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  #1  
December 1st, 2011, 09:16 AM
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How many of you ladies went to college? Big Universities or community college? Was college an option in your household? Did your parents/siblings go? Is college something you expect your kids to do or will it be their choice? What if they dont want to go to college, will you allow them to stay living in your home? Pay rent?

College was always encouraged but not demanded in my house when i was little.... Both my moms parents went, my grandpa went to Cornell for undergrad and law school after he was done with the military, my grandma i think went for two years before they got married. I dont believe my dads parents went. My dad went to a technical program for computers when they were just starting up and was a computer programmer my entire life. My mom tried college out of high school but dropped out, came home met my dad and got married and was a stay at home wife/mom for a while, then she went back to college when i was like 3 and got her degree. My sister went to Indiana University right out of high school and has her bachelors and she loved college... i tried community college for a year but i just couldnt find anything that interested me. I think since deep down all i really wanted to ever do was be a Mom college just seemed like a waste of money for me. I am also very introverted and never wanted the "going away from home" experience. Dh got his bachelors (online) and finished last year... his degree is in the field he's already working in so its really just a boost on his resume and he got a small raise. He regrets not going when he was younger but he was also in the military so that was his "becoming a man" experience instead.

I think we're going to strongly encourage at least a 2 year degree from a community college. Hopefully we'll be able to contribute to that financially but wont be able to do much if they want to go to a full time, away from home university most likely. If they want to enlist in the military then thats an option also. Dh insists that if our kids dont want to do either and just want to start working and live at home then they'll pay rent, i havent decided how i feel about that part yet.
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  #2  
December 1st, 2011, 11:24 AM
sandpaper06's Avatar Mom of 3 darlings
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College wasn't really a question in my house growing up. It was basically expected, and we all wanted to go. 3 of my grandparents got degrees, both my parents and all of my siblings. I'm basically the slacker in the family, I dropped out of my master's program.

I don't know if we're going to be strict on college per se, but I do want my kids to get at least some post secondary schooling (trade school would be fine).
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  #3  
December 1st, 2011, 12:07 PM
mylene169's Avatar Kaija and Kolbie's Mommy
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I guess I'm not certain that it was expected but there was no discussion of any other option either. I went to a small private Christian college (~1200 students) in the middle of nowhere. My only regret is that I decided a year too late that I wanted to major in Music Ed instead of Biology. Music Ed. was a 5 year program if you started on time and I would have been a year behind. NO WAY were my parents going to spring for 6 years at that school, and I wanted to be done in 4 regardless. Eventually I think I'd like a Master's in Biology, I do love it and don't regret the degree in general, just that I'd done a better job of deciding what to be when I grew up (and I still don't know so maybe it wouldn't have mattered?) Also, had I switched majors I wouldn't have met my husband...so... My mom did 4 years and my dad did 2 years at a state university to learn how to fix tractors and be a farmer! I went to my mom's parent's alma mater. I don't think my dad's parents went to college. My grandpa was in the army but that's all I know really.

I do expect our kids to go to college. But if they do want to join the military I'll support them. I think I'd like to help them make the right long-term decision on their careers though. For me it was kind of just "go to college, you'll figure it out..." but no one ever really helped guide me in any one direction. Even now my mom is like "Hey, maybe you could get an apprenticeship with an electrician." or "Um, why don't you apply at XYZ" or something. Ultimately I want my kids to be happy and fulfilled where they end up. Currently I'm happy but I wouldn't say I'm necessarily fulfilled completely.
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  #4  
December 1st, 2011, 12:09 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Attending a well respected university was expected in my house as well. My mom's parents both went to a large university. My grandmother originally planned on majoring in chemistry, which was unheard of at the time but she allowed others to talk her into majoring in Home Ec. My dad's parents did not attend college and didn't even graduate from high school. My dad went to a large university and got his MBA immediately (trying to avoid the Vietnam draft). My mom started at a small womens college, transferred to the large university where my dad went but dropped out after she got married. She did eventually finish her degree. My sister and I both attended the same university that is one of the best in our area. My grandparents helped pay for my sister and I to go to school. I had a few scholarships but then left the program for one of them, so my grandparents paid the rest so I could avoid student loans.

I expect my children to attend some sort of program after high school, whether it be a small college, big university, or even military. I would definitely prefer a college degree first though.

