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So we moved out west to be closer to DH's family, who I love... All but my brother-in-law's new wife. She and my BIL have been very cruel to me and even announced their pregnancy in a cruel way. I think BIL has an inferiority complex because he constantly talks and acts like he's in competition with DH (who ignores all his antics, completely). After a major blow-up last year that left BIL's wife cursing me out and calling me all sorts of awful names, I swore I wouldn't deal with either of them again if I didn't have to. I've made the choice to avoid most family functions they attend (which fortunately isn't too many), but I've been told by some family members that I'm "letting them win" and I'm taking the coward's way out. I'm definitely trying to protect myself from being hurt again, that's for sure, but I also just want to cut any and all negativity from my life, and try as I might to have what they say roll off me, their nasty comments are still hurtful.
I've expressed to DH how much I wish he could have a good relationship with his brother, but he's told me that it was never a good relationship, not even before I joined the family, because his brother is insisting everything's a competition and gets really nasty about it. DH is sad that things aren't better, but he also told me that it's not for want of trying on both our parts.
FAMILY DRAMA SUCKS!!! I'm sorry you have to put up with such BS. I will never understand why people are so childish and selfish. The only thing I can say is to not let them control if you go to family functions or not. And if things get bad enough perhaps your DH should talk to his family, minus the spouses, and get everything cleared up so that you feel welcome in a new town. It really does sound like the family is on your side, but they don't know how to stand up to DH's crazy brother. And if that doesn't work why don't you guys plan family events with out crazy BIL so you and your daughter have a healthy relationship with the ones that are worth seeing.
Family drama is no fun. I have had my fair share of drama with my MIL, but I still have no choice but to put up with her if I want my marriage to be ok. Sucks, but it is what it is.
I don't think you're taking the cowards way out or letting anybody win,and I completely understand why you wouldn't want to surround yourself with that. I have told my DH that if his mother does anything like she has done to me in the past, I will wash my hands of her and be done, even if that means my marriage has to fail because of it, simply because I don't deserve to be treated with disrespect just because somebody is jealous of the relationships I have, so I get where you're coming from. If you know they act a certain way, then there isn't any reason you should expect them to change and by not going around them saves a lot of heartache. I just hope it doesn't take away too much from your relationships with everybody else in your DH's family.
*hugs* Family drama is definitely the worst! I can definitely see why you would want to avoid all the negativity. I hope you don't let those two immature jerks get in the way of your other family though. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope things work out for you all.
You are right to not get involved with their drama. Especially now you should be calm and not stressed-stress during pregnancy can be very harmful and you don't need to be worrying about that! I'm sorry you're going through this, but I hope you're able to stay strong and keep away from the drama.