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So, I've been thinking. Church went good today, they had a baby shower planned for me today, however one of the other members surprised EVERYONE that she was pregnant and due tomorrow :O -no one had a clue she was pregnant this long time- and that if she didn't go in by tomorrow she was being induced Wednesday, which is her husband's birthday. So, the church has decided to postpone the shower until next Saturday. I was supposed to pick up my sister Friday, she wanted to spend the weekend, but I ended up just battling nausea and having braxton-hicks all day so I didn't get the chance to go get her. I made arrangements to go over and hang out with her Monday so hopefully things turn out well. After church I took a nap and when I woke up and it was cool enough I went to the park and took a walk.
Now....about fifteen minutes ago I was browsing my facebook when my phone starts ringing. It's my mom calling from her cellphone. First odd thing, because she always calls me from her house phone. I answered it and at first I didn't hear her clearly I just heard her say hello. Then as she starts talking I realize that she IS DRUNK. OMG...are you serious? She just called me yesterday talking about how she wanted to get her 4 week old God-child, her 3 year old little cousin and my son for a week. I think not. Jamel isn't allowed to go down there anymore. He was allowed to spend a week down there once a month until what happened back in the winter. Jamel was SICK. I mean SICK with a fever of 103.6, he wasn't eating and hadn't been for about 3 or 4 days, and he had diarrhea. She didn't call and notify anybody of this. All she did was give him a WHOLE entire bottle of Dollar General cough syrup. Everytime I called she made it seem as if everything was all right. Just so happens I was on her side of town and just thought let me go pick him up. I get there, he's sweating to death, eyes sucken in and looking like he's about to pass out. I get him home and he perks up a little bit after I gave him some cold water. My mom was running THREE heaters in and the fireplace in JUST her LIVING ROOM. Which isn't that big. No wonder he's all sick. He was congested and just breathing horribly. We gave him a cool shower and his temp went down and he went to sleep. He ended up choking in his sleep to the point he threw up all over the place so we took him to the ER. They broke his fever again and I brought him home and gave him his bronchitis medicine because that was the only thing that could get him to STOP COUGHING. Any way after that me and Leroy decided that he couldn't go back down there because that was the SECOND time he had gotten sick and she notified NO ONE! Now that she's drinking again she's lost her mind asking me can he come down there for a week. He was 5 months old and nobody knew she had started drinking again because at that point she had stopped for 2 years. Me and Leroy were on our anniversary and she was supposed to keep him for the weekend. My sister calls me and goes... "I have Jamel." I'm confused because my sister isn't living with my mom any more at this point so I'm like. "how'd you get Jamel?" And she goes "I just happened to stop by mom's house and mom was gone and Brandy ---some girl I don't really know like that.--- had Jamel and said mom dropped him off on her, said watch him...and left drunk." *sighs* I swear I'm so tired of my mom and her drinking she just has no idea.
I have this feeling that she's going to miss the birth of her new grand-child. She almost missed Jamel's. She had left that early afternoon to go get drunk at our cousin's house, but for whatever reason she didn't and ended up back home and my sister and aunt pulled up to tell her that I was in labor. This time, she definitely will be out of luck. My mom is the type of drunk where she will embarrass me and actually TRY TO SHOW up to the delivery WASTED. I will happily have her thrown out by hospital security and that will be the end of our relationship until she really decides to honestly let that stuff go.
I am beginning to realize that I can love my mother from a distance. I don't have to be around her and her up and down lifestyle. I've tried to be there to support her, but it just stresses me out. All I can do is continue to pray for her and allow the Lord to do his work. Hopefully she realizes that she doesn't have much time left before God stops calling her to be saved. She's been hit by a car and almost killed and I can't believe that shes deciding to go back along with the HORRIBLE high blood pressure problems she has. Her father suffered TWO strokes from high blood pressure and DRINKING so much. Why follow in his footsteps.
Well. I can't save her, only God can. My only thing is to continue to pray and ask that you remember my mother in your prayers as well. Thank you all who have been praying...and I hope that you all continue to do so. Pray for me as well, I can never get enough prayer. Until next time ladies please continue to stay in the Lord in continue to be blessed.
