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Forum: 2010 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By shockandawe
  • 1 Post By sfarrow3

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  #1  
November 28th, 2012, 05:56 AM
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So, if someone had told me 3 years ago, I'd be dealing with this, I wouldn't have believed them. But now it's me and I'm stuck - need some advice. Sorry it's long - context takes a bit to fill in.

Maggie is hot and cold with anyone who craves her attention. She's the worst with her dad. He wants nothing more than to be loved and admired and to snuggle with her, and for her part, the more he wants it, the less she gives it. She lures him in with a snippet of attention and then she hits the other guardrail and rides it for a good few days before she comes back around. It's not hard to believe this could be happening outside of the house too. She's a real tease.

When I went to pick Maggie up from preschool yesterday, she was laughing and twirling with another girl. Having a great old time. In fact she greeted me and it's the first time she ever went back to what she was playing so I could collect her things without something clinging on my leg. After I collected her puffer and turned around, another girl (whom I've already pegged as a problem child for Maggie and who is close to a year older) came up and started karate chopping Maggie and the other girl who were holding hand completely unprovoked. She actually cleared one third of the room to do this. She was obviously trying to separate them, but she hit her to the point where it hurt Maggie's arm and made her cry. She had to have hit Maggie 3 or 4 times.

I told the girl to stop, and told her to apologize. She of course didn't say she was sorry and cowered away in a corner. I tried to tell her again, and she turned further away. I told Maggie loudly enough for the girl to hear, that "It was ok. If she's going to be like that, you just don't play with her." The girl heard me and looked dead at me in the eyes as I said it.

I was furious when I got home, and decided that I should maybe engage this girl's mother to see if in some rational way, the two of us could figure a way to put this on the right path. But after sleeping on it, I came to realize that I could put money on the fact that the other girls feelings were probably hurt because Maggie snubbed her. Doesn't make what she did right or justifiable, but points me to what I have to work with Maggie on. Still highlights that the other girl has some serious issues too - if in fact it was completely unprovoked, I want this child's mother to address it. My child is still only 2.5. She doesn't comprehend the same things the other girl can. And my child should still be able to choose who she wants to play with and when without being hit for it regardless of how old she is.

I've asked the senior supervisor at the preschool to keep a closer eye on things between them...but I honestly don't know how to deal with this without either making it worse for Maggie somehow, or getting myself angrier and or in trouble. I don't want Maggie to be a snob, but I'm not about to let her be walked all over and beat up either.

Ideas?
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Last edited by shockandawe; November 29th, 2012 at 08:55 AM.
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  #2  
November 28th, 2012, 06:34 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Girl! Maggie and London are so similar that it's scary. London is very much a snob when it comes to people. She is literally hot one moment and cold the next. Yet London is very smart and I really think she does this to protect herself. I really think Maggie just doesn't really care for the other girl much and just chooses not to be around her. I personally do not see a problem with it unless Maggie is hitting or doing something totally out of line to the girl. As long as Maggie is polite and nice to her in general I really don't think it is necessary for her to "deal" with her. Kids are so smart and truly have a gift of discernment when it comes to their peers.
I know at London's daycare there are two twins her age there. One is a boy and the other a girl. Well london plays and loves the little boy, but leaves out the little girl often. After digging around as to why London had a "stank" attitude towards the girl, turns out that the little girl loves London's hair!..She loves London's hair so much that she will get a comb and attempt to comb and brush her hair. Uhh that's a big "no no" if anyone knows my child she is very particular about her hair and she doesn't want anyone messing and touching with it. Not to mention it hurts of course if someone is trying to rack a comb through it! lol...anyway...In turn London just flat out stopped dealing with her at all!

Now I do feel that the daycare can do a better job of maybe creating an atompsphere where maybe Maggie's perception of the little girl will change. I am assuming when I say this but if Maggie only sees the little girl as a problem person at daycare, then I wouldn't blame her for not wanting to play with her. The daycare could possibly do activites where the little girl and Maggie are required to interact more. Also maybe you could possibly have a playdate with the little girl and the mother and maybe you two can come together to see with the issues really are. I am positive that if you just approach the mother directly she will come off defensive.

