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I just can't shake this desperation for everything to be ok. The uncertainty will surely kill me. I literally have a panic attack every time I go pee analyzing every inch of TP for even the smallest trace of blood. It's just awful. I want to feel happy, feel excited, I want to embrace this pregnancy embrace this baby. But every time I even *think* about what is growing inside of me I automatically remember my sweet Elianna. I remember seeing her for the first time. Sleeping. I remember holding her to my skin, what she felt like, how soft her skin was. I remember how she smelled how I just wanted to keep her scent with me forever. I just can't go through that again. I close my eyes and I see it all over again and I just don't know if I'm strong enough.
Hugs Jenna, I can tell that your words come right from your heart and I can feel the pain you are in. I am so sorry that I cant make it all better, i wish I could. I think sweet Elianna is an angel above watching out for the miracle growing inside of you
Sending you guys and many positive thoughts for you, hugs
I'm so sorry, Jenna! I can not imagine the loss or grief that goes with that loss. I don't think we forget for a very important reason: we know life is precious and our angels are special, too. I hope you never have to experience that again, and that this pregnancy is better and healthier than any you've had! I can't wait to meet your baby in 8-9 months (whatever it is left )
We're here for you, sweetie. Prayers are up there for this little bean.
When's your doc appointment?
__________________ Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
Jenna, feel free to PM me anytime - I don't know *exactly* what you're feeling but I can imagine it's pretty darn close to what I'm going through...every day, every moment in a pregnancy after a loss is a huge challenge. (for the record, I had a BAD bleed last week and everything *still* looks good and the doctors say they're still very optimistic, so don't ever lose hope!)
Forever missing our baby boy, Otis Allen, born September 12, 2010 at 41 wks; left this world 36 hours later.
Blessed with our Maui Miracle - Owen Kekoa, born 9/19/11 at 35w3d!
So after all of the bs that's been going on I found out my new EDD is November 22nd making me 10 weeks 2days today. So many are giving me so much spit about my pregnancy in general it's not something I'm gonna broadcast or even mention honestly. I'm just trying to keep everything on the DL.