NOOOO....lol he was like 10 days early...he was actually almost born in the last week of August. However I managed to pop him out September 1st instead of the 11th. I don't know what's going on this time around. I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever and never have this baby. =(
I had a very long day yesterday. I woke up so done and ready to go into labor that I actually broke down and started crying. I was so done yesterday. I was like "God, please do something". Eventually I got over it and I started to have slightly a better day. I took Jamel out to the park and we fed some turtles and fish, but it was too hot outside so we ended up coming RIGHT back home. We almost passed out. Both of us stripped out of our clothes immediately when we walked in the house. Water couldn't taste any better yesterday. I felt like if I would've closed my eyes I would've slept for days.
Sleep. Ugh, I slept none last night literally. I didn't fall asleep until about 4:30 this morning only to be woken up by Jamel running into the room and jumping on my stomach, so I had to roll over and get myself comfortable again. By this time it was about 6 something in the morning. Then I had to wake right back up at 8, because Leroy left for work. I was so exhausted. My eyes were so dry...felt like someone had poured sand under my eye-lids. I didn't think I would be able to get up and function for today, but luckily I feel alright. I guess my body is used to not sleeping at this point.
I have an appointment in the morning. I don't know what's going to happen at this one, hopefully I'm not pregnant too much longer after this. I'm just emotionally and mentally drained. Yesterday my husband advised that I read something called Prenatal Influence and I replied back via text message..."I'm trying to influence him to come out." He just lol'ed and replied back. "He'll come when he's ready." I tell you I honestly feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever. I don't know why I'm so ready for it to be over with this time. I tell you this experience has definitely been different from the one I had with Jamel. I think if it wasn't for the pain, inability to sleep, the nausea, and the added stress of now having a 2 year old I don't think it would be so bad.
Back to my doctor's appointment. I hope that tomorrow I get checked to see if I'm progressing any. Some people's opinion are it doesn't matter if you know how much you've dilated, and that it doesn't mean anything. Yeah, that's true it doesn't mean anything, however I'd like to know what's going on down there period. Regardless if the doctor or whoever feels like it's useful information or not. I hope that I really do get checked, because that was disappointing on my last appointment to have my hopes up so high and then get there....be put in the room and sit in there for over an hour while she was out in the hallway on her laptop and talking to some guy. Then finally she rushes in my room and slips me a yellow sheet with my information on it and says "take this to the hospital with you when you go." WHAT???? I was so angry. I didn't even want to look at anybody.
Well, I planned to go out today. I can't though. The back tire on my car is flat and the front wheel is clicking. soooooo, yeah...I won't be driving my car anytime soon I guess until Leroy figures out what's going on. I know I need CV joints or Wheel bearings...maybe even BOTH! So, tomorrow I know I have to drive his car....*rolling my eyes* I used to like that car, but it's so LOW and it's only two doors I hate getting Jamel into that car with my belly this big. I didn't think I'd get as big as I am, but obviously I've surprised myself. *sighs* well ladies, until the next report....continue to be BLESSED!
Had my appointment this morning. I saw a different doctor from the one I was expecting...YES, who was also pregnant. I got checked, yes, however I'm only 1cm. Lol...nothing to really smile over...that much was atleast expected I guess. I just wish so badly that I'd go into labor, but I have a feeling I wont be seeing it any day soon. I have an appointment next Thursday, she says they'll give me an induction date and time....??? For if I don't deliver by the 25th. I don't really want to be induced so this baby better come soon or atleast near the 25th. I'd hate to be admitted and induced with any induction meds. I'm just not up for all of that. I'd rather my body naturally go into labor.
After my appointment I left to go try to get a tire for my car and got IGNORED. The place I went to was so unprofessional. All of the workers just walked past me and continued to do what they were doing. I was there for ten minutes when I finally just got back into the car and left. I was so pissed. There wasn't a manager or an office that you could even go into to seek help. What kind of place is this??? So Leroy said that he'll go back when he gets some time this weekend. It's killing me because I really need to get out of this house. However, I have this feeling that I don't need to be driving around alone with Jamel just incase I do go into labor.