I know you can't have a playdate with every little kid, but if this child is really the only one Maggie has an issue with I would try to get down to the bottom of it.
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  #3  
November 28th, 2012, 06:44 AM
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Do I hafffffta?

playdate - just gave me the chills...

lol...
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  #4  
November 28th, 2012, 06:50 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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hahahahahahahaha! ohh here is a thought...Does the daycare have any field trips coming up? Or maybe a Christmas party? Maybe you and the mother can talk then. Now this next advice may make you cringe..maybe you can have Maggie to give a little gift for Christmas at Christmas time. Something small. Hey what's the saying you get more bees with honey??? hahahaha

Ok...scratch it.... hahaha
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  #5  
November 28th, 2012, 08:54 AM
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LOL...that's very true and the play date solution had already crossed my mind.

You're right too - more bees with honey, but I ask you this...who wants more bees? They sting, they're insects, and I'm more inclined to want to step on one than invite one over for dinner.

I'll see how it goes the rest of this week, and if I don't get better reports or see a difference myself, I'll invite the dastardly bunch to the house for a "playdate". bleh.
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  #6  
November 28th, 2012, 09:25 AM
Celine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Does the older girl have issues with Maggie every day or was this the first time this happened?

Also I am curious why is the older child in Maggies class? I thought the kids are basically the same age? Or was the older girl just hanging out after daycare?

I can't believe the girl karate chopped on your LO and her friend. That's so strange. Poor Maggie. I think you did the right thing telling the older girl that it's wrong. Where were the daycare providers or the mom to the older girls when all this happened?

I am curious how you work this whole thing out. Keep us posted. Sorry I have no advice. And good luck.
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  #7  
November 28th, 2012, 10:23 AM
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I am also curious how things will work out. I would probably have the teacher discuss it with the parent and if things aren't resolved, have a confrence with you all together. Regardless if Maggie didn't want to play with her, she shouldn't be karate chopped because of it.
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  #8  
November 28th, 2012, 11:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celine View Post
Does the older girl have issues with Maggie every day or was this the first time this happened?

Also I am curious why is the older child in Maggies class? I thought the kids are basically the same age? Or was the older girl just hanging out after daycare?

I can't believe the girl karate chopped on your LO and her friend. That's so strange. Poor Maggie. I think you did the right thing telling the older girl that it's wrong. Where were the daycare providers or the mom to the older girls when all this happened?

I am curious how you work this whole thing out. Keep us posted. Sorry I have no advice. And good luck.
You may recall I started a thread a few weeks ago about a kid who was teaching Maggie bad habits? It may just be that Maggie got called out for them at home one too many times and has figured out that the other girl is a bad seed. From what I can tell, she has some kind of issue with her just about every day. Until yesterday though, it pretty much amounted to the other girl trying to tattle on Maggie for stupid stuff like leaving her bunny on a shelf or almost having an accident. You know, I used to believe there was no such thing as a bad child - now I'm not so sure.

Her preschool is kids aged 2 through 4. So they are all roughly the same age, the problem comes from the fact that there's just so much difference between 2.5 and 3 even. Still, this is the ONLY kid Maggie has had any issues with. She plays well with all the kids - even the ones who are there for before and after school program (so they're 4-7 yrs old). They all love her and she loves them.

The other teachers were a bit preoccupied and flustered when it happened. Seemed like they had more than one group in there when I arrived. Probably because of the weather.