I plan on paying for my children to go to school. Mine was paid for, and I want the same for my kids. I don't want them to rule out a great school just because they can't afford it on their own.

If they choose not to further their education in some way, then they need to move out on their own. Failing out of college isn't going to fly with me either. DH's twin took the better part of a decade to finish college because of partying too hard, and my MIL supported him the whole time. Not going to happen in my house.
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  #5  
December 1st, 2011, 03:32 PM
JaxonsMom2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am a first generation college student, meaning my parents did not attend college, my grandparents didn't attend, my great-grandparents, and so on. I only have two other family members (cousins) who have finished with their four-year degree. College was not demanded, but encouraged. I planned on attending college after high school but was unable to due to my father's death. I did eventually attend a two-year college and graduated with my Associate's degree. I now work at that college and have since graduated with Bachelor's degree at a college in the Texas A&M system.

Since working in higher education, I now feel that some sort of higher education is important and necessary- whether it be a certificate or degree.
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  #6  
December 1st, 2011, 03:47 PM
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Attending college at a top school was an expectation in my family. My mom was not happy with where my sister ended up going since it wasn't a "top" school. I went to UC Berkeley, which at the time was the top public school in the world. It's fallen slightly in the rankings, but it still in the top 20 schools (public and private) world wide in most rankings.

My mom graduated from Stanford for her BS and Northwestern for medical school. My dad had an AA, but he went to war (Vietnam) and so he kinda missed out on college, after he came back he got cancer, etc. But he expected us to go.

My sister went to two smaller colleges (Whitman in Washington for her BA and Franklin Pierce for her law degree). My mom was upset mainly with the law school because my sister got into Harvard, Northwester, Berkeley, Stanford and some other top tier schools and chose to go to a small one. My mom is a big believer that in many cases the school you go to can help your career...which was true for me after graduating. Every job I had until I stopped working, I was told my resume went into the interview pile largely due to the school I graduated from, but I think my mom puts a bit too much emphasis on it as well. My half-brother went to Oregon State.

To this day, my mom is still pissed I didn't get a Ph.D or go to medical or law school. She thinks I'm wasting my degree since I'm a SAHM

DH has an AA and he really regrets not getting a 4 year degree...all 6 of his sisters have Bachelor degrees and Master/doctorate degrees.

I expect all of my kids to go to college. I want the girls to go to Cal Berkeley if I have to pay My mom is hoping they go to Stanford, and I told her if she pays then that's fine with me I paid for my schooling, but it was from money I had from Social Security and Veteran's benefits from my dad's death. My mom put it aside for each of us and gave us the amount when we turned 18 to use for college and to get started after that. DH and I will pay for all of our kid's college educations.
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  #7  
December 1st, 2011, 04:25 PM
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Oh, duh my other grandpa (Dad's dad) was in the military along with all his brothers... so thats what he did. My dads side of the family was more "working class" while my moms side was the go to school type. I'm pretty sure there arent many on my moms side that didnt go, i guess i'm the slacker....

My thing is, what if we have a daughter (or a son i guess) and she really just wants to be a stay at home parent? Yes, i really had no idea how it would work out of course... and i dont know what i would have done in the meantime if i hadnt met dh when i did, just worked retail or something i guess... but should i spend money (or have her take out loans) for a piece of paper shes never gonna use just because she "should" have a degree? I dunno... makes ya think
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  #8  
December 1st, 2011, 04:44 PM
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Sam, I always knew I wanted to be a mom and wife and stay home. I still went to college though, because I didn't know how long it would take to meet that special someone, etc. I also wanted to have the experience of college before getting married and all of that. So, even if Lily and Vi want to be SAHMs, I would expect them to get a degree just in case.
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  #9  
December 1st, 2011, 05:07 PM
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I see your point, and i guess it would make sense but i guess it would sort of depend on the kid IMO. Sometimes i do wish i had had the experience but at the same time i would have probably been miserable for a semester and came back home anyway, so i dunno. I guess you have to evaluate the situation with each kid more indepth at the time