So, I get home after the tire experience and I just wanted to cry. Not about the tires, but about still being pregnant. I can't believe that I actually feel the way that I do. I don't understand why I'm so upset or why I feel like I'm at my wits end. Most women talk about how much they enjoy their pregnancy and I wanted that for myself at the beginning. However, towards the middle of my 2nd trimester I just wanted to END IT ALL. I guess it's hormonal or something. I just know that I can't take much more of it. I'm hot, uncomfortable, tired, and just THROUGH!!! I know that I'll have even more emotional challenges once Zion actually gets here, but I think I'd rather be dealing with that then being pregnant. I honestly think this is it for me. I don't think I can go for a third time. I'm entirely too finished right now to think about expanding. Everybody keeps saying to go for that little girl, but I think not. Me and the Dr. talked about birth control. I told her that I was going to go ahead and do the mini pill again, and she suggested the Paragard. I did that one time before, I didn't like it, however I know how I am with pills. So I guess I can try it ONE MORE TIME. If I have any of the same issues from before I definitely will be getting it removed once again and just let nature take over I guess...because everything else just fails. Me and combined hormones DO N O T get alone. =/ Condoms....PHAAAAAWHAAAAh yea right.
Well. Until something exciting happens. Continue to be blessed.
Today, I'm planning to finish off some light cleaning. I woke up depressed AGAIN. I'm trying my best to stay positive and not cry, but I've managed to sink into this black hole. I hate looking at pregnancy this way because I wanted it so much. However, I'm sick and TIRED of being pregnant. I just want it to be over. I feel like I'm trapped on a never ending ride to Hell. It's like "Stop the bus already, dang, if I'm not in Hell by now we OBVIOUSLY aren't going!!!" I'm not even a bit anxious anymore. I'm seriously depressed, sad, and unmotivated to do much of anything now-a-days. My husband is making light of the whole situation. He honestly feels like it isn't time anyway and that he needs to actually come AFTER his due date because that's when his vacation is scheduled. I wanted to choke the LIFE out of him last night. He was SERIOUS. Do I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO GO OVER my due date? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M ENJOYING this. NO!!! So why would you say something that STUPID to me. FORGET about your VACATION being after the 25th if I need help my mom and sister are willing to come help.
Yesterday I was walking at the park. It was about 8pm and the sun was almost completely down, a cool breeze off of a storm was coming through, and I had Maxwell's Fortunate playing in my headphones. I started thinking about how maybe I was being irrational and I just need to calm down and take these moments for what they are. However, I can't manage to change my thoughts. I dont know if it's because I feel the wear and tear of pregnancy more than I've ever felt it before, or because of my depression. I really didn't intend for this pregnancy to have such a negative impact on me. I really thought because I wanted it so bad and my husband wanted it, that it would be GREAT. However, I think it's just circumstances and different situations that we've been through throughout the course of this nine months that I'm just FINISHED and there isn't a way that I can pick up the pieces now.
Well. I don't have much more to complain about so I'll go clean my bathroom and FORCE myself to do these dishes. Everyone please continue to PRAY FOR ME! Continue to look towards the Lord and be blessed. *sighs* today is going to be a long day for me.
Definitely in a better mood today. =) Even if Jamel woke up sick. He seems to be okay now however. I woke up and just wasn't focused on going into labor to have the baby. Maybe because I was so engrossed on making sure Jamel was okay. I had fun being so close just one on one with him today and not our normal hectic routine that we have. Yes, I still am ready to deliver, but it isn't anywhere like how it was for the past week or so. So whoever has been praying for me thank you. I was feeling horrible. It was no reason for me to be feeling the way that I was feeling regardless of hormones. Satan has just been so busy in my life lately that it's been crazy.
I'm wondering if I progressed any though? It seems like all the braxton-hicks that I was having has disappeared. They used to come whenever I did ANYTHING. Now, it doesn't matter what I do, I'm not getting anything. *shrugs* Sometimes I might have one or two here and there, but nothing like I was having when I was 36 and 37 weeks pregnant. I guess being so anxious and frustrated has slowed them down in some kind of way. Hopefully something picks up for me soon. I've been worried about having to be induced because I just wont go into labor on my own this time and I'm really hoping that won't have to happen and everything happens naturally. I know that every pregnancy is different and every labor is different, so I'm not too worried about holding Zion a little longer than Jamel, but if his due date comes and goes then I'll be worried because my doctor won't let you go too far over...she's talking about inducing me two days after I miss my due date. I really don't want to have to suffer through pitocin induction. I hate that stuff and I am trying my best to avoid it, especially to be induced with it.
I talked to my mom, and she's still drinking. However, she's managed to be honest about the situation. She was trying to hide it from me at first, but now she's being open about drinking. I wasn't happy of course, but it was a step forward. I still don't know if she's going to be at the delivery or not though. Depends on if she's drinking or not that day I guess and thats just a hard thing to figure out. I don't know if shes going to be out or not.
