult to accept that we won't see her again and that she won't be able to meet my baby.
This whole week has just been a roller coaster of emotions. I'm glad it's finally over, but I also have so much left to do before the baby gets here, I'm afraid I'll go into panic mode trying to prepare and exhaust myself, but at the same time I feel like keeping myself busy to keep my mind off her death and everything negative and focus on more positive things. I'm trying to find a good balance, but I feel like I've fallen off track a little and I need to get back to my old self. I'm sure it's all due to greiving and all the hormones and everything, but it's just been such a crazy week and I feel like I'm going a little crazy too, not sure what to do with myself. I try to relax but then feel like I need to be cleaning, shopping, etc. Then when I'm doing something productive, I get so tired I just want to go home and relax...I don't know what I want to be doing anymore. Hopefully going back to work tomorrow will be a better distraction.
I am so sorry for your loss Lisa, sending hugs your way. Even though she was ready and you knew her time was coming I think it is still very difficult to let someone go. I'm sure all of the pregnancy hormones do not help either. When my dad passed away the best thing I ever did was Keep myself busy, but at the same time I hid a lot of my emotions and didn't deal with them right away which wasn't good for me. I think you need to have a balance. Keep yourself busy but allow yourself time each day to talk to someone, cry, or just think about your grandma. She is in a much better place and now you have an angel looking down on you and your LO. Don't stress about all the stuff you feel you should be getting done-YOU WILL GET IT DONE! Just maybe not today or tomorrow. Give yourself some time to heal and you will be back on track before you know it.
Thank you MeganPixel for surprising me with this super cute siggy-you rock!
No matter how mentally prepared we think we are for death, it still hits us hard, and so it's completely understandable that you feel a little off-track right now. You just need to give yourself some grieving time. But I know you'll be able to get back on track! And, if it helps, think of your life's situation in this more positive way: One life leaves this world, and another is born into it. We're all here to help you along the way!! ((HUGS))
Thanks everyone for your support and understanding. I ended up cleaning and organizing the closet in the baby's room yesterday and keeping myself busy with laundry and groceries, since I had done nothing at home all week. I am back at work this morning, but the other teacher who will be taking over for me in a few weeks is already here and was with the kids last week while I was off, so I'm having an easy day back since he had prepared the lesson plans for today and will be teaching most of the day, so I get to sit back and relax a bit, but I get to see everyone at work and clean out a few things and catch up on what I left behind a few weeks ago. At least it's an easy day back but still enough to keep me busy. I'm still soooo tired, I'm glad I don't have to teach today.