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  #1  
March 5th, 2010, 08:19 PM
MrsRestivo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Highlands Ranch, CO
Posts: 1,012
My husband. There. I said it out loud. I have no one to talk to and I need to vent and get advice... He is so verbally abusive to both me and his 9 year old son and it scares the poo out of me that I'm about to have his daughter. I had doubts before our wedding, but I had already put so much money into it and I have too much pride to admit I'm wrong. I paid for our whole wedding, including both of our rings. I got in a car accident when I was 16 and I get roughly a million dollars paid out in smaller increments every 5 years. His ex happened to have the same thing happen, but she only got $150,000. He helped her blow it, and when it was gone 6 months later so was he.

Anyway, not even the point right now. He is always constantly putting me down, calling me an F'ing B in front of his son and telling me he hates me and charging at me from across the room (while 5 months pregnant) and holding me down to the ground by my wrists screaming at me. He says horrible detrimental things to his son and will admit after that he's wrong, but I don't want to let him screw up my little girl...

I'm so scared and stressed I don't know what to do. I can't tell my family. I can't admit my failure. But I can't live like this forever. Advice?
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  #2  
March 5th, 2010, 08:26 PM
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Posts: 2,156
I'm so sorry you are going through this! I don't really know what to say, as I've never been in this situation. The only the I know is that you need to be really careful! It sounds as if he's not only verbally abusive, but also physically. I know it's hard...I've been through a divorce, but swallowing your pride, and going to your family is not as bad, as staying and getting hurt. The most important thing is the safety of you and your little baby girl!! (((hugs)))
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  #3  
March 5th, 2010, 08:34 PM
Mom-Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NW Indiana
Posts: 2,697
Girl, you need to go. I know its hard, but you seriously need to get your little girl out of this situation before she witnesses anything. You dont want her growing up thinking that is normal and getting into a relationship like that herself..then her children will and so on and so on...i believe you are strong enough to do this, think about your sweet baby girl and make yourself think of all of the what-if's...what if he is alone w/her and she wont stop crying & he hits her? You will need your families support, so please call them and have someone there when you pack up, leave & dont look back. It will be hard, but you will be so glad when you do it. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers, hun.
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  #4  
March 5th, 2010, 08:34 PM
nat1970's Avatar Nicole - Mom2Leah,Ty,TJ
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 8,245
I'm very sorry you are going through this. I have been in several verbally and physically abusive relationships in the past including my ex husband. Luckily we never had children. I can't believe he treats you this way in front of his son. I'm sorry to say that his son runs the risk of being an absuser when he gets older because of what he has seen growing up. He is going to think this is okay behavior. I would be very concerned that he is pushing you around while you are pregnant. That is very serious not only physically for you and your unborn daughter, but emotionally as well and you should be embracing this time. Do you have someone close to you IRL that you can confide in? You definitely need to do something soon because I can tell you it won't get any better. He definitely needs help and if he is going to act like this in front of his son then he will do it in front of his daughter as well. And your daughter will see this and think it is acceptable to be treated this way by a man. Definitely not something you want her to go through as well. I would seriously consider leaving. Good luck.
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Last edited by nat1970; March 5th, 2010 at 08:38 PM.
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  #5  
March 5th, 2010, 08:43 PM
preciousgiftsmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,309
Please call a local crisis clinic for domestic violence so they can help and your unborn baby. They do those things annonomously. I am so sorry. That behavior is not correct. I have never been in that situation, but I had a good friend who was, and luckily for her and her children she did get away. Please seek help.
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  #6  
March 5th, 2010, 09:31 PM
Arianna's Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 1,353
You absolutely need to swallow your pride and admit that HE has a problem. It is not your fault that you gave him the benefit of the doubt and married him. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and your little girl deserves a life without seeing that ugliness.

I agree with the others: call a DV hotline and hightail it out of there before something really serious happens.
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  #7  
March 6th, 2010, 06:52 AM
MommyCtina's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Cackalacky
Posts: 396
I hate to hear that you are going through this during your joyous time of pregnancy. I think I agree with the other girls above, call a DV hotline to get some guidance and get out of there. The most important thing in the world is your baby girl and you.
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  #8  
March 6th, 2010, 07:58 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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I agree with the ladies. You need to get out of that abusive relationship fast. The more time you invest, the worse it's going to get and the harder it will be to leave. You deserve better and so does your daughter. I had to swallow my pride with my ex. Everyone knew I made a bad decision and I wanted to prove them wrong. After I had my dd, I knew I had to do the right thing for her and get out. Now I have a great guy who loves my dd more than her own bio dad and her adoption by my dh makes him a distant and forgetable memory.

