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:( I knew this day would come


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  #1  
November 8th, 2010, 07:28 AM
Love_the_Shoes's Avatar Love my girls!!
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Alyssa is starting to forget who I am. I knew this day would come. And this is about the age that I read, that it starts. She doesn't get excited when she sees me anymore. At five months old, when I would pick her up from my moms (her "daycare"), she would smile so big and when I held her, she would get so excited, she's practically be jumping out of my arms. She would burry her head into my chest and then stare up at me. It made working feel alright, b/c she was so happy to see me.

But now, when I get her, she doesn't really care and when I drop her off in the mornings, that excited smile that she once did for me, she now does for my mom, her grandmother.

I think she thinks my mom is her mom now.

We only see Alyssa two hours a day She goes to bed at 6:30--we get home at 5:30. Matt only sees her for a half hour. In the mornings, I'm rushing and never have time to play with her..not that she wants to play b/c she's sleepy.

I had to go to an all day event yesterday and when I came home--she did the exact same thing...didn't really care. She wasn't excited to see me.

I now feel like I'm trying so bloody hard to get her to like me--and I feel fake around my own daughter. I know she can tell I'm being weird...I know am making extravagant gestures with my hands and making my voice go REALLY HIGH when I talk to her.

I'm really sad.

But I knew this day would happen. When I worked in daycares I saw it all the time. Sometimes the kids would actually cry when their parents got them....They thought the teachers were there mothers...they saw them more than the parents.



Can I get a hug? Please tell me I'm not alone. I need support.
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  #2  
November 8th, 2010, 07:52 AM
mylene169's Avatar Kaija and Kolbie's Mommy
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**hugs!**

First, I don't think that Aly thinks your mom is her mom. She KNOWS you are are her mom. She knows.
Second, Kolbie sees me all day every day and doesn't get excited to see me when I have to leave her for a little while and come back either.

Alyssa will never forget who you are. You make the time you do have with her all about the quality of the time you are spending. I barely saw Kaija when she was this age and she did the same thing. She spent all of her awake time with DH luckily, but I only had a few hours in the morning with her. I almost never put her to bed. It was rough. But when we were together I made the most of it and that's all you can do really.

More **hugs** I guess I don't have great advice but I do have support.
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  #3  
November 8th, 2010, 08:12 AM
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Hugs hun!! I also don't think Aly has forgotten who you are...babies always know who their mamas are! But I do understand your fear completely (hence why I'm no longer working). Hang in there!
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  #4  
November 8th, 2010, 08:19 AM
Racine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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*Huge Hugs!!*

Ditto the other ladies...she knows who her mama is! Babies go through phases, too. I leave Gav with my mother in law on Fridays so I can run errands sometimes and a while back he would do the same thing Aly used to do, get super excited the second I came back. Then for a couple months I would come back and he would barely look at me! Now he's in a completely attached stage and doesn't want anyone but DH or I to hold him. They are crazy little creatures and have lots of stages. When you are with her, try not to focus on how much you've been apart and just be yourself and show her all the love you have for her naturally.
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  #5  
November 8th, 2010, 08:22 AM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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HUGS!

I think she is just going through a phase. Jaxon did the same thing for a little while. Now he cries when I leave and only wants me when I get home. Just hang in there.
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  #6  
November 8th, 2010, 08:40 AM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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I definitely don't think she has forgotten you! She knows who her loving mommy is.
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  #7  
November 8th, 2010, 09:26 AM
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I don't think she has forgotten you at all. She knows that you're her mommy and she loves you. How is she on weekends when you're home more?
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  #8  
November 8th, 2010, 09:48 AM
Love_the_Shoes's Avatar Love my girls!!
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Shelley--we are so bombarded with family--everyone wants to see the baby...I can't tell you the last time Matt, Aly, and I just had a quiet weekend home. She is being passed around all the time..visitors all the time. It makes me so stressed. We are so busy She is alright at home...but even last night--my mom wasn't there and she still acted like she couldn't be bothered with me.

I feel like my cats love me more than she does right now. Forreal.
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  #9  
November 8th, 2010, 09:57 AM
LisaBrown's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugs honey! I had a nice long reply typed up and I lost it...