I guess thats why i say at least go to community college... that at least wouldnt cost too much if they dont use the degree
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  #10  
December 1st, 2011, 05:55 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Sam, my grandmother, mom, and sister wanted to be a SAHM but they still got degrees. For our family, just the idea of furthering your education and studying something that interests you is what is most important. I knew that my major in college was worthless, but I love history. I had no intention of teaching, working in a museum, or going to grad school but my parents were still okay with paying for my schooling. I knew plenty of girls at my school that were only looking for a husband despite it being a top notch public university
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  #11  
December 1st, 2011, 06:08 PM
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I guess i'm cheap and dont want my kids to have to deal with loan he*l that dh and i are going through, lol
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  #12  
December 1st, 2011, 07:09 PM
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I kinda want my kids to be prepared just in case. A college degree today is not always that valuable, but it's something. A lot of jobs require even higher degrees. I want to make sure that if Lily or Vi wanted to be a SAHM and then changed their minds (or became widowed early, or divorce, or whatever), they could fall back on their education and find a good paying job to support themselves and their kids.

I know that if something happened to DH that I could find something fairly easily, even with this economy, based on my degree and job history to take care of us all, even though he has life insurance, etc. For me, it's just a safety net. I don't have any loans though, but even then I don't think it'd change my mind.
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  #13  
December 2nd, 2011, 06:02 AM
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Neither of my parents or DH's parents had a degree (my mom went back and got her bachelors in her 50's and my MIL went to college but never finished,) but college was always something that was assumed for my brother and I.

I went to the University of Florida and have a bachelors in criminology that I never used, and then went to a smaller community college nursing program after that because it had one of the best programs in the state. I'm starting at UCF next month to finish my bachelors in nursing and then grad school after that. I make good money as a RN but want to keep going for CRNA or NP. DH graduated from UF with two degrees in Philosophy and Political Science. He is also graduating this month from law school.

College is something we expect for our kids and we will pay for their living expenses while they go. Ideally more than one of them will choose the same school so we can just buy them a condo in that town and they can rent out rooms to their friends. A lot of parents did that at UF and they were good investments.
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  #14  
December 2nd, 2011, 07:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie81 View Post
College is something we expect for our kids and we will pay for their living expenses while they go. Ideally more than one of them will choose the same school so we can just buy them a condo in that town and they can rent out rooms to their friends. A lot of parents did that at UF and they were good investments.
Dh's sisters friend did that - dh's sister rents a room from her and they actually make money each month
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  #15  
December 2nd, 2011, 04:58 PM
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College wasn't really pushed or expected in our house because noone had gone before. My parents and grandparents, on both sides, stopped after high school. So I had originally planned that I would go to community collegeand get my certificate to be a drug and alcohol counselor and had to take an into to college course that talked about majors and credits and things and decided that I was going to get a bachelorette's instead. I got my associates at community college and then went to a small christian college and got my bachelors in sociology. Then I started my masters in social work at a large university but didn't finish because I got my current job and couldn't do both. I may go back to finish in the future though.
Something is going to be expected for my kids. Either a bachelors, a certificate, whatever is going to be able to get them a career. Even if Brynn is a SAHM I still think college and learning helps you grow as a person. I'd love to help pay, but she may have to take out loans like I did.
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  #16  
December 2nd, 2011, 05:08 PM
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Christy, I'm a first generations college student as well!! I went to a large university for both my bachelor and masters degree. My parents did not encourage college, nor did they really understand why I wanted to go.

I'll definitely encourage my children to go, but will not support them while they do it. Ben and I would like to pay for tuition to help, but I believe that paying for something yourself helps you value it more. If my kids aren't ready to go to school, I'm not going to push it. There is no sense in taking classes just for something to do when you're going to be paying so much for it. I have loads of student loans and I am USING my degrees.
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  #17  
December 3rd, 2011, 08:11 AM
LisaBrown's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My mom went to college (an english teaching college) and always encouraged us to go to University. She would have been ok with us going to college or even community college, but she knew we both had the potential and always encouraged us to figure out what we really wanted to do and go for it. We both went to the only French University in Eastern Canada which just happens to be in our town.