Quote:
Originally Posted by krislati View Post
I am also curious how things will work out. I would probably have the teacher discuss it with the parent and if things aren't resolved, have a confrence with you all together. Regardless if Maggie didn't want to play with her, she shouldn't be karate chopped because of it.
I agree. I'll keep you all posted. I'm still not believing the restraint I had to muster.
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Last edited by shockandawe; November 28th, 2012 at 11:25 AM.
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  #9  
November 28th, 2012, 11:59 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The Chrstimas gift was actually me being silly..lol..Idk...I've dealt with alot of this stuff because my kiddos have been in DC for so long. Ive been thinking about this all day and I would defintely get to the bottom of it through the daycare. I would hold the daycare accountable.
It is there responsibility to ensure the safety of all children.
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  #10  
November 28th, 2012, 12:27 PM
Celine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shockandawe View Post
You may recall I started a thread a few weeks ago about a kid who was teaching Maggie bad habits? It may just be that Maggie got called out for them at home one too many times and has figured out that the other girl is a bad seed. From what I can tell, she has some kind of issue with her just about every day. Until yesterday though, it pretty much amounted to the other girl trying to tattle on Maggie for stupid stuff like leaving her bunny on a shelf or almost having an accident. You know, I used to believe there was no such thing as a bad child - now I'm not so sure.

Her preschool is kids aged 2 through 4. So they are all roughly the same age, the problem comes from the fact that there's just so much difference between 2.5 and 3 even. Still, this is the ONLY kid Maggie has had any issues with. She plays well with all the kids - even the ones who are there for before and after school program (so they're 4-7 yrs old). They all love her and she loves them.

The other teachers were a bit preoccupied and flustered when it happened. Seemed like they had more than one group in there when I arrived. Probably because of the weather.

I agree. I'll keep you all posted. I'm still not believing the restraint I had to muster.
Ok. I do remember the trouble child from your previous post. So that is her. I feel bad for the troublemaker child. Seems like something is wrong (at home?) that she is acting out like that, maybe? Hopefully the little girl is not going through something bad. IDK. Or is that normal behavior?

You did good keeping your cool!
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  #11  
November 29th, 2012, 08:55 AM
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***UPDATE

So when I went back in to pick Maggie up last night, the teachers told me everything went well, and that they did keep the girls separated. I tried to explain to the one that I wasn't wanting to be unreasonable but considering she's a year older, I had to raise my concern.

She fully understood and then gave me some background on what's been happening that I haven't seen. Tell ya, it made all the tumblers fall into place, and certainly helped put some other weird stuff we've seen at home into context.

The other girl is bossy, rude, ill mannered and aggressive. None of the kids like her and so none of them play with her. Maggie however, is the ONLY one who makes an effort to play with her. Of course when the other girl gets to be too much, or Maggie wants to play with someone new, she moves on and the other girl gets jealous and upset. So I was right about all of it, but what I didn't know was that NONE of the other kids will play with her.

It also explained why my mother was grilling me the other day about why Maggie would be telling her that none of us like her. She's just repeating what the other girl is feeling/saying. I was worried I had other issues I was going to have to address. Like any of us need more!

So, now I both feel sorta bad for the other girl, but mostly I'm dang proud of my child. Here I was worried that she was a good 50% of the problem, turns out she's the only one trying to be as inclusive as I've been trying to raise her to be.

So here are my silver linings:
1) this is only a problem until this kid starts full day kindergarten and she's a heck of a lot closer to it than Maggie is.
2) Maggie's made tons of friends who over time are going to have her back. And she's already doing the right thing by moving on when the girl gets out of control.
3) the teachers are intimately familiar with what's happening, and they have their eye on it.
4) this kind of inability to adjust is generally brought up with the parents during normal cycles, so I shouldn't have to concern myself with engaging the mother directly unless something wild and unforeseen occurs.

Anywho, thanks ladies for being the sounding board and helping me vet my thoughts with you - I can't even begin to describe how upset I was, second guessing myself at least every 10 minutes. Thank you thank you.
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  #12  
November 29th, 2012, 10:36 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank goodness!!!! Yep Miss Maggie is handling her own and doing great in my opinion. She seems to be a child that tries to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but knows when to walk away. You should be so proud!

I to feel sorry for that other little girl. I just wonder what's really going on at home....so sad..
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  #13  
December 2nd, 2012, 05:55 AM
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Way to go, Maggie! She sounds like a wonderful kid, and you should be proud.
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