So I just want to say that she hasn't forgotten about her parents, she's probably just developing lots of self confidence and getting used to her routine more. That's a good thing! Wouldn't it just be horrible if she hated it so much that you felt guilty for leaving her each morning and had to deal with a screaming baby that has separation anxiety? I'm sorry it's so hard on you though. It must be tough not having a lot of time to spend with her. I'm totally dreading going back to work for the same reason.
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  #10  
November 8th, 2010, 11:03 AM
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Big big BIG hugs. Aly knows you're her Mama. Don't ever doubt that. The other ladies are right, it's just a stage. As long as you're doing your best and give her lots of attention when you do get to be with her, then she's just fine. You'll pull through hun, and the independence it's giving Aly will benefit her in the long run. More hugs sweetie, just hang in there.
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  #11  
November 8th, 2010, 11:50 AM
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She knows your her mother, hun. Babies do this even when they are around mom all day. I read a theory once that stated babies who trust their mothers to always be there will go through phases where they don't seem to care. its because they are secure.
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  #12  
November 8th, 2010, 01:43 PM
SerendipitysChild's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm with the other ladies on this one Hon, Beth brings up a really good point!!! I help in the nursery at Church quite a bit and there are LOTS of foster parents in our Church so I see first hand what babies are like who KNOW that their Mommy's are not there. Often, they are restless and very fussy, the smallest change really upsets them, even if it is just someone leaving the room, it is so sad and providing security and routine is the best thing you can do to help them adjust! Ally KNOWS she is secure and taken care of!!! she KNOWS you are her Mama and she loves you!! If you were suddenly gone, she would KNOW you were missing!! She is content and comfortable now with her routine, she knows that when you drop her off she will see you before bed so she can just kick back and have a divalicious life full of love and support!!

Babies go through stages of neediness and independance, she's just feeling loved and confident, she will never ever forget who Mommy is!!!
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  #13  
November 8th, 2010, 07:15 PM
Shantastic27's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Of course Aly knows who her mama is!!!

A couple of things: can you push her bedtime back by 30-60 min? Livi usually goes to bed around 8. This is when she starts to get really tired, but it also gives us some extra time to spend with her on week nights. Also, can you set some boundaries with your family? Maybe only spend time with family 2 weekends per month or something? Or even just one weekend day per weekend? We try and always have Sunday as our together day. So if we see family we plan it for Saturday. I'm very selfish with my time with Livi. I know that others want to spend time with her too, and they can but since dh and I both work full time the weekends are the only time that we get to really spend together as a family.

I SO know the insecurity and the guilt that you are feeling as a work outside of the home mama. These are some things that I have done to help me have more time with Liv, which makes me feel better.

Regardless, you are such a great mom and Aly knows it! I agree with the other gals...Aly just is secure that you're going to be there for her! Your bond with her cannot be broken that easily. I sometimes think...Oh my gosh, Lula (my caregiver!) is raising my child...what if she thinks that Lula's is home and I"M the babysitter??! But that's really not true. She has a great relationship with Lula, but I honestly believe that she knows where home is, and who her parents are.

Anyway, this just got super long but I wanted to let you know that I understand how you're feeling. The guilt and insecurity is immense. Your baby girl loves you. Once you start feeling better about things, the "fakeness" that you're feeling will go away. Huge hugs and kisses, my dear!
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  #14  
November 8th, 2010, 09:38 PM
Bosley's Avatar Hillary
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Ditto what the others said. I am sure she knows you are her momma and loves you. It's too ingrained in their "wiring" by now not to know. I do think some of it is just the babes growing and getting more independent. Please try to remind yourself that it is a good thing that she feels safe and secure with your mother and that you are blessed to have someone who loves her (and you) taking good care of her when you're not home.

And I agree about setting boundaries for how often people can come see the baby. I had to do that a lot in the beginning - especially with Jamie's bio-dad wanting to show him off to friends, colleagues, etc. It took me a while to feel comfortable turning down visits or social occasions just because I wanted private time with Jamie. I used to feel that I could only turn invitations/requests down if I had another commitment. But you can just say no for the sake of saying no.
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