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Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
September 19th, 2010, 07:56 PM
Daphinae's Avatar Sande
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 711
So DH wanted me to get a tubal at Roan's delivery, but I really wasn't keen on the idea. I couldn't commit to the "no more children" concept, while I was still pregnant. Somehow, it psychologically made me think I was saying no to ROAN, because he was my "next baby". And it just freaked me out to think about it. I also didn't want taking care of him to be any more difficult than it was with Finn.

DH has decided that that means he needs to get fixed, and has a consult appt with a dr on Wednesday. He's already made comments about how going thru two pregnancies with me was more than enough and he wasn't doing it again.

** NOW THEN **

His sister, Ang, has a dr appt on Wednesday too. To get some biopsy results and figure out if they are going to have to remove her uterus. She's 34, single, no children. She desperately wants a baby, has considered doing in-vitro and consigning herself to being a single mom. But now she's got a looming threat on the horizon of no kids at all (that she carries that is).

But I told my MIL that if she DID have to have her parts removed -- that I'd happily carry a baby for her. I had two really good pregnancies so I'd be a surrogate for her.

DH overheard me and it made him MAD! He says she can adopt and leave it at that. WTH kind of attitude is that, just because HE doesn't like the pregnancy period?! Sure, it's not sexy. I sleep 90% of the time, I eat like a hog, I cry if I don't get the exact food I want, there's no sex (undoubtedly his major concern...) -- but this is his SISTER! This would be his niece/nephew.

I don't think it's weird or creepy at all if I were to carry a baby for her, if she couldn't. We'd have to set up rules, like she pays all the out of pocket expenses for bills. BUT, it wouldn't bother me at all to pass baby over after delivery and not be the one feeding, etc. It's not MY baby, but it would let her have HER baby, when otherwise she might not be able to.

So I've really decided to tell DH that he can stuff it and if it comes to it, and his sister wants me to do it for her, then me and the kids (Finn and Roan) will just have to move in with my MIL until after delivery.

It might all be moot anyway -- but I was so astounded that he'd be that way to his own sister.
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  #2  
September 19th, 2010, 08:03 PM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
This would be one of the greatest, thoughtful gifts you could EVER give her. Men sometimes do NOT get it. I could *maybe* understand his hesitation if it were your eggs and her DH's swimmers or something that may lead to a greater emotional attachment, but considering everything, I certainly would not hesitate to do this either! It will definitely bring you closer to your niece or nephew and add a new dimension to the thought of spoiling
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  #3  
September 19th, 2010, 08:04 PM
(Mayhem)'s Avatar ~!Theresa!~
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,174
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In my opinion, it is YOUR body so it is YOUR decision. I think it is extremely admirable that you would be willing to do this. I don't know if it is something that I could do, I don't think I could let go of the baby after it is born no matter what I told myself or what the situation.
But kudos to you! Your SIL is very lucky to have you!
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  #4  
September 20th, 2010, 05:40 AM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
I would tell my DH to shove it too - that's a great and sweet thing for you to offer. Sorry he's being a jerk about it - men sometimes - gsh. And i'm sorry he's being kinda mean about - this is it for kids.
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  #5  
September 20th, 2010, 06:06 AM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 10,794
Yes I agree that your husbadn is being horrible about this. However if he felt that strongly about it I would go with what he is saying. As wonderful a gift as you want to give your SIL I doubt it is worth your marriage and your sons' father. I certainly would not push the issue right now and let things develope. After your SIL knows what she is facing and goes through what she needs to do to get healthy then after a some time has passed and you have a concrete idea what she would need then you can readdress the idea with your husband.

I am really sorry he feels so strongly about this.
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  #6  
September 20th, 2010, 06:09 AM
ginnkneephur's Avatar Rainbows and Sunshine
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,175
He's a crab. Seriously. LOL I'm sure you are aware.

I would do it if I could for certain people in my family. Unfortunately my body doesn't handle pregnancy well and it is nearly impossible for me to get pregnant. It happens randomly by fluke.

Tell him that it is your body and you can do what you want with it. If that is giving HIS sister a baby she desires then that's what you will do.
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  #7  
September 20th, 2010, 07:50 AM
KimberlyAnn327's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 4,945
I would definitely do it for someone close to me. I would not be able to do it if it were biologically my child but definitely biologically someone else's. Sorry your dh is acting that way.
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  #8  
September 20th, 2010, 08:19 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 670
I agree with the other ladies in that surrogacy is an amazing gift and reflects what an amazingly kind and giving a person you are. Your SIL is truly lucky. HOWEVER, I also agree that this is a HUGE deal, obviously not something to enter into without the support of your husband, and you need to seriously consider whether it is worth the physical and emotional strain it can place on your marriage. I say bravo to you, the world would be a better place, I have no doubt, if there were more people like you, but I would just take some time consider what's at stake.
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  #9  
September 20th, 2010, 11:28 AM
~SavedbyGrace~'s Avatar ~Nichole~
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicagolandish, Illinois
Posts: 3,414
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemisspregnant View Post
I agree with the other ladies in that surrogacy is an amazing gift and reflects what an amazingly kind and giving a person you are. Your SIL is truly lucky. HOWEVER, I also agree that this is a HUGE deal, obviously not something to enter into without the support of your husband, and you need to seriously consider whether it is worth the physical and emotional strain it can place on your marriage. I say bravo to you, the world would be a better place, I have no doubt, if there were more people like you, but I would just take some time consider what's at stake.
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