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Realized something that's kind of freaking me out.


Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
January 14th, 2011, 02:35 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Okay, here's a bit of back story:

My parent's first baby was stillborn at 21 weeks. They named her Bethany Reine, and I've always loved her middle name. I decided at a young age I wanted to give a little girl my sister's name as a middle name. But when we picked Cora's name, Reine didn't really fit as a middle name, so we went with Rei instead (just to clarify, Reine is pronounced like wren, and Rei is pronounced like ray. Slight difference, but Rei fit better).

Well, then, Cora died, and it clicked: My mom's oldest brother was stillborn. He was named Lynn, and my grandmother gave my mom the name as a middle name in honor of her little guy. She and my dad lost their first baby, too.

My parents gave me the middle name Renée after my dad's younger sister who died just before she turned 3. And I lost my first baby.

So when Erin turned out to be a girl, I chickened out of giving her Bethany's middle name...for fear that it would "curse" her to lose a baby too.


So....I'm still determined to use the name Reine. I thought I'd gotten over most of the superstition...until I realized...My mom's the 3rd living child. My dad's the 3rd living child. I'm the 3rd living child. Skittles will be the 3rd living child.

Gah.

I brought it up to my husband and his solution was "well, let's not use the name then, if it worries you so much."

And that thought made me want to cry.

I know logically that giving her my sister's name wouldn't cause her to have a baby die...but emotionally not so much. Ugh. I hate this.
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  #2  
January 14th, 2011, 02:39 PM
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Wow that is a lot of loss . Do what makes you feel the most comfortable. oh and pray about it
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  #3  
January 14th, 2011, 02:44 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SewDivine View Post
Wow that is a lot of loss . Do what makes you feel the most comfortable. oh and pray about it
Yeah it is. And it's not even the end of it. All of my aunts have had 2 or more miscarriages, my mom's youngest sister lost 3 babies around 20 weeks due to IC, and a couple years ago, one of my cousins lost one of his twins boys to SIDS.

I really feel like Reine is supposed to be the next girl's middle name. I just need to get over the superstitious part.
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  #4  
January 14th, 2011, 02:48 PM
erjo's Avatar Veteran
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It's so hard when you've had a loss not to be superstitious and worried with your next babies.

You'll do the right thing. And you certainly don't have to choose now.
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  #5  
January 14th, 2011, 02:55 PM
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that's alot ot think about I'd do what makes you the most comfortable
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  #6  
January 14th, 2011, 03:00 PM
mafiamom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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so very much tragedy for one family to overcome

i can understand the nervousness you are feeling. so much loss.... bound to make anyone superstitious. i think if it were me, i would just wait to name the baby til it is born. once it is born then you know it is "safe"..... no need to decide right this second!
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  #7  
January 14th, 2011, 03:10 PM
thepinkleprechaun's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yeah....I would not use it. Most people's superstition is my reality, so I would do my best to break the cycle, and definitely would not use the name.

Sounds like your family has really been through a lot Out of curiosity, did your grandma take DES? My grandma did and my aunts have been either infertile, gone into menopause at 25 years old, or had several stillbirths and other horrible things happen to them

(it was a "fertility" drug they used to give women to keep them pregnant if they'd had losses)
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  #8  
January 14th, 2011, 03:19 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I don't know, actually. He died during labor, though. And according to the autopsy had nothing wrong with him, so they just don't know why he died.
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  #9  
January 14th, 2011, 03:20 PM
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I am not at all superstitious, but that is a lot of coincidence! I would use the name if it means so much to you, but ya know, there is a chance that this baby is a boy. At least a 50% chance.
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  #10  
January 14th, 2011, 03:21 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Yes, I know Rachel! lol In that case I'd be totally stumped for names. We used both our fathers' middle names on one son! lol
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  #11  
January 14th, 2011, 03:47 PM
*~ Joni ~*'s Avatar Jordana Jacoby & Jamason
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Oh man, that's a lot. I would be nervous about using it too
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  #12  
January 14th, 2011, 05:53 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Part of me just thinks it's ridiculous, you know? What I name her will have no bearing on whether or not she will lose a baby. But if she did...I'd feel forever guilty.


I really want to honor my sister. I think it'd be especially good for my mother who never really talks about Bethany. She felt a lot of pressure to just "move on" and got pregnant with my oldest brother really quickly, and never has really been able to grieve like I have. I want her to know that I accept and honor my sister.

And I think that outweighs the fear/superstition.
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  #13  
January 14th, 2011, 06:32 PM
Mama.Angie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh wow. That's so sad, I'm sorry for your families loss. I think you just need to do what makes you comfortable, and think long and hard about it. If it is a girl, and you use the name, I think it would have such an amazing story, to carry all that history. But, like mentioned above, it could be a boy. Naming can be so hard, especially it you're going with such meaningful names. Good luck!
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  #14  
January 14th, 2011, 07:15 PM
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I think that name is beautiful! I can't blame you for your worries. I would feel the same about the names too but would probably end up using the name if I felt strong enough about it.
We have instances in my family where family members had passed and other family memebers have used a variation of their name for new members of the family. But like mentioned maybe you're having a boy...or you could wait until after the baby is born to give the official name.
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  #15  
January 14th, 2011, 07:54 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueydmom2004 View Post
or you could wait until after the baby is born to give the official name.
That wouldn't make a difference, since the worry is that SHE will lose a baby, so deciding on the name during the pregnancy or when she's born...either way it doesn't matter. And since I got to call Cora by name before she died, I have always made sure to pick the name as quick as we could after finding out the gender so we could the same with the other kids...just in case.
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  #16  
January 14th, 2011, 08:23 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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Here's my solution. If it's a girl, give her 2 middle names. It would be something you could tell her about when she gets older and would mean that much more to her to know the story behind it.
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