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I'm potentially facing a bit of sticky situation with this. DH's mom has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, which they will treat with radiation and chemo, but she's too weak to withstand the surgery she'd require to get rid of it for certain. We won't really know a good prognosis until after she's seen more specialists, but in reality, I need to mentally prepare for how to manage this.
Piling onto that, my mom's been having heart troubles for the last year, and they've been prevalent enough that they are now sending her in for an exploratory angiogram in order to prevent anything more serious, but heart stuff is heart stuff, and she's soooo close to her that I feel like I need to mentally prepare as much as possible for worst case scenarios. I hate to have to think that way, but that's how I'm wired.
Have any of you had to prepare little ones for a loss like this? How did you deal with it without it being "too much"?
Becky, mommy to my Monkey Pie, Maggie (June 10, 2010)
I dont know that i would prepare her until you know for sure that its not going to get better
you can talk about it, like grandma is sick and doctors are trying to make her all better. You could talk about death and things dying, and what happens after you die (if you have any beliefs about that) but i dont think i would specifically connect grandma and dying until you are fairly certain that it will happen in the very near future
This is such a hard topic. "Preparing" kids for death is hard, but I agree with the other ladies as far as talking about it. I do want to say that children are resilent and they bounce back more quickly with things than adults do. I think preparing her is not a bad idea at all because some kids do not get that chance and like with Jaynessa (10 yr old I have now) whose mom died a few years ago without warning and a grandmother who recently died without warning as well we are forced in situation that is uncomfortable and at times down right miserable.. I think by preparing her it gives you more time to deal with the possible unknown and teach her effective coping skills. I do believe that we should not be afraid of talking about death and loss. This is just my opinion
I wanted to add that I know with Caden and London we talk about death. We have had converstations about various things dying such as the leaves on a tree. I have even talked about the circle of life with Caden who is 5. We have even seen dead worms outside and we have talked about death in that manner.
I think by explaining it like this it becomes more concrete for them.
I don't know if this makes any sense or if even what someone else might do. It has just worked for us.
Sorry about your mom and your MIL not doing so well. It must be awful for your family. T&P for you and your family.
I have not been in a situation where I had to explain death to Sophia. But I think I would be honest about what is going on and explain what is happening. I like the idea of spending time with the moms and the other ladies' advice.
I think they are too young to understand at this age. My MIL passed away when Isabelle was 3 and she was still too young. Even now she doesn't really what it means that grandma is gone...she's just gone, but it doesn't affect her that much. (mind you we weren't really close to MIL and she hardly ever saw her, so maybe if it's someone she was really attached too it would be different).
I'm sorry you are going through these sad and stressful times right now. I hope that your mom and MIL get better.