Log In Sign Up

Controversial topics?


Forum: 2010 Playroom

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To 2010 Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
March 10th, 2010, 10:46 PM
SweetSimpleThings's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: B.C., Canada
Posts: 7,832
Are there certain parenting things you will or won't do that you fear will be controversial with friends, family, etc. and create conflict?

I'm thinking of things like co-sleeping or having baby in their own room; CIO versus no-CIO; cloth diapers or disposable; breastfeeding or formula feeding, vaccinating/not vaccinating, etc.

Do you have people in your life who feel very differently on the same topic (ie. your mom thinks CIO is a good idea, and MIL doesn't, so you've got two people giving conflicting pressure on a topic?)

How do you think you will handle these things? Do you already know who you will butt heads with over certain things?

**This is not intended as a thread to start a debate about which of these things is the *right* way, more wondering if you are hesitant about advice and pressure from others on certain things.**


We've had a few people tell us we should CIO out at times, and conversely other people tell us we should be co-sleeping (DS sleeps in his own room, but we don't CIO - maybe three times we've let him cry for about three minutes when he's overtired and worked up, but I don't think it's ever been longer than three minutes, and that was at like a year old or older).

We've had a lot of people tease us about using cloth diapers, but nothing major.

Since this is our second, I'm not anticipating a huge amount of unwanted advice; people can see we didn't screw up the first one too badly doing things the way we wanted to
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #2  
March 10th, 2010, 11:34 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
I will be CIO, I will be using cloth, I will be immunising... luckily (??) no one I know really seems to care about the more 'controversial' parenting decisions/choices, so I'm not going to really come up against any criticism etc.... LOL i guess if anything I will get criticism about my sexuality - though not from my friends or family, so I guess it really doesn't matter
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #3  
March 11th, 2010, 05:49 AM
kimmiejo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 24,239
hmm not really sure I have much controversey in my life....I may opt to formula feed from the start, I didn't BF Syd and while I do want to try this time I have some reservations about it for my own reasons....I only have 1 friend who voices her opinion on this, but she is respectful about it.

I never did CIO with Sydney, not even because I don't believe in it but because I am just not good at it, she would cry and I would have to go get her. Her crying made me anxious so I wanted it to stop LOL....that may be why she still wakes up at night though?? so I will re eval the CIO situation once I see how Evan is in the sleeping department.

we co slept with Syd from about 6mo to 1yr, I still sleep with her some nights, again this likely contributes to her poor sleeping but I keep telling myself she will grow out of it and start sleeping better, 2 yrs and no end in sight. I am sure some people blame her sleeping on me.....I don't really care though LOL

we vaccinate on a delayed schedule....no one really seems to care about this one

we will circ....DHs family is Jewish so no one questions this one either

all in all no one really questions my parenting choices, I have a very pro BF friend who of course wants me to BF but at the end of the day she respects my choice. My parents and inlaws sort of stay out of our parenting choices, they only offer suggestions if we ask and for that I am thankful!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #4  
March 11th, 2010, 06:02 AM
shannonranee
Guest
Posts: n/a
there might be a few with my DH - but not with anyone else that I know. Only because I am a strong beliver in potty training BEFORE age 2 - and his children they did not even start trying to potty train before then. I am also a strong beliver in that babies or toddlers DO NOT need to walk around with a sippy cup or bottle. they can learn to sit to have those items, nor do they need them every time we get in the car (we did it this way with both my niece and my nephew) - not that there is not exceptions - ie long trip or we are eating. I have a friend whos kids would scream everytime she put them in the car or put them to bed until she gave them a sippy cup, it drove me nuts - I did not give her an opinion on it but she knew and so did they that in my car it was not allowed nor was it allowed whne they spent the night - they never scream for them at my house they would ask for a drink and keep the sippy in the kitchen. Dh is totally against pacifiers no matter what age - I dont see a problem in the first 2 months but after that I think they need to be weened of them. Dh is def a CIO person - I am at times but at other times no. Like at night for bed I cannot let them CIO or if I am just sitting doing nothing - however if I am in the middle of making dinner then yes the baby will have to CIO for a bit. There might be a few things we disagree on along the way - will just have to see.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
March 11th, 2010, 06:03 AM
ipsa's Avatar Mommy Times Two
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,380
I know that my MIL probably won't understand some of the more "attachment parenting" type decisions we are making. She is super traditional (and uninformed). She keeps trying to send me formula coupons because they are such a good deal. She doesn't understand that the better deal is not spending any money on formula if I don't have to.

