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*rant* so it suddenly dawned on me

Forum: 2010 Playroom


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March 6th, 2010, 11:21 PM
hey there elizabeth's Avatar Johnathon's Mommy<3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 553
As you guys know me & the SO are separated...whatever you want to call it.

In my post it really kinda makes it sound like I don't love him so freaking much it hurts. But I do.
And he said he loved me too, and our son, which is part of the frustration and confusion I feel.
Why wouldn't he want whats obviously best for our son?

But anyway, I do not know how these next three months are going to go..
I'm in my last few days of my second trimester

& I just realized how emotional its gonna be for me to see him with our son after birth.

Like I cannot even put into words how much I want my son to have a good father & a loving daddy.
But also for me to have, a family.

& it just sucks because in the case we dont work things out...

I have to look at the two loves of my life...and I'm gonna see him in my son everyday.

I feel like he(my SO) is just gonna **** with my head more after the birth, especially being that our son will be here...it'll hurt alot more when he doesn't step up.

I never wanted to give my SO up, tbh. But I can't pretend things are okay when they're not.


^^ Thanks Niamh!!!<3

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March 6th, 2010, 11:35 PM
Mom.to.PinknBlue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Lame-o Illinois
Posts: 12,234

I have no advice to offer but if you just need to vent I am here for you!
Amelia: Wife to Ryan, Mama to Harleigh, with a boy on the way
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March 6th, 2010, 11:46 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
Originally Posted by hey there elizabeth View Post
Like I cannot even put into words how much I want my son to have a good father & a loving daddy.
But also for me to have, a family
Hunny, can I just say - I wanted SO badly to have these things for Gaby, and I thought that she couldn't have them 100%, if me & her father weren't together. I struggled with it a lot, and think that part of the reason I kept taking him back, was because of this - especially the fact I wanted her to have a 'proper' family... But you know what? Almost 3 1/2 years down the track, Gaby HAS all that. She has a father who cares immensely about her, and who tries really really hard to be the best father he can be - and I know that he loves her with all of his heart.... In conjunction with that, she has two aunties who adore her - and who spoil her rotten when she has her days with her Dad, she has a Nana & Grandpa, who by the sounds of it, spoil her rotten & love her to bits (even though she doesn't see them often).....

It also goes without saying that she has a Mama/Nan/Poppa/Aunty on my side of the family who would do anything for her, and give her every ounce of love that they have in their hearts......

Although it's not a 'normal' family situation, it IS A FAMILY... although we aren't together, she has a Mum & a Dad who love her, who care for her, who cherish every moment with her.... But she actually has something she wouldn't have if we were still together - she has a Mum & a Dad who are HAPPY, and therefore better parents. I can tell you without doubt, that if me & him were still together - if we had kept up our charade so that Gaby could have a 'proper' family - I wouldn't be happy - he wouldn't be happy - GABY WOULDN'T BE HAPPY.....

Society leads us to believe that what is best for the child is to have Mummy & Daddy at home together, to provide a stable environment. BUT... sometimes Mummy & Daddy being home together, in the same house, bringing up the child together ISN'T the most stable environment for the child.....

OKay, I feel like I'm preaching.. but I want you to know that i have been in your shoes before, I know how daunting it is, I know how upsetting it is, I know how much it can make you feel like you've failed your child........ But when he is 6 months old ,12 months old, 2, 3, 4, 10, 20 & HAPPY, you will realise that you did best by your son, and that you obviously did something right with the way you raised him..... and it is then, that you can tell society to shove it up their b*tts, and that you raised a **** good kid - and can be uberly proud of yourself!

There is nothing more satisfying for me, than when Gaby comes home from her Dads - she is excited to see me, but she is also full of stories of the fun she had with her Dad... & that's when I know that we are doing right by our daughter.....

oh.. and I just wanted to add........ whether you are with him or not, it'll be an overwhelmingly emotional experience when you see your baby boy & his Dad together..... As much as we had issues when Gaby was born, it was a wonderful experience to see Gaby & her Daddy for the first time.... even though I knew he was going home to his house & I'd be going home to mine.. it was still a moment I'll never forget... I thought it would be bittersweet, or upsetting for me.. but it wasn't...

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March 6th, 2010, 11:53 PM
hey there elizabeth's Avatar Johnathon's Mommy<3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 553
thank you for the support guys *hugs back to you*

and I know we dont have to be together to be a family,
but thats mostly MY want.
I want him not JUST for my son, but for me too.
If he doesn't grow up, that'll never happen...

But I wish I could live in the delusion that it will...

^^ Thanks Niamh!!!<3

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March 7th, 2010, 07:34 AM
Posts: n/a
Hun you are still young. Dont rush into things as far as a permanent relationship yet. Consentrate on your son. Things will all work out for the best in the end - even if you do not stay together. Trust me you dont want the permanent family this young - enjoy just being a mom. Just from my experience (and my sisters) - although it is not this way for everyone - a lot of times those guys years down the road feel like they lost out on life and then end up cheating go back to thier freedom years and then no one is happy, and there are bigger issues. I got married at 19 (ex was 21) and 13 years later he decided he had given up a lot of his life to be a husband and didnt want that anymore. It is most important that your son have his mom and dad even if they are not together then to be raised in a family that is not happy.
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March 7th, 2010, 12:14 PM
hey there elizabeth's Avatar Johnathon's Mommy<3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 553
as for permanent relationship? We already have one. We have a kid together. Nothing, not even marriage is more permanent than that.
As for marriage? I don't really believe in it unless we've been going healthy and strong for over two years (thats when I MIGHT say yes to engagement) & at least another year before a marriage ceremony. Plus I require a pre-nup to be signed. No matter what the situation.

Also, my son is a huge part of my want to be with my SO because we are happier together. He is just doing dumb stuff right now.

You ladies that are tellin me "it'll work out together or not"
I know. my parents have been divorced since I was 3 months old. I wouldn't have it any other way.
And my mom divorcing my stepdad probably saved my life. SO yeah I know sometimes its better to be apart.

If he would just grow up there would be no reason for us to not be together.
& if I wasnt thinking about my son in this, I would still be with him.
What he's doing doesn't hurt me, it hurts him.

^^ Thanks Niamh!!!<3

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