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Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
July 21st, 2010, 08:28 AM
LifenTheFastLane's Avatar Mommy 2 Rhys~Rhylee~Jessa
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,650
There is a girl on my myspace who I have talked to a little through the years, I have edited a few of her pictures for her sometimes, like her maternity pictures, etc.
I was going through statuses last night and saw her most recent one's she is 21 and had a 8 month old little boy. Well at nap time yesterday when she went to check on him, he had passed away they have already ruled it SIDS. Her statuses are now talking about all the misery she is feeling, the pain, etc and wanting to die herself. My heart is breaking for her!!!
I really want to reach out to her, but not sure how, or even if its appropriate. Should I just not say anything? Or is there anything that comforted you if you have ever had a loss?
Thanks
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  #2  
July 21st, 2010, 09:14 AM
VeronicaBride's Avatar Jen
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,122
Honestly I don't have any advice but can't imagine how hard that must be. Some of the mama's that have been through a loss will probably be able to help more than me.
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  #3  
July 21st, 2010, 09:29 AM
SSgt_Wifey_USMC
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honestly, i'd just let her know that you are there for her if she every needed anything that if she needed someone to talk to you are all ears. Sometimes just letting a person vent or talk and you be the listener helps if its in person small touches(ex. hand on shoulders,etc.) or hugs can change her way of thinking or lighten up her thoughts a little bit. Maybe bringing over some home cooked meal or comfort snack?
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  #4  
July 21st, 2010, 09:41 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
I'd let her know what Carolyn said... you are deeply sorry this happened and that she's going through such tragedy and you are there if she ever needs to vent or talk or whatever. I agree, having a support system, even if it isn't used to it's potential, is such a great thing to have.

I can't imagine the pain she's going through. SIDS is always a HUGE fear of mine, and I about panicked every night with DD when I couldn't watch her every moment of sleep.

It still worries me, and I do not look forward to experiencing that fear again.
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  #5  
July 21st, 2010, 10:19 AM
MonkeyBugMommy's Avatar Brooke
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 4,428
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How terrible. I'm also terrified of SIDS and am not looking forward to those panicy nights sleeping with my hand on my baby to make sure she's breathing.

If I were in your shoes, I would let her know that you are thinking of her and then I would point her towards the loss boards here. There are women there that she could talk to who have been through the same thing and they might be able to comfort her.
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  #6  
July 21st, 2010, 10:23 AM
sassysarah's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 5,523
How sad There isn't anything you can say to make her feel better but I would just let her know you are thinking of her and if she ever wants to talk you are available to listen.
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  #7  
July 21st, 2010, 12:12 PM
Frangipani's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: the lower 48
Posts: 3,246
I just can't even imagine how horrible that must be.

I know from my miscarriages that just having someone say that they were thinking about me and if I needed anything to let them know, really helped. Nothing really makes you feel better or cheers you up, but it's nice to know that people are thinking about you.
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  #8  
July 21st, 2010, 12:26 PM
scunch's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,118
So very sad. I would let her know that you are sorry for her loss, etc. She and her family are in my prayers.
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  #9  
July 21st, 2010, 01:14 PM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
such a sad and heartbreaking thing. I would just let her know you are thinking about her and there for her.
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  #10  
July 21st, 2010, 01:21 PM
The Heather's Avatar Jedi Master of Piffleness
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 10,436
That is so sad. I would send her a message and let her know that you are there for her if she needs you.
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  #11  
July 21st, 2010, 01:36 PM
Angel_Maker
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Posts: n/a
WoW, that is just awful....

Honestly, tell her that you don't know what to say. With my losses, I hated when I'd have to sit there and listen to people stuttering trying to find the right words, when we both knew they had never been in my shoes...

Just tell her, "I have no idea what to say" "I know there's nothing I can say to take away your pain" "Please know that my heart is breaking for you" "You are in my prayers" "Please let me know if I can help you in any way"

Check in with her often....those who have suffered a loss tend to feel alienated and feel like the world is just moving on without them....it makes them feel good to know that people are still thinking about them...
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  #12  
July 21st, 2010, 02:29 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
That's so horrible!

I agree exactly with what Brandi said. Just let her know that you are there for her if she needs you, thinking about her, praying for her, anything, but that you don't know what to say or know that there is nothing that you can say to make it better. Just knowing that people care about her and her baby is the best anyone can do, and it really does help some of the lonliness and isolation.
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  #13  
July 21st, 2010, 04:01 PM
OwensMommy25's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,885
With my losses.. I just wanted someone to listen. Often people don't know what to say or dont want to make you talk about it... but its what I wanted!
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