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I am so sick of negativity!


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  #1  
February 7th, 2010, 01:55 PM
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I don't understand why people enjoy being negative to pregnant women.

For instance:

"So, how are you feeling?"
"Oh, pretty good, just tired."
"Well, you're going to be a lot more tired once the baby is here."

"Have you stocked up on diapers?"
"Well, we're cloth diapering, so we've been building up a stash."
"Oh, that'll NEVER last. Just wait til you see the first poop."

"Make sure you get an epidural."
"Actually, I'm planning not to, and I'm delivering at a birth center, where it isn't an option."
"Well you're really going to regret that."

You know, I don't care if it's true that having a brand new baby is going to be tiring. I just don't see the need to be negative. How about a "Oh, just two months left---you can do it!" or "Cloth diapers, how interesting!" or "Good luck to you!!"? Is that really so hard to people?
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  #2  
February 7th, 2010, 02:16 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sick of it, too!

J and I went out for dinner for my sister's birthday last night. I was asked if I was getting an epidural and when I said no, another one of my sisters said, "Good luck." I don't judge people for getting an epidural, so I don't feel like I should be judged for wanting to try having my baby without one.

Then another woman who was at our table was telling horror stories about delivery. Why do BTDT moms do that? If it were me, I would want to encourage a first time mom and help her feel confident in herself, not try to scare her.

These people need to learn to say something nice or shut up!
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  #3  
February 7th, 2010, 02:19 PM
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Exactly. Even if it were 100% likely that the other person's birth experience was going to be a horror story (which is not the case), why make them worry for however many more weeks? Doesn't change anything for them. Besides, being nervous about birth just gets women into the fear->tension->pain cycle, making everything worse!
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  #4  
February 7th, 2010, 02:31 PM
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Well, I'm a BTDT mom but I still get comments. When people say something negative to me about having a natural childbirth I just tell them that I had a fantastic NCB with Lily and never felt like it was painful. That usually shuts them up, I guess because I already did it. I tend to ignore most comments now anyway.

The worst I got was one of my aunts (married to my uncle so not direct relation) saying in response to us having a home birth that "That's how retarded babies are born!!". DH shut her up so fast by saying that all of his siblings and him were born at home perfectly safely with absolutely no medical assistance. She was quiet after that and after I explained we will be having midwives there.
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  #5  
February 7th, 2010, 02:36 PM
Amanda C's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When your preggo people feel the need to say whatever they want whenever they want. I've never understood it.
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  #6  
February 7th, 2010, 02:38 PM
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Shelley, I can't WAIT to tell people about my wonderful NCB in April

Amanda, it's so true. People say things that would never be acceptable to say to someone who isn't pregnant.
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  #7  
February 7th, 2010, 02:42 PM
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I seriously cannot believe that your aunt said that!!! People need to shut their mouths or gag themselves!!
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  #8  
February 7th, 2010, 02:44 PM
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People just tell me good luck when I tell them about going natural. But a loot of people say "Way to go!"

As far as CD, I'm contemplating doing it and many people are like "we'll see what you say after a week". I'm still underwraps on it though b/c I like to be on the go and idk if I could really be able to do CD.
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  #9  
February 7th, 2010, 02:45 PM
Kittynoah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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And why is okay to comment on a pregnant woman's size? You would never say to a non-pregnant woman, "you have gotten so big." Or, "You are so much bigger/smaller than so and so." I get some saying I am so big and others saying I am too small! Give me a break! My doctor says I am fine - so leave it at that.
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  #10  
February 7th, 2010, 02:48 PM
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Chelle, I figure I'll CD while at home but have a small stash of disposables for when it's not reasonable to use them on the go. If you have a good wet bag, you should be fine on outings, though Oh, and I've heard that it can be a good idea to use disposables while the baby is expelling meconium, because it stains pretty badly. Just advice I've heard
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  #11  
February 7th, 2010, 04:24 PM
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I have NO idea why women say some of the things they do to pregnant people! It makes me mad. I will be having NCB at home! People want to comment a lot about how so much can go wrong and what if I need a c-section and so much stuff. I have had to repeat myself so many times "I'm not stupid, if there is something wrong I will transfer to the hospital." And apparently not using pain medicine automatically makes you stupid...sorry I think the risks aren't worth it to me. I know it hurts, I did it before! It doesn't hurt that bad, you forget it afterwards. Ugh okay rant over. Sorry.
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  #12  
February 7th, 2010, 05:10 PM
frankie's Avatar Proud Mommy
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I so am with you!!!