We are going to use disposable diapers, so I try to distract her by having her look for coupons for those...
__________________

thanks to Jenn for this beautiful siggy


[/url]
Reply With Quote
  #6  
March 11th, 2010, 06:33 AM
LOUSEE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Houston
Posts: 1,393
I think my biggest worry will be about religion/baptisim/church, stuff like that with DHs family (they are very religous, I personally dont believe in organized religion). That being said, if my son wants to go to church I have no problems with it and will encourage it, I will also encourage him to look at several different religions if he is interested, not just one.... but I will not force him to go to church or believe in god or anything.

Other than that I dont think there will be any major issues with others... they might think I am too strict but I grew up a miltary brat and think kids need rules and regulations (dont want them growing up like DH who never got in trouble his entire life because nothing was his fault....always someon elses according to his mother. ).
Reply With Quote
  #7  
March 11th, 2010, 06:47 AM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 8,986
One of ours has been daycare. My mom is against it and thinks we should give up a salary and struggle rather than put the baby in daycare and live comfortable AND BE ABLE TO PROVIDE.

DH's mom and step-dad want us to cloth diaper....but (1) the daycare doesn't do that and (2) it doesn't fit our lifestyle. I just don't have the extra time. I really think they are getting the picture that we are not going to and haven't said much about it since seeing the bulk boxes of diapers I bought so far.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
March 11th, 2010, 06:54 AM
Oreobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Manitoba Canada
Posts: 6,749
Send a message via MSN to Oreobaby
As far as I know, no one is going to be giving us any controversal advice, mind you, baby isn't here yet, so who knows. I am careful not to give anyone my advice or oppinion. Unfortuantely for every single controversal topic there is a plus side and a negative side, and you just have to respect what others think.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #9  
March 11th, 2010, 07:07 AM
babyloves2dance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 13,557
I know that my MIL and I are going to butt heads about EVERYTHING!!! Not just controversial things, but EVERYTHING!! I was raised more laid back than DH was. He is 30 now and she is still telling me "make sure he comes in and takes a shower right away when he comes in from work." He is a farmer....so that would be like 6 showers a day. (All that excess shower taking is part of the reason I think he gets sick so easily - he was never exposed to things long enough to build up an immunity to them. JMO)
__________________
~*~ Kelsey ~*~


Missing our angel since February 17, 2009



Come join us!! Click on the blinkies below to follow me there!

























Reply With Quote
  #10  
March 11th, 2010, 07:46 AM
LM1385's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Alberta
Posts: 1,873
The only thing that comes to mind is circumcision. My mom believes in it, my MIL doesn't. Not that this will affect our decision if we have a boy. My husband would prefer to do it (he was not circumcised and I think he wishes that he was).

My MIL has voiced opinions to us about my niece, but never to her parents. So I think we are generally safe there. Except that she does things with her that my SIL really does not like, and I don't either, so I am not comfortable letting her babysit our baby! My mom might be a little more vocal but she doesn't live near us so I'll have to wait and see I guess!
__________________
Lisa & Brooke(4) + Blayne & Brewer(4) & Healy(4) + Baby = One Big Happy Family






Reply With Quote
  #11  
March 11th, 2010, 08:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 3,060
I let the baby kinda dictate what we do/don't do as far as sleeping. 3 of our 4 kids we co-slept with and one did not like it at all so he used a crib instead. I use CIO at about 12-18 months to get them into their own room if they co-slept with us. I will be using disposables because I think cloth will be too expensive with all the laundry I would have to do with 2 kids in diapers. Plus, I really don't want the hassle at the church daycare, out in public, etc. I think it is great though if someone has the energy for it I vaccinate and do it on time with the doctor's schedule. If a boy we will circumcise again. I will BF as long as baby wants it or until 18 mo - unless the baby bites me; then we will be done LOL. I probably won't begin potty training until about 2 yrs old - I did this with all of my kids and it went well. I will baby wear if that is what baby wants, but I am not opposed to laying baby down as much as baby is okay with it. I will begin homeschooling around 3rd-4th grade as I did with my older boys and we will attend church on Sundays like we do now. We mainly discipline with time-outs, losing privileges, groundings, etc but I do spank on occasion if it is the following situation 1) about to do something that can hurt/kill themselves or others - ie. running out into the street. That is pretty much it......
__________________

