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Its been several weeks since I learned that I was pregnant. and I still cant believe it. I don't know if anyone else has done this but just the other day I took out a cheapy left over hpt just to be sure again... and sure enough the line turned almost purple instantly, which is a far cry from the first barely there pink I got back at the beginning of all this. I know its ridiculous but it made me smile the second I glanced at it.
The only down side to being pregnant for me so far is this constant fear, or rather expectation that a miscarriage is on its way. I know others have this fear too... not sure if you all obsess about it as I seem to be doing. But I don't know that I can be blamed for this. I've been told about my condition ever since I was 19. I've known the risks for over a decade and this is the first time I've had to actually face them... I guess what I'm saying is that a decade of thinking about it is enough time to convince anyone that it is inevitable!
We've decided not to tell the family on either side. Several reasons here.... regarding my family i'm not so sure that the news will be recieved well... more like lots of crying and the question "do you know what you are getting into" asked repeatedly in different forms. I'm just not up to dealing with this and so have chosen the only path that will avoid it until the pregnancy is completely viable. Regardig his family, I simply don't want to be the barer of bad news when or if the pregnancy does self-abort.... to have to live the moment would be bad enough,, to have to relive it for others would be I think unbearable.
I believe I'm due on either the 16th or 17th. could be either. I had blood work done just yesterday but I won't expect any of those results at least until my Dr. Apt on nov.7 or 8th.. (cant remember which it is).
In the mean time I find myself becoming more paranoid, and at the same time more cautiously optimistic as the weeks progress. So far I've had no spotting of any kind that i know of.. .and the serious bloat and cramping have stopped. I have had a few minor feelings of nausea, the bbs are tender, and I tend to become a gaseous anomaly occasionally. So far the worst thing about being pregnant has been this CRAPPY cold I can't seem to kick!! Other than that, the sailing has been smooth so far... so like I said.. cautiously optimistic but still on the lookout for impending doom lurking on the horizon.
I look forward to sharing and learning about everyones pregnancy experience in the next months.