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Dealing with family....

Forum: 2010 Playroom


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March 31st, 2011, 12:36 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Panama City, Fl
Posts: 2,221
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I have been getting comments from my mom about the things her family has said to her about me. I guess they all keep asking if I am done having kids, and that I am crazy to have so many. Like I have a huge family or something. I have three kids. I don't think that is a lot. I am going to be going there to visit, and I am sure they will say the stuff to me that they have been saying to my mom. How do you respond when people say things like that? I have had one lady in my family tell my mom that we should have stopped with two kids because we had the perfect family with one boy and one girl. I don't understand why they think they have the right to talk to my mom about these things. It isn't like I consult with my mom before I decide to have a baby. It isn't any of her business either. If I wasn't taking care of my kids I could understand that, but I have taken care of my kids without the help of anyone aside from my dh. We have never had family close enough to help, and I don't ask friends to watch my kids because they are friends not babysitters. I never talk to them unless I am visiting my parents, so I haven't had to deal with the comments from them yet. The last time I was there was when we were still ttc Alex. They didn't know that at the time, so they didn't say anything about it to me. What do you say to family that is like that? Should I even respond, or just ignore them? It isn't like it is any of their business, and I don't think I should have to explain myself to any of them. I just don't know what I should say when they start making their comments.

Vivian (6)
Caden (5)
Alex (2)
Maura born 9/11/12

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March 31st, 2011, 12:49 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,352
I'd tell them it's none of their business. You and your husband are the ones to decide what your definition of a perfect family is. I'm used to getting judgmental comments from my mother. When I announced our pregnancy she said we were stupid for having our kids so close together (27 months apart) and told everyone else that we didn't plan it that way even though we did. Now her comments consist of me being manipulated by a baby because I don't do CIO, my sex life will suffer because we co-sleep, oh and the latest thing is that my house is unfit for children because it is dirty (we have a housecleaner and I clean once a week). But enough thread-jacking, my point is that I am so used to it that I have no problem telling people to butt out. I don't want to hear it anymore. If you are confident in your decision, you will be confident enough to handle the criticism. Good luck!

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March 31st, 2011, 01:36 PM
niema's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: IN
Posts: 11,221
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Yeah, I have dealt with this since forever. I can give two flying hoots what someone says about me having more children. Its nobody's business to say what is the "perfect" family for you, or anyone for that matter. This is at the VERY top of my pet peeves list, I just cannot STAND it. I can understand why you would dread having to go visit and to have this kind of off limits topic pop up.
I'd totally ignore it and tell them its not up for discussions and your not asking for anyone's opinions. Besides, are they gonna be the one paying the medical bills? Are they paying your bills, putting food in your cabinets, or providing any kind of neccesities for you and your family? I dont think so, nuff said. Let them shove that.
Sorry, kind of a message that I need to send out to some members of SO's family.
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March 31st, 2011, 03:20 PM
Tiny Loves
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,123
EEk. My family hasn't said too much about the size of my family. I'd definitely tell them to butt out and that if they don't you'll call after you're done "trying" ... e.a.c.h.t.i.m.e.


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