Josh and Kim - proud parents to Byron, Elijah, Abigail, Connor, Kara, and Baby
Reply With Quote
  #12  
March 11th, 2010, 09:07 AM
harmstrong's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3,353
No not really. I made it clear after dealing with all that crap with my daughter, that I will not tolerate it with my son. My family, my kids, my choice...plain and simple.
__________________
Heather
Mom to Emmalea((7),AJ(3) & Andrew (June 10,2010)
Reply With Quote
  #13  
March 11th, 2010, 09:17 AM
BluvnU4evr's Avatar Erica
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,573
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and everyone we know also respects our choices/decisions when it comes ot our kids. If they argue with us, we argue back, give our reasons and they usually shut up because they 1. can't back up their reasons enough to influence us and 2. or realize maybe we do know what we're doing after all.
__________________
Erica




Reply With Quote
  #14  
March 11th, 2010, 09:18 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,285
I am breastfeeding, cloth diapering, not CIO and not co-sleeping. The only person who seems to care is my sister who says breastfeeding is gross and ew cloth diapers you're going to have to wash those you know. She's not exactly the first person I would go to for advice lol.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
March 11th, 2010, 09:51 AM
Man N Cheese's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,416
I'm not really sure if anything will be controversial. This is the first grand baby on both sides of his family (mom/step-dad, dad/stepmom), and the 15th on my side. My parents live thousands of miles away so they drop in to see my kids once a year. My sisters homeschool and I don't....so I'm kind of the odd one out there, but know one has ever said anything about it that I know of. His side would probably have issues with co-sleeping, not using CIO and baby wearing if I talked about it, but I figure why even bring it up? I think my biggest obsticle will be BF in public (like when we go out to eat with them).
__________________
Mom to Conner, Logan, Brennen, and Ayla....Married to Mike.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
March 11th, 2010, 10:13 AM
Dean's Mama!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 429
Circ'ing is the big one for us, Nate isn't even happy that Dean won't be getting Circ'ed, I just told him that I will not sign anything and I haven't discussed it with my family because well Dean's penis is none of their business .
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #17  
March 11th, 2010, 10:24 AM
SpydrMnky27's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 5,202
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOUSEE View Post
I think my biggest worry will be about religion/baptisim/church, stuff like that with DHs family (they are very religous, I personally dont believe in organized religion). That being said, if my son wants to go to church I have no problems with it and will encourage it, I will also encourage him to look at several different religions if he is interested, not just one.... but I will not force him to go to church or believe in god or anything.

Other than that I dont think there will be any major issues with others... they might think I am too strict but I grew up a miltary brat and think kids need rules and regulations (dont want them growing up like DH who never got in trouble his entire life because nothing was his fault....always someon elses according to his mother. ).
Ditto to the bold parts.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #18  
March 11th, 2010, 10:27 AM
myblueyez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,121
I don' really foresee any issues with his or my family, besides I think if there is and they say anything, they know we will tell them it's OUR kid not theirs, we will parent as we see fit.

Now on the other hand, I think there may be a few issues between me and SO, nothing major such as circ, vacc, or BF/FF, but maybe over potty training or CIO or discipline once he's older. I only think this b/c this is our first child together, but who knows? We will see when that time comes...
__________________
Killing Time - my blog

~~Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my awesome siggy!~~


Reply With Quote
  #19  
March 11th, 2010, 11:46 AM
nuclearwife82's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Western Pa
Posts: 5,905
Send a message via AIM to nuclearwife82
Well...the first thing is that I want a natural VBAC...my aunt who I love to death thinks I'm insane and has actually said to me "You know having a repeat c-section doesn't make you any less of a woman".

The second thing is breastfeeding. I'm very pro-breastfeeding even though it didn't exactly work out with ds. Because of my views on this a cousin has deleted me on facebook.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #20  
March 11th, 2010, 11:51 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,285
I understand being pro whatever, but why take it to the point where you start alienating people from your life. It doesn't make sense to me.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:43 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0