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Concern, what do you guys think?


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
October 3rd, 2010, 06:57 AM
H1C2's Avatar Life of Love
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So, i knw that everyone has a diff opinion and every baby is diff really. but there are times that i just want to snuggle and love and kiss and cuddle w/ Chase. but, i am worried about him starting to have that "need" to be held and not lay in his crib or swing or bouncer or even on the couch w/ us.

What do you think about ppl that say you are going to "spoil the baby". @ what point would he realize this and start feeding off of it? i am pretty sure @ 1wk and 5dys we are ok, but it makes me nervous too!

cuz this morning i sooo needed to cuddle him and he slept on the couch w/ me after eating for a while, i loved it!
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  #2  
October 3rd, 2010, 07:05 AM
nurselochia's Avatar Marathon running mom of 4
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Eh, Im one of those who is all about holding/snuggling/carrying etc as much as you want, but that's me! I have spent sooooo many hours just sitting and holding all my kids as babies and I never worried too much about them needing to be held all the time. I don't think you can spoil a baby. There is only a very short time in their lives that they will let you hold them before they get too busy to sit. I never had any problems with my kids thinking they needed to be held all the time. So I say go for it for as long as you want...they grow soo fast!
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  #3  
October 3rd, 2010, 07:52 AM
sweetmelissa's Avatar Live.Laugh.Love.
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I held both of my kids "more then normal" according to some people the first couple of months. Around 3 months when they started to show an interest in the toys on the bouncer or the play mat then I backed off a bit and let them spend more time "exploring". We never had a problem with either of them being spoiled and wanting to be held all the time.
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  #4  
October 3rd, 2010, 08:01 AM
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One of the best things I read when I was expecting my 1st is that babies under 1 are not capable of manipulation. I do not think you can be too affectionate with a young child. My 1st was held almost all the time, and at 19mo compared with his peers is is so obediant, polite and a great sharer.
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  #5  
October 3rd, 2010, 08:13 AM
ibdancn's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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As a newborn, snuggle away. I am one of those moms who will let my child CIO when it's time for bed (though I've never actually had to do it much). But my newborns receive LOTS of snuggle time. And even if I wasn't the one doing the "spoiling" we have a lot of family around and they would. However I never let my DD have tummy time, and it was a big mistake. By the time she showed interest in toys, she wouldn't lay on her tummy at all.
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  #6  
October 3rd, 2010, 09:55 AM
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I've also read that you can't spoil a baby, and it's best to respond to their cues and give food and affection according to their needs. But I think I've also read that you CAN overstimulate them, so just watch baby's reaction.

Looking forward to getting to be a snuggly mom myself!!
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  #7  
October 3rd, 2010, 10:00 AM
katiebear's Avatar Ryder's BIGGEST Fan!!
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I don't think Ryder's feet will hit the floor til he's 5 years old with my family being how they are lol!!! I am not one to speak though cause I will hold him every chance I get. I waited 9 months to hold him in my arms... so I will while I can Eventually he will grow up and not want the cuddles as much anymore!!
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  #8  
October 3rd, 2010, 10:09 AM
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you can't spoil a newborn. DS is the most carefree, independant, confident little boy and we kanagroo'd him and held him a TON when he was an infant. Sophia spends a lot of time in my or DH arms or on our chest and in turn is very content so far.

Once they pass the 1 year old point then they start learning to self comfort hold away.
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  #9  
October 3rd, 2010, 10:19 AM
Angel.Eyes4351's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Eeek... I might have a diff opinion here... I've worked in daycare for about 3 years now, since my DS1 was 2... and the phrase "you can't spoil a baby" makes me want to bang my head against a wall! lol I think that this early it is fine to cuddle, hold, snuggle lots!!! However, I personally try to put my babies down to sleep.... I think babies form habits...they are learning right from the beginning.... and I've experienced a lot of babies who don't know how to sleep without being on a warm body, without being fed to sleep, without swinging/bouncing...etc. I've had a baby who wouldn't eat his baby food unless you were holding him! At home his dad would hold him while his mom fed and entertained him.... BAD habit that I had to break.

If you plan on staying home with your baby, you can keep up with these habits and it may not ever even be an issue... But if you have (or plan to have) your child in daycare... it really does make it hard on the baby (and caregiver lol) if the baby has some bad habits that the caregiver can't reasonably accommodate. When you have 5 babies in one classroom it is a different ballgame.

I'm not against rocking to sleep, swings/bouncies, and I've fed my baby to sleep plenty of times... I guess I just try to be aware of how accustomed they're becoming to the behavior. Maybe switch it up here and there... and also like PP's said when they get a little bigger, make sure they have time to PLAY, on the floor! I think this is a mistake that some parents make and it can actually delay milestones.