My sister could have gotten into probably any school she would have applied to but she got a scholarship to U of M and took it. I got quite a few burseries (sp?) but that only paid for one year and I took out student loans to pay the remaining 4 years. My sister had a few student loans too regardless of having a 20K scholarship. My sister has a Bachelor's in Finance and I have a B.Sc.-B.Ed. We both paid for ourselves since my mom was a single mother and couldn't afford it. Allthough I'll be paying my loans for another 10+ years, I'd be nowhere close to where I am if it weren't for my education, at least not where we live. My friends make half of what I make, have smaller benefits and still have loans. Most of them have gone to college for 2 year degrees and aren't working in their fields either. Only myself and another friend who went also, have jobs we actually like and pay well. I thikn that's the worst part. The job market sucks here for good paying jobs. It's been worth every penny...

We will really encourage a post secondary education also. I don't care what kind, but I want them to find their passion and run with it. We've started an educational savings plan for Melodie and hope that we'll be able to help her out, but the reality is she might have to pay for part of her education. If my kids aren't going to school and living under my roof they will have to work and pay rent while they find a new place though. If they are going to school and taking it seriously, then I'd be more than happy to have them stay and hopefully help them accumulate as little debt as possible.
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Last edited by LisaBrown; December 3rd, 2011 at 08:29 AM.
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  #18  
December 3rd, 2011, 01:57 PM
Kittynoah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My mom has an associate's degree and was a dental hygienist for years. My dad has a bachelors in computer science. College was pretty much just expected in our family. I attended a small private college - but had a full scholarship for academics. My sisters attended state colleges. I then attended a large state school for my master's degree, as did both my sisters. One sister is a lawyer and one sister is a dentist. I am a teacher. None of us could be in these professions without our degrees.

Our children will need to do something after high school - whether that is a trade school, military or college. Even if my daughter wants to be a stay at home mom, she needs a degree to fall back on. For example, I was 32 before I got married. If I didn't have a degree, what would I be doing during that time? I was able to buy my first home by myself (before I met my husband) and bought my second home as well. I was very established when I met him and it made our lives better for us to both to have stable jobs. DH has an associates in industrial technology and uses his degree as a maintenance man.

We will help as much as we can with schooling, but not if they are partying or failing.
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  #19  
December 3rd, 2011, 10:32 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have a bachelor's degree from a small college and am working online on my masters degree- I have two more classes until it's complete. I like being a SAHM, for me, it's important to be prepared just in case. My mom quit college at a state university to marry my dad. 27 years later he left her for another woman, something we never thought would ever in a million years happen in our family. My mom basically struggles now to make ends meet. All those years she stayed home while my dad advanced his career and then he left and she is stuck with an $12 an hour job. He was ordered to pay alimony for five years but that wasn't much considering she'd abandoned her schooling and quit pursuing her career in order to stay home with the kids.
I don't think my husband would ever do that to me, but of course, I never thought my dad would do that either. I think about what if my DH passed away or became incapacitated. I want to be able to pursue a career that would support all of our children.
On the other hand, as Sam has pointed out, that also means that upon graduation, I'm going to owe a heafty sum in student loans and I'm not going to go to work then one could reasonably argue that it's just wasted money.

I do want my kids to go to college. Or more accurately, I want them to do something- to have something to fall back on. It's fine with me if they chose to join the military or attend a trade school. I realize that a college degree is not appropriate for every vocation or career. Some career's require certification rather than degree's...and I'm okay with that too. I just want each of my children to be prepared to earn a living sufficient enough to support themselves and thier families if need be. If my daughters want to be SAHM's like me, I highly encourage that, however, I'd still like them to be prepared to be the family breadwinner if they have to be or if they are ever in an unexpected situation where their family needs them to be.
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  #20  
December 4th, 2011, 07:10 AM
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Yeah you guys are right, i do see your point and honestly if something happened to dh i dont really know what i would do. I guess i sort of mispoke, technically i DO have an Interior Decorating certification that i got through an online school but i kind of think it was a waste and i dont think people would take it seriously if i tried to find a job in that market... i tried for a little while before M was born and it didnt amount to anything... maybe i just didnt look hard enough but my area isnt exactly the kind of area that uses decorators.

Anyway, like i said i do see what you guys mean... i guess i also see it from the other side though as in if my parents had forced me to go after high school i would have hated it and probably done terrible therefore either having crappy grades or having to completely re take the class, taking classes that had nothing to do with what i wanted to do etc. I needed a break after high school

*fixed grammar error*
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Last edited by Sam914; December 4th, 2011 at 08:35 AM.
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