When I was 26 weeks this lady said to me how many weeks are you I said 26 she said oh i lost my son at 26 weeks.. I left crying and freaking

Or how excited is your hubby I say so excited he cant wait they say yeah well he will wish he did lets see if your marriage survives this... my JAW FELL

PEOPLE ARE JUST RUDE!!!
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  #13  
February 7th, 2010, 05:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frankie View Post
I so am with you!!!

When I was 26 weeks this lady said to me how many weeks are you I said 26 she said oh i lost my son at 26 weeks.. I left crying and freaking

Or how excited is your hubby I say so excited he cant wait they say yeah well he will wish he did lets see if your marriage survives this... my JAW FELL

PEOPLE ARE JUST RUDE!!!

OMG! Both of those are horrible! Especially the part about your marriage surviving! Who says that?!?!
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  #14  
February 7th, 2010, 05:48 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lintu,
Try to store up all that negativity and use it in labor to get yourself over the rough patches. Tell yourself that as soon as the baby comes out you can laugh in the face of all those negative nelly's. Just tell yourself that even though they are being negative, YOU can use it to your benefit.
You will be fine, you're doing a fabulous job and you CAN birth your baby naturally. You CAN make it through the rest of pregnancy and you CAN cloth diaper your baby. I'm not sure why people are always negative toward pregnant women. I think they are secretly jealous. I also think that part of the reason that birthing issues get so contentious espicially between women is that no one wants to think that thier way of doing something is being called into question or that their way is being considered inferior. I think many people feel threatened if you mention a way that you've decided to do something and its not what they did. Thus, negative comments are born. It's really a shame that we as women can't all support each other regardless of our choices. Why purposely try to stress someone out by pointing out all the things to worry about? I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time with people not being supportive. Just wrap yourself in a cocoon of you, hubby and your new baby and leave the rest of the world outside. Then, you can tell them all to bite your big toe when you deliver successfully according to YOUR wishes.
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  #15  
February 7th, 2010, 05:56 PM
emmabear's Avatar Super Mommy
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Ugh! I can't believe people have said those things to you! How awful.

I've actually had the opposite experience, random people come up to me in stores and such and tell me what a blessed time pregnancy is and give me their best wishes. It's really sweet actually. Everyone from the check out guy at the grocery store to the people in line behind me.

Tell the people around you to smarten up! Geez!
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  #16  
February 7th, 2010, 06:03 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Yeah the negative comments get pretty old. It's nice being a BTDT mom so I tend to get less obnoxious comments, but there are still the "You're crazy!" comments when people find out I'm planning a NCB. The worst I got when I was pregnant with Lily was some lady telling me that I was a bad mom for going back to work after she was born. She actually said "You don't want someone else raising your baby! You better find a way to stay home." I told her flat out that my income puts a roof over our heads and food on our table and we'd be homeless if I didn't work. It was kind of a exaggeration at the time, but not much of one and at least she shut her mouth.

Oh and Chelle- I'm always out and about and keep Lily in cloth diapers. You can totally do it!
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  #17  
February 7th, 2010, 06:23 PM
JBmom88's Avatar Super Mommy
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Ugh... I hear you. I think it's the only time people feel they can really tell you about all the negatives in a situation so they do.

Plus the weight thing. I mean really?? Are we not sensitive/emotional enough?? Just remind me of how big I've gotten, because for some reason, after rolling myself out of bed that morning, I seemed to have forgetten about the extra 20lbs. I guess that's why my back hurts, so thank you for finally figuring it out for me. Lol...
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  #18  
February 7th, 2010, 06:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~ChelNae6~ View Post
People just tell me good luck when I tell them about going natural. But a loot of people say "Way to go!"

As far as CD, I'm contemplating doing it and many people are like "we'll see what you say after a week". I'm still underwraps on it though b/c I like to be on the go and idk if I could really be able to do CD.
Lily was in cloth from birth thru potty training and it was really easy, even on the go. The only time we really used disposables was on vacation when I didn't want to use someone else's washing machine or one wasn't available.
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  #19  
February 7th, 2010, 07:27 PM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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I completely understand!!! This irritates me soooo much! I want a natural child birth in a birth center, I'm going to be a stay-at-home-mom, I'm going to exclusively breastfeed----and I have to hear something negative about ALL these things when I tell them to people. It's as if people don't know how to be politely encouraging anymore.
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  #20  
February 7th, 2010, 07:31 PM
fibigrey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah, people ARE so negative towards preggos..

One person for me, in particular who is soo negative is my own mother.. She drives me nuts.. she's not only negative and "know it all" while im pregnant, but she is a baby know it all hog afterward.. If I even complain about one thing like a sore back or something, she tells me to suck it up, etc..

and yeah, that comment about the marriage, is absolutely TERRIBLE.. People just need to keep their comments to themselves..
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