Well, I'm going to go get myself something to eat and rest. Taking care of Jamel today now my stomach feels a little upset. =( It'll past soon though. Thank you for your prayers and please continue to do so and be blessed by the Lord. =)
Came on the board today and almost all the posts are saying "so and so is here." or "I'm in labor". *sighs* I thought last night was my night. I started having contractions around 7:30 and they didn't stop until about 2 in the morning. I was so mad when they just suddenly fizzled out of nowhere. Gosh, I just knew I was going into labor and delivery last night. Oh well, maybe it's just an impending sign that it'll be sometime soon. I'm still in a better mood than usual, just not the best mood because Jamel is acting C.R.A.Z.Y I don't know what his problem is. He's acting like a dog who has rabies, literally. He's rolling around making weird noises and slobbing all over the place. He's running around throwing things around. He's just acting a little too wild for my energy level right now. I'm so tired it feels like I can't breathe. Like me taking a breath and taking massive amounts of energy. I seriously need at least two hours of sleep right now.
I'm supposed to be cooking today so I need to take chicken out. However, I feel like just crawling in a hole and disappearing into myself. I'm tired and I don't feel like cooking. Sometimes I don't think Leroy has a clue. I just don't have the energy or the focus to cook and clean right now. I try to keep the house as decent as possible, but between him and Jamel, it's pointless to clean. I will take the chicken out though, if it gets cooked tonight, that's a different story.
Well, tomorrow I will be 39 weeks pregnant. Geesh. If I didn't know any better, if my body had it's way, and God wasn't involved I'd be pregnant until the end of time. My appointment on Thursday *sighs* it went okay I guess. I was given another pelvic exam. I was told that I was now about 2cm, 1cm more dilated than last week...yayyy! (insert sarcasm here). However, my cervix really isn't trying to thin out at all. She said that it was still pretty thick. Without much explanation or asking if I wanted it done, she gave me a membrane sweep. When I got home I was in excruciating pain. However, today I feel fine. The sweep didn't do anything I don't believe. I didn't bleed, I didn't feel crampy like most women talk about, I just had extreme hip and back pain which is now back to normal aching and tolerable unlike yesterday when I couldn't walk and spent most of the day on the couch.
All the Braxton-Hicks contractions that I was having have seemed to disappear out of NOWHERE. I barely have one now. I had sex last night, hoping that maybe I could jump start something and I got one small one at the end that didn't even last a few seconds. I don't know what's going on with my body. Whatever is going on, it's beginning to frighten me that I'll have no choice but to get induced. She already gave me the date of the 28th. I really don't want that to happen. I would rather just stay pregnant than have them induce me with artificial hormones that could cause labor to be more intense and more uncomfortable than need be. I'm trying my best to avoid as much Pitocin as possible.
Tomorrow my husband is presenting his 3rd powerpoint presentation at church. It's the Spirituality of the Law. He didn't go over it with me like he did the last presentation, so I'll have to definitely get into it tomorrow at church. From what I saw him working on the other night it looked pretty interesting. Hopefully after tomorrow things for me will pick back up. My mom is like wait until after Father's day and I'm like I'm tired of everyone telling me to wait...or be patient. Neither one help me to feel any less stressed or exhausted so I wish they just keep their comments to themselves. Even though I'm looking forward to clearing my mind and heart at church tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to all the "Are you still pregnant"? comments and "Omg, you look ready to pop." Yea, pop you right in the throat. *sighs* I feel so angry all the time now. Who knew the end of pregnancy could be so grueling?
I talked with my mom yesterday. She told me that she may not be able to attend the birth of Zion. She doesn't have any transportation and since she's on fixed income she doesn't have any money to spare to pay someone to bring her up there. So, I really don't know how that's going to turn out. I'm trying my best to just pray about the situation and learn to quickly accept the fact that she really may not be there. Even if she never had started drinking again...she most likely would've had the same issue with not being able to make it because of transportation issues. Hopefully, my uncle who stays not even 3mins. away from her will be nice enough to do it. She does so many favors for him and his kids. So hopefully he will see this as a way to repay her. I don't know. I'm trying not to focus on it as I have so many other issues going on at this moment. Maybe if I could just calm my nerves I can get the process of Labor back started.
I have no idea what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. It's 2:32pm here and normally Leroy would be home in an hour, but as I've said before they added a few hours to his Fridays so he'll be here a little later around 5 or close to six. Until then, I guess I'll just sit here...it's things to do, but I'm just not in the mind set to do it. And Jamel, I just wish he would give me a BREAK. He is acting like a crazy ANIMAL. I seriously can't take it!!!!
