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Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
March 30th, 2010, 09:46 PM
gloryfades's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 76
i really hate to be negative nancy here but this is driving me crazy.. i need to get it out.

my pregnancy was completely unplanned. basically, i'm having a child with someone i was "seeing" for a year. we were never anything official but definitely more than just casual sex. the very first thing he told me was that no matter what i chose to do, he'd be here for me. well, when i told him i was keeping the baby he pretty much tried to convince me to get an abortion. he called me selfish, told me i was ruining his life, and asked if i was doing this because i wanted to be with him more than just what we were.

from week 5-9 he refused to talk to me. i'd send the occasional text asking if we could just talk & he never responded. so right around 10 weeks he randomly decided to text me and call to see how i was feeling, if i was taking my prenatal vitamins, and etc.

everything from that moment was GREAT. he started coming around. he'd acknowledge the fact that we were having a child together. his family & i have gotten to know each other and they all adore me & cannot wait for the baby. my entire family is supportive. so i was feeling a lot less stressed out about everything.

so i am now 14 wks & 2 days. last wednesday when he left my house everything was fine. we talked a little bit before he went into work the next morning & after that.. NOTHING. he refuses to talk to me AGAIN. i seriously don't know what the heck happened? but i am confused, hurt, & stressed out.

his mom has been texting me asking how i have been feeling, if i need anything, & that her patience is running thin with him but she doesn't think reality has set in yet. she said she knows him & knows when it does set in that he's going to be a totally new person. blahblahblah

seriously? it's like GROW UP. i didn't have ANY time to adjust to this so why does he get to pick and choose when he feels like preparing for a baby? i'm done with this. i'm so sick of being upset about this. i am growing to seriously despise him.

OK, I FEEL BETTER. thanks for letting me vent.
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  #2  
March 31st, 2010, 12:29 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 304
Sperm donors are a dime a dozen. Your stressing out over someone who obviously is to immature to realize what he's going to miss out on in the future. If I were you I would totally stop any communication with him until he comes to you. I am just a mean person when it comes to men lol. I don't think this guy deserves all the attention and anger your focusing on him. Your baby does not need a stressed out mommy right now...relaxxxxxxxxxxxx ...this to shall pass girly. Be tough and feed him with the same spoon he's feeding you.
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  #3  
March 31st, 2010, 05:33 AM
C&J's Mom's Avatar Stacy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 3,087
I'm so sorry he is being such a jerk right now. I agree with the PP. Try to move on with your life without him. You obviously have a lot of support from both families. Drop your communication with him until he comes to you and when he does, make it very clear that this is his last chance. If he screws it up again, you are done. If he chooses to not be there, that is his own problem and he will be the one truly missing out.
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  #4  
March 31st, 2010, 05:36 AM
molly_jean's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,305
^ I agree. It sounds like you've got a good support system with your family and his mom, so you don't need him and his crap. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this though
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  #5  
March 31st, 2010, 06:28 AM
ameriguat
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Posts: n/a
It sounds like he doesn't know WHAT he wants and he's hesitant....to me, he seems if he's not in the life of his child now, when he's older he will want to be but then he's lost out on so much.

It seems you have a great support system now, I wouldn't worry about him.
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  #6  
March 31st, 2010, 06:38 AM
** Mandy **
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 24,284
I agree that it is best to focus on those who are supportive of you and not give him any more attention. I know it must be hard but I would adjust my thinking if I were you and just try not to expect him to be there - I certainly wouldn't trust him to be - that way you don't get so disappointed and stressed out when he lets you down. I'm glad there are people there for you to support you during this time. You're right that it is unfair that he gets to come in and out of the picture like this - I would let him be there for your baby's sake but don't expect him to be there for you - he hasn't shown that he is reliable and mature enough to do so. So sorry! (((HUGS!!!!)))
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  #7  
March 31st, 2010, 06:38 AM
pbcups10's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 681
I know it is difficult but I agree with the rest of the girls... you can't be stressing over him right now. If he wants to be a part of the baby's life he will have to choose that on his own. And if he doesn't you are better off. As far as financial support goes, I believe he has no choice on that matter but hopefully he will step up for that part at least without you having to get all legal on him. I know it was unplanned but I still get annoyed when guys are shocked a girl gets pregnant... I mean there is always that chance that you are taking.
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  #8  
March 31st, 2010, 07:27 AM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 10,759
I had a baby with a "Friend with Benefits" I totally pushed him having a relationship with her and stuck together until she was three and if I had to do it all over again I'd have just let him go. He has been the biggest pain in my life. I was complete convinced that she needed HER father but now I know that my new husband would have been enough daddy for her.

I hope everythings works out but sometimes the Garth Brooks song is right, "Some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."
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  #9  
March 31st, 2010, 07:41 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
I agree with Nicole. Do what is right for you and your baby. Both of your families are supportive, and that is GREAT! Forget about him. He may need that kick in the pants: you don't need him! If he truly wants to be in baby's life for good, that would be enough to wake him up.

I know it's hard, and we all would want men to be more appreciative and supportive, but some just aren't and unfortunately, we are hurt by it because we want what's right so badly. We're here for you sweetie and I hope he comes around. It's great that his mom is being supportive, even though she does stick up for her son once in a while (what mom doesn't)... ((HUGS)) Hang in there!
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  #10  
March 31st, 2010, 08:41 AM
mt23hc's Avatar Melissa
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Andrews Air Force Base, MD
Posts: 9,684
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I'm so sorry you're going through this! I understand the pain and wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I hope he does come around, but if he doesn't it sounds like you have a wonderful support system!
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  #11  
March 31st, 2010, 09:04 AM
gloryfades's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 76
thanks guy! i really appreciate all the responses. i don't feel so alone here. i'm going to just leave it alone. i think my biggest concern was i grew up without my dad & i know how hard it can be and i don't want my child to ever experience what my sibilings & i (and i'm sure a lot of other people) went through. but everyone is right, i am just going to stop trying to be patient, accommodating, & just end it all. when he's ready.. he can prove that to me.

again, thanks everyone!
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