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I think I'm pretty strict in my ideals for this, and maybe because of how I was raised and maybe because my friend's son (who's now 24) STILL mooches off of his mother and uses her to no end!
Yes, our kids will work for their savings. In fact, they have to pick up toys just to watch tv/movies, so they are already learning idea of reward and motivation.
At 18, they are on their own. They are either going to college (I can't imagine them not going to college, really... I mean, seriously, with our education and Sean teaching and blah blah blah...) OR if they REALLY don't want to go to college, they start a full time job and move out. Independence begins after the summer of hs graduation.
They will work during college. I had 5 pt jobs and played bball early on. DH worked. We had scholarships, too. If, beyond that, they need $ and don't get grants, we'll pitch in.
We have $ saved for them.
I totally believe if they've worked for something and saved up $ on their own, they tend to take care of it better (or appreciate it) than if it was simply given to them. Same thing with education
No credit cards, either... I can't believe parents give kids credit cards and then are amazed at all the insane charges on it. Nope.
We're going to teach them elements of finances, from the Rich Dad Poor Dad thoughts for kids, to Ramsey's financial training for kids, too.
And they have 3 piggy banks: save, spend, tithe/charity
__________________ Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
First, as far as kids living at home, I don't really have an issue with it in and of itself as long as it works for everyone involved. In many cultures, multigenerational homes are both normal and expected. I personally expect to have one or both of my parents living with me or my brother at some point in their lives (which I realize is the total opposite). I also don't see a problem with kids living at home to save money while in college or grad school, or even while they are starting out in their careers. In fact, I find it a lot more responsible than [what I did] a "kid" insisting on living on his/her own when he/she can't afford it, just to avoid living with his/her parents. All that said, when it starts to have a large negative effect on the parents, when they have to cut into their savings/retirement fund or delay retirement for an extended period of time, when the "kid" is not contributing to the household in both tangible (helping around the house, cleaning, cooking, etc.) and monetary ways, that is when I do see a problem.
My parents paid for college and necessary living expenses in college. To be honest, I probably worked harder, did better, and graduated faster knowing my parents were paying and also closely following my behavior and grades than I would have if I had taken out student loans, or even paid my own way with part time jobs. 1. I am still to this day scared of my parents and disappointing them 2. I'm not sure I was mature enough at 18 to grasp the concept of paying off student loans in the future. Heck, I wasn't really able to truly understand the concept at 22 when I went to law shcool. 3. Not having to work part time (I did work full time in the summer and actually did do research for my professors as a part time job to make my own spending money during the year) or pay my own bills allowed me to really focus on my education and extracirriculars. I highly doubt I would have been able to do as well if I was trying to balance work as well.
That said, I do think that having more responsibility towards some things would have definitely helped set me up better for living on my own. I don't know the perfect balance, but I think it's there somewhere. Not that I was incredibly irresponsible when on my own, but I did have my share of blunders. Of course, my brother had the same opportunities from my parents as I did, and he has never made any financial errors. Ever
I guess my thought is that there really is no one single right way. I think it's all about what works best for each individual family. I'm not saying that my family's way was perfect, at all, but it's worked for us so far. I think it depends on the family, their individual financial situation, the personailty of the kids, etc.
Honestly I think it depends on the situation and the family and what works for some kids/parents just won't for others.
Growing up I had lots of chores that I just did, never got paid for any of it. They were just things that were expected of me and I knew not to expect to be able to do anything or ask for anything without getting everything done. I wasn't required to get a job to pay for going out, gas, car insurance etc. I was grateful for everything my parents decided to give me and lucky for them didn't become a spoiled brat
When I started living with my mom during my high school years it was just me and her and she let me in on finances and budgeting a household, paying bills, grocery shopping etc. I knew what we could afford and when we could afford it and why or why not.
As for living with parents after being married. DH and I went to live with my mom after he got retired from the Army and we were going to save $$ up for a house. We didn't have to pay rent living with her, but we helped out in other way like paying for groceries every month and some utilities every other month. It didn't work out for us for other reasons, but I see nothing at all wrong with doing that.
We will definitely expect the kids to pay for their own fun stuff while in HS (not activities like sports or music) but things like if they want to go out with friends! We hope that we can provide them with a shared car (that way we can still expect for them to pick up/drop off younger siblings) but they will pay for gas and at least some of the insurance.
Same for college-we'll expect them to contribute by working. They can live rent free during summers, but after college, if they still want to live at home, they will pay rent. Summers will not be spent lounging around either! They will be "working" full time between summer classes and a job. We don't want them thinking they have a free ride (and we hope to instill enough knowledge about managing their money to them not need that!). It wouldn't be what they'd pay to fully supoort a place of their own, but definitely enough to force them to budget and make priorities. By 25, they will need to get out on their own.