You will feel such a sense of relief, calm, and total control over your destiny if you walk away. Please stay strong and keep us posted!
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  #9  
March 6th, 2010, 09:05 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 4,065
You need to get OUT. You and your daughter don't deserve that kind of abuse. That is simply intolerable.
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  #10  
March 6th, 2010, 10:18 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,519
I'm with the other ladies. It's not about pride anymore. It's about protecting your child. If she's abused like you're being abused, she'll look for an abuser when she's older (if she's lucky enough to make it that far)...Sounds harsh, but you know the realities or you wouldn't have come to the ladies here for a sounding board.

You need to get out, and you need help, and surely your mother would be devastated if she thought you were too proud to reach out to her to get it...wouldn't you if your daughter was in a similar position? Get help...get out...and protect yourself and your child. This man sounds like he's a crazy man on a mission to drain his next victim of all he can get his hands on..If you get out now, you have hope of coming through to the other side quicker and in better shape physically and emotionally, and financially...if you wait much longer or give him more benefit of the doubt, you'll pay a higher price later when you no longer have a choice.

Sorry you're having to deal with this at all, never mind during what should be a reassured and happy time expecting your little girl, but glad your instinct is to reach out somewhere. Good luck, and keep us posted. Will keep you in my thoughts.
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  #11  
March 6th, 2010, 11:09 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,930
Ditto what has been said. My BIL's sister has stayed in an abusive relationship for over 20 years and her 4 daughters have seen it all. She won't leave. The oldest said she will do all she can to not be in a relationship like her mom, but when she went away to school she couldn't even spot the looser from the crowd and ended up exactly where her mom is. Luckily the daughter got out, but the point is your daughter will end up just where you are and she needs to come before your pride. It isn't YOU with the problem, you are the victim! Get OUT!!
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  #12  
March 6th, 2010, 11:34 AM
dunerchick's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 704
Ya you need to get out and fast for both you and your dd also what is the story with the 9 year old does he have a good relationship with his bio mom? If your DH is abusive to him too he needs help and someone to be his voice, do it for all 3 of you..
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  #13  
March 6th, 2010, 12:03 PM
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I think it's time to leave. Do you have money left to get your own place and start over?
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  #14  
March 6th, 2010, 01:26 PM
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I believe the other ladies have given you great advice so I won't repeat the same thing. Hugs and prayers for you guys and I am so sorry that you are going through this.
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  #15  
March 6th, 2010, 01:48 PM
MrsRestivo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Highlands Ranch, CO
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The main problems are his son and money. His son's mom isn't around so he really looks to me as his mother.

Also, I don't make enough money to have my own place and support myself or a baby. I don't want my daughter to be without a father, and I don't know what to do. He is so good most of the time, but he has no self control over his emotions.

I'm so lost. I can't get a divorce. I got married in my church and I made a promise to make it work. We've only been married 6 months. I can't give up this soon.
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  #16  
March 6th, 2010, 01:53 PM
dunerchick's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 704
Maybe you could go see a counsler that could help you and help get dh into something maybe he needs some help too.. Do you have any friends you could talk to? Man if we knew what was happening with DH's job I would probably be in the same area as you..
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  #17  
March 6th, 2010, 02:30 PM
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Location: Lakeland, FL
Posts: 369
I was in a similar abusive marriage for ten years. They never change. I too believed in my christian vows and for better or for worse. I thought if I only loved him enough he would change. In 2005, he beat me so bad, that I had two cracked cheek bones, two black eyes and so on. Both of my boys ages 3 & 5 at the time witnessed this. That was when I made the decision to start working on getting out. In 2007 my divorce was final, and even though it hurt and I went through my share of mixed feelings of feeling like a failure and so on, I still knew that I did the right thing. My main driving force wasn't my safety or happiness, but rather that I didn't want my boys growing up thinking that it was right to treat a woman like that, which is precisely what your step-son is learning. I was scared to death that I would not be able to make it on my own, especially with 3 kids, but somehow (with the grace of God) ) I did, and I also managed to put myself through EMT school to secure a better future for them. I will be happy to help you in anyway you might need, you are a beautiful lady and don't deserve this. I will be praying for you.
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  #18  
March 6th, 2010, 03:22 PM
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Geez...I am so sorry you are going through this. I have to agree with the other ladies. You and your baby do not deserve this.
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  #19  
March 6th, 2010, 04:13 PM
dinamommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,610
I was married in church too and take my vows VERY seriously. IMO, your husband should too....and he's not living up to his. You really have to leave and call CPS about your step-son. He's in a dangerous situation too. I would never allow a man to treat me or my kids that way. It's not fair.
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  #20  
March 6th, 2010, 05:52 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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