Well...until I have something more to comment on, you ladies continue to keep me in your prayers...and continue to seek after the Lord and be blessed.
So, I had some contractions pretty much all day yesterday and last night. Woke up this morning had a few, but now they're all gone. So, i really have no clue when things are going to get started. I was hopping maybe this weekend, but it looks like I'll be pregnant a few more days. I'm really ready to just get this thing over with. I'm tired of getting excited from having contractions that just fizzle out. I have NO IDEA what that's about. Another annoying thing is Zion will NOT STOP MOVING. I really thought at this stage movement would have slowed down. Not for him. I get fingers in my bladder, toes in my ribs. Punches in my navel. All kinds of things. He's rolling around right now he has my stomach all lop sided. I'm ready for him to come out so that he can wiggle around like that in his own space and not mine. He's been pretty much extra active last three days or so.
In other notes. I woke up feeling pretty good. Cleaned up and started getting ready to go to my mom's house for this father's day dinner she's throwing when out of nowhere Leroy tells me that he's going somewhere else O_o. Are you serious? He pisses me off with his last minute plans. So now I'm standing there dumbfounded everyone is texting me asking me what time am I coming and now I'm cancelling. My mom stays to far for me to drive by myself and Leroy is going to be over an hour away even if I do go to my mom's house without him. So everyone is saying that I'm being irrational and to just go. But, I'm not driving at this point alone. So I feel like this will be the one day I go against my mind and something ends up happening. So, it's either I go with him or I stay home. =(. I really don't want to go with him, but I don't want to stay home either. We were invited to our Elder's house. I have no problem with them, but I'd just rather go to my mom's house. It's awkward hanging out with them outside of church. However, we're supposed to be learning to compromise and spend more time with each other and as a family so it looks like I'm going. *sighs*
Enough complaining. Other than the abrupt change in my plans that I had for OVER 2 WEEKS now, I'm actually in a good mood. Not really PRESSED like I was before. Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to have this baby, but not exactly plotting my own c-section anymore. lol!!!
Well, I have to finish getting ready to leave. I will be back to report if there are any changes to report. Until I am back....continue to pray and be blessed!!!
I woke up this morning and the first couple of thoughts I had were..."Lord, please send me into Labor." Eventually, I got tired of hearing my own complaining and decided to just get up and go for a walk to clear my mind. I got dressed and decided to just take a power walk down my back road onto the back street that's a little neighborhood. I didn't think I was going to make it through the walk. The Braxton-Hicks kicked in and became so intense I thought I was going to have to stop walking. I couldn't though, I just sped up in hopes that I'd get back home quicker...lol. I walked a good way through the neighborhood and then turned around and sped up even more. A guy was outside starting up his truck and I know he was looking at me like...is that pregnant woman sprinting??? LOL. I was really trying to get back home...I was in pain. I got back to the house successfully and fixed myself some cheese grits. Now I'm sitting on the couch, braxton-hicks free and pain free. =( lol.
I'm thinking of putting Jamel in the car, riding to the park, and taking a lap or two around the track.
Well, the Father's day dinner turned out OKAY. I really wish I was at my mom's house though. It wasn't really anybody there. Leroy made it seem like it was going to be this big event. There wasn't really any food. I don't think they were really expecting anybody to show up in all honesty, it seemed like an intimate dinner for the elder and his wife. I just felt awkward being there. Of course Leroy enjoyed it though.
I don't have much planned for today, it's nothing much to really do besides cook and I don't have to do that until later. I'm not really driving anywhere...so I guess I'll be in the house. I do want to go to the park, but I don't want to start up something and can't drive back home. Well, I guess I'm going to finish watching some of this Hoarders marathon. I can't see how people LIVE LIKE THIS...it's like a thousand cats...some are laying around dead....it's feces all over the floor, nasty build up in the bathroom clogging the sinks. My skin is crawling...ugh!
Well, as I wait for labor to come...I think I'm going to finish reading in the book of Matthew today. I'm having the urge to read the Word so I will. As for everyone else I just say continue to pray and seek after the Lord and be blessed!
Love your journal entries lately Did you get your baby's room all done? You have your bag(s) packed for the hospital? Just 3 days til your due date My prayers with you. Sending Labor vibes & easy delivery and the strength for you to get through it. :d ust: