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I have no idea what works. it differs from day to day.
I liked the jar idea (putting three treats in the jar, taping 3 smiley faces to the jar, and crossing out/taking away a treat, and then rewarding him/her with the treats that remain at the end of teh day...BUT...that wouldnt work for Trey. At least, at this age, it wouldnt work for Trey. Trey is all about instant gratification. I've tried bribing him before "if you do really good in the grocery store, mommy will give you this piece of candy"....all he did was cry and whine for the candy the entire time.
4. Life's not always fair. <-----------A&L are currently learning about this. I'm always telling them, You win some, You lose some. We are having a HUGE raffle and carnival at school on Sat and the kids each get 5 raffle tickets and they can put it in any item they want (except the **** live rabbit, ***?!) and they are so convinced they are going to win the IPAD, Kindle Fire, or DS......I'm trying to teach them about odds and that it's ok if you don't win. blech.
Respect is mutual and Consistency....agree with these two and try to implement.
Right now my counting still seems to work....if I need her to do something and she won't listen I start counting to three and if I say three, then that means trouble. "trouble" isn't really defined though...it could be time-out, taking something away or some other consequence. Usually she cooperates before i have to say three. I try to only use that when really needed so it doesn't loose its effectiveness.
We both TRY to be consistent, but it's tough sometimes. I do like some of her suggestions. What I've found with Grace is that she definitely needs a "cool off" or "time out" period if she's mad/freaking out. Trying to console her or talk to her will NOT work. I'll usually suggest that she go lay down or something, or get in her tent...somewhere where she can be alone and calm down. She's even started running to her room (on her own) and laying down for a minute or so just to cool off, and then she'll come back in a better mood. I also like her suggestion of picking something that they can help out with aorund the house, even if it's small. For a long time, I've had Grace help me with loading the dryer and then adding detergent to the washing machine. She enjoys it and will come running if she hears me start up the washing machine. Then recently we've started cleaning up the toys from the living room before bedtime...she's not as excited about that, but she will usually willingly help me.