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Do you ever change your mind about TTC? (x-posted)


Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  #1  
January 24th, 2011, 06:06 PM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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Like, does it suddenly hit you one day that you don't know how you'll manage with one more baby? And then you think to yourself, "Well, I don't HAVE to have one more baby....maybe I will just stop here."

That's been happening to me all week. Caleb is teething super badly and is very cranky, and we had my dad visiting from out of state, and then I had to rearrange the living room so that we had more space and was able to use the Xbox 360 Kinect (all while Caleb kept trying to climb up my legs), and it seemed like the only part of the day I could look forward to was his nap time. And that makes me feel like a bad mom.

So, I think about the future, and I wonder, "How in the world would I find time to do ANYTHING if I had yet another demanding baby on my hands?" They'd probably end up having different nap times, and then I'd NEVER get a break. Do I really want that?

I'm thinking of pushing back TTC a little further. I don't know how smart I'm being if I TTC right after Caleb turns one---especially with how easily Caleb was conceived (so, we'd probably get pregnant right away). But then I think, I want Caleb to have a closely-aged playmate---not just someone he's pretty much babysitting. I don't want to ruin what I want for both my child AND for me by being selfish for "me time" early on. Things WILL get easier as they get older and can both clearly tell me what they want (and be a little more independent). So...I feel like I should just toughen up and get through the first two difficult years, and then it'll be better. Does that sound horrible to say?


ETA: I just want to say that I'm not against those who prefer having siblings further apart in age. It's just not something that I think would fit my desired home life. I probably should have said that in the beginning. LoL.
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Last edited by krissy1989; January 24th, 2011 at 06:09 PM.
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  #2  
January 24th, 2011, 06:33 PM
Shantastic27's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I do think about that sometimes, but it's usually a fleeting thought and the next day I'm back to being excited about NTNP again . I think it's normal to feel overwhelmed, but if you are having more of those thoughts than you'd like, I think it's wise to wait a bit until you feel confident in your decision. Otherwise, I think it's totally normal to feel that way when your LO is being a crankster and things are a little harder than usual!
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  #3  
January 24th, 2011, 08:54 PM
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My girls are 19.5 months apart and it hasn't been that difficult at all. I don't get a lot of "me" time though, but it's getting better as they get older, which is why we're thinking of delaying TTC #3. It's a tough decision either way
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  #4  
January 25th, 2011, 03:36 AM
Love_the_Shoes's Avatar Love my girls!!
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I tell myself that my "me time" will be when I'm in my late 40's and Matt and I will be older, meaning, *hopefully* more financially secure and when the kids are in college, we can travel again and eat out and drink wine. It's something to look forward too...plus I reason, having close spaced babies means and building our family at a young age means that hopefully i can be around to spend time with my future grandchildren. My grandmother is old and can't really do much with Aly--whereas my mom is a younger grandmother and is so active physically and mentally in Aly's life and my other neices.

I have come to the conclusion that when hunhun2 is here my world is going to be absolutly insane and I'm sure I will be crying a lot. lol--I'm no help, huh? I'm scared to death.

But you will know when it's time--it can't be the end of the world (having close spaced babies) b/c women are doing it and surviving it all the time. I just think you need amazing eye cream and a ton of chocolate in the house.
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  #5  
January 25th, 2011, 03:42 AM
Kittynoah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Kris - I definitely have those thoughts and we are currently TTC! It is usually in a situation like you described - Jed is being cranky, or decides to wake up in the middle of the night and I am overwhelmed. But once that passes - I can't imagine my life without another one. Plus I want Jed to have a built in playmate!

And as far as the TTC thing goes - you are probably right that you will get pregnant right away, but - it only took 4 cycles to get preggo with Jed and now we are on cycle 9 with no BFP. I think every time is different.
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  #6  
January 25th, 2011, 04:50 AM
Amanda C's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's why my kids are so far apart I swore I wasn't having anymore after my first DS, but you see how that went
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  #7  
January 25th, 2011, 06:34 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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I think having them somewhat close together is easier. My girls are 27 months apart. It's challenging dealing with the terrible twos and now threes while trying to care for an infant. 18 months was a wonderful age and I bet easier to add a baby at that point. I don't get me time ever, not even on the weekend when DH is home. I think we will have a third child but would like to have a little more space between them this time. I feel like I'll get my time when the girls are in school.
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  #8  
January 25th, 2011, 06:44 AM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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Even for those of you who prefer your siblings further apart, you've each in your own way convinced me that having them closer together IS something that I want, and you've reassured me that better days are to come. Thank you, ladies!
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  #9  
January 25th, 2011, 06:48 AM
mylene169's Avatar Kaija and Kolbie's Mommy
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Laura is right that you never know how TTC is going to go. We got pregnant with Kaija on our first cycle trying. Kolbie was 9 cycles with a m/c in the middle. I was temping, charting, taking B6, you name it I was doing it! I'm expecting the same next time and know we just lucked out the first time.

But deciding when to TTC can be a hard thing! We went back and forth for a few months before I just told DH I wasn't refilling my BC so he could get on board or be surprised I guess it's never been a question of *if* we're going to have another baby, more a matter of *when* so I've never questioned TTC. But if you are feeling doubts then there's absolutely no harm in waiting a bit longer! You have to make the best decision for you and your family.
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  #10  
January 25th, 2011, 06:55 AM
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I have four kids 6 and under... my life is insane! But... they play so well together, and they offer me so many smiles. I think ANY stage is hard. My 6 year old is the most difficult right now.
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  #11  
January 25th, 2011, 07:03 AM
krissy1989's Avatar is loving her two boys!
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Mylene and Laura - That's a great point, and it's the reason I wanted to start trying right after Caleb first birthday. I want them right around two years apart or less, and it might take a few cycles to get it, so I guess I was/am more comfortable with the idea of them being closely-spaced if we get it on the first try, than I am with having them further apart. (Which is a little crazy, because just a few months ago I wanted to wait until Caleb was in school! But that was because he was so new and I couldn't imagine having another one right then.)

Beth - GREAT point! Every age is going to be difficult in its own way, so it makes no difference whether he's under 2 or over 4. It will be hard, and I know I DO want another one, so I might as well give him someone close to play with!
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  #12  
January 25th, 2011, 07:37 AM
Katie81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think there is any perfect age gap, close together and farther apart each would have their benefits. For us, having our kids close together just wasn't an option. DH and I both are in school full time and work. My parents watch our kids until they hit preschool age and they could t handle two babies at once. I also don't think I would personally enjoy trying to balance caring for two young ones at once.

DD is 46 months older than DS. Despite the gap, she absolutely adores him and is a huge help. He thinks she is pretty fantastic too. For us, this age gap works. I have two nieces who are 6 years apart who are best friends. You just can't predict that sort of thing.I know we will wait another 18 months at least before TTC.
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