Just my humble opinion....
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  #10  
October 3rd, 2010, 11:26 AM
missy11's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i am no expert but i read something about when they are newborns all the extra love and snuggling and the sense of touch makes them realize they can count on you rely on you trust you and is a MAJOR part of the growing experience mentally for the lil guys. i think right now you do not have to worry about extra love and snuggling! it is fine to let him have his alone time w out being held but even jsut a few minutes id think to "practice" my friend read that babys actually need their alone time, like five minutes or so of it. that if you pay attention they might have times where they are very antsy and dont seem to want to look you in the eye or be played w or held and my friend leaves her son to himself for about 5mins and then hes over it. i think i seriously wana read a early years book! lots of good info! as i to have no idea when i might be over doing something or just doing it wrong. ahhh!!!!!
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  #11  
October 3rd, 2010, 11:56 AM
JennaBee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am not only a mother of 2 but also have 8 years childcare experience and 2 degrees in child development and in 2 months a masters in psychology. Personally, I believe it is situational per child. Some children 'learn habits' faster than others. Where one child can be subjected to the same stimulus repeatedly with no continuing interest others will latch on quickly and become dependent of the stimulus. In my personal opinion things such as holding, cuddling, rocking to sleep etc. are encouraged as long as the child isn't showing signs of dependency. If your LO starts showing signs of dependency like they can NOT sleep without being rocked or held it may be time to vary your routine. However, you will always find mothers with different opinions who feel nothing wrong with rocking your 4yr old to sleep every night. Personally I choose to foster independent skills in my child while still giving them the comfort cuddles and snuggles they want and need.
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  #12  
October 3rd, 2010, 12:11 PM
mommyakawifey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel.Eyes4351 View Post
Eeek... I might have a diff opinion here... I've worked in daycare for about 3 years now, since my DS1 was 2... and the phrase "you can't spoil a baby" makes me want to bang my head against a wall! lol I think that this early it is fine to cuddle, hold, snuggle lots!!! However, I personally try to put my babies down to sleep.... I think babies form habits...they are learning right from the beginning.... and I've experienced a lot of babies who don't know how to sleep without being on a warm body, without being fed to sleep, without swinging/bouncing...etc. I've had a baby who wouldn't eat his baby food unless you were holding him! At home his dad would hold him while his mom fed and entertained him.... BAD habit that I had to break.

If you plan on staying home with your baby, you can keep up with these habits and it may not ever even be an issue... But if you have (or plan to have) your child in daycare... it really does make it hard on the baby (and caregiver lol) if the baby has some bad habits that the caregiver can't reasonably accommodate. When you have 5 babies in one classroom it is a different ballgame.

I'm not against rocking to sleep, swings/bouncies, and I've fed my baby to sleep plenty of times... I guess I just try to be aware of how accustomed they're becoming to the behavior. Maybe switch it up here and there... and also like PP's said when they get a little bigger, make sure they have time to PLAY, on the floor! I think this is a mistake that some parents make and it can actually delay milestones.

Just my humble opinion....
I agree exactly. That said I never let my babies get "frantic". If they are absolutely crying and upset I hold them.
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  #13  
October 3rd, 2010, 05:34 PM
Mellza's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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as someone who as also spent a lot of time in daycare, I agree with angeleyes, however, if you are staying home I say go for it.

As a nanny I held/wore the little one's (because there was only one little one), and that was fine... He got as much attention as he wanted... HOwever, in daycare the ratio (in arkansas) is 1 adult to 6 babies, so obviously some babies who are used to human attention/warm body are left to cry it out...
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  #14  
October 3rd, 2010, 05:50 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Babies under the age of 3m-6m don't really have the ability to self sooth...that is something that is learned. And while they do need the opportunity to learn this...tummy time...solo play time...quiet time....I say pick up that baby and hold them all you want!!!! Babies are only little once and trust me as a mom of a 5yo & a 2yo the time that they will let you hold them goes by way to fast.

You are the mama and know what is best for your baby. If it feels right to hold your child then do it

I held both my children a lot when they were little. Even wore them in slings for a good part of infancy. DD co-slept for about a year b/c she was a cuddler. DS liked his space so he slept in the pack and play in our room. Both are now very independent children who are eager to try new things on their own even though I held them and loved on them lots when they were little.

(PS...I love snuggley babies. I am really hoping my LO will be.)
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  #15  
October 3rd, 2010, 07:39 PM
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Just my opinion but I don't think you can "spoil" a young baby by holding them too much. That's ridiculous. They need to be held, they need to feel that security. I say, hold them and cuddle them as much as you can stand it. Because one day...and it won't be that long....they wont want to do that anymore and you'll be wishing you could snuggle them.
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  #16  
October 3rd, 2010, 08:42 PM
MadilynnsMomma's Avatar Katie
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Do whatever works for YOU. You'll be getting tons of advice from everyone who thinks there way is best, but only you can decide what works for you. I have put Madilynn down for literally a total of 30 minutes since we've been home not including time relatives have been holding her. She's also sleeping in bed with me.
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  #17  
October 4th, 2010, 12:25 AM
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I hve a 5yr old & a 2yr old.....nd let me tell u, I wish theyd still let me hold them and just cuddle them. They r super effectionate, but theres a difference lol. I say go for it. A baby is only a baby a VERY short time. Before u know it u will be chasing him around. So enjoy the eaceful & sweetnessof just holding your baby. It really is only a blink of time. Like soe of the other ladies said, if u feel he is becoming too dependant on being held and wont sleep or anything unless on u...then maybe start leaving him 2 cry a little longer, so he starts getting it...but at 1week....he isnt gettign spouled, hes being loved on
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  #18  
October 4th, 2010, 12:50 AM
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Hold him all you want. One day you won't be able too. My four yr
Old only cuddles with me on his terms LOL. I am sure his terms will become more frequent here soon LoL.
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  #19  
October 4th, 2010, 05:34 AM
1st Time Mommy ~10-8-10~
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I am also one of those snuggle, cuddle kiss them a ton.... I did a semester on college where I studied the closeness in other cultures with babies and mothers versus what we do here. In most other cultures they are constantly swaddled close to their moms, being carried attention etc. This keeps crying etc to a minimum.... so I say all for it but I know some disagree
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  #20  
October 4th, 2010, 02:01 PM
H1C2's Avatar Life of Love
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didnt realized it would spark this much conversation! awesome! thanks everyone. yesterday i did lay him in the bouncer near me, just to see how he would be, but he just looked around for like an hr like he usually does, and then fell asleep w/ out me or bottle or anyhting. so i am not worried about it. he goes to bed @ night after a little cuddle time and love, and never had problems. so i guess what i will do is try to do the "test" i did yesterday every onece and a while and see how it goes.

Thanks everyone!
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