Having a daughter that's almost 18 the thought of telling her she's out makes my stomach turn. There is no way our kids will be forced to leave until they are financially and emotionally ready. That being said they will not sit around and do nothing! We expect college and jobs. However, I'm not for jobs while in high school. I see how very little life/family time my girls have after school and homework. Hailey has wanted to get a job but I see it more as a privilege at this point and something that isn't necessary and will only 1. Exhaust her more and 2. Compromise her grades and college prep. My kids do chores. They actually do a ton around here. As much as sometimes I can complain, I think they do more then most of their friends. We dont pay them to do things that need to be done around the house. Sometimes we offer a paying job or ways for them to pay us back but they dont get money on a regular basis. So obviously we pay for their outings but they are very few and far between. I teach them to be extremely frugal and make wise choices with purchases. We are helping them with college choices/career paths where they have the best chance of getting jobs out of college.
I want them in a stable chaperoned environment while they are spending all this money on schooling AND during the "party years". We've had a friend live with us for a while because her parents kicked her out on her 18th. She had lived with two different people before coming to us. Fought to get/keep jobs that paid enough to live on her own which she never could do. College wasnt an option because she had to work so many hours to try to live. This girl was so very responsible. She had been working at krogers for 5 years by 19 and was very dedicated to her job. She was so happy a sweet. Well the struggle really got to her, she began to be sad all the time and is now living with an older guy who is her boyfriend. He treats her like super crap and she's not happy. Not going to school and can't get out of this abisive relationship because she has nowhere to go. Not to me toob her self worth is gone. Just makes me so very sad.
Like Amy mentioned, I have a view that many would probably not agree with... Oh well.
From my point of view, my concern isn't having my "adult" children in my home at some point or needing a little help at times... my main concern is raising children without that sense of entitlement and instilling in them a strong sense of responsibility, work ethic, and pride.
Having this view and picturing how my children will "turn out" as adults, I would never deny my struggling child a safe "place" (whether it be a physical place to dwell or a shoulder to lean on) to take refuge. I'd imagine it would take a lot of humility for them to even ask for help in the first place. (Now, prayers I can raise them up this way!!)
I was raised by hard working parents who wanted their children to have a foot up in this world because they struggled and fought for everything they've had. They didn't want us to struggle. I'd love to follow their example and one day be stable enough to provide support my kids if they ever needed anything.
I think with the economy the way it is MANY will be pretty down and out if even their own families will not look out for them. We experienced this first hand. After we graduated from college with 3 degrees between us we had to live with my parents for 6 weeks while job searching (and yes the searching began well before graduation). Thankfully both sets of parents offered help and I love them even more for it. They expected nothing in return besides our overwhelming gratitude because they knew we wouldn't have come to them if it weren't out of some serious humility and serious need. All the while we were job searching, pitching in around the house, etc.
I just know as a mom at this age I'd do anything for my babies to help them grow and succeed in life. If I do my job right: instilling them with my values, raising them with strong moral character, teaching them responsibility, etc... I don't see how my desire to help them succeed could ever diminish.
I don't want my kids to leave when they turn 18/graduate from high school. I want them here! Jillian is a lot like me, though, and I know that she's going to want to spread her wings. I left home when I graduated. I went to college 10 hours away from home. I will be so, so heartbroken and proud at the same time if Jillian takes off on me like that! I can't think of Lucy in that aspect at all right now, but Jillian has been talking about going to college since she was two.
As far as working in high school, I say no way. Brandon thinks that our kids should work in high school because he did, but he also was a major slacker in high school. His job was his life, school was not important. I want my kids' only concern in high school to be school and their extracurricular activities. There will be plenty of time for working later in their lives. Summer jobs would be great, but not during the school year.
As far as college, I will not expect my children to pay for college or to have jobs. I will expect them to shoot for scholarships. If they want to have jobs, that's fine, but I don't want them to need them. I want them to focus on school. We will pay for everything for them.
Maybe it sounds like our kids will be spoiled, but I don't care. I figure as long as they are keeping up their grades, they're doing their part.
Both kids have bought their own DS and we try to teach them the value of a dollar and how to make that dollar go as far as possible. Even when I was in the hospital the kids would rat daddy out for not getting things on sale and with a coupon. LOL
Who knows what will happen with life after HS. Hubby have talked about once they are grown we can sell our house and then buy us a cabin somewhere remote. So that way they won't want to come back.
Hopefully we teach them well and they want to do well in life and they succeed at that.
I cannot help but to be amused. All the ideas are great until we add our children into the mix. They often have very different plans than we do. When my oldest was 17 I allowed him to get a job at Sonic with the idea that he would save 50% for his car and moving out. He completely agreed. When he got his first check I explained all the numbers on it and the next day he cashed it. In stead of coming home he stayed at his friends. Soon he dropped out of school, next his girl friend was pregnant...
The hard part is accepting these are his choices not mine.
So true, Nicole! We have to keep those things in place. I guess it's an "if this were the perfect world, what would your actions be" type of thread. We can all keep our fingers crossed that our kids will make good decisions and share the same values and morals we do