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Ladies, I've decided to start a brand-new Journal. I just feel like starting fresh and starting new. Lately I've been a little stressed out and I just didn't feel like writing anymore. Now that I'm a little less stressed and some of my circumstances have changed, I can now come back and write.
Tonight starts my Saturday night, which means it's my Sabbath. However, I won't be attending my church tomorrow, but my mom's church. My uncle died and I'm going to his funeral. I want to go to church, but then I won't make it to my mom's house on time. I had a brief moment of the beginning of this journey (which is nearly over) where I thought that I'd never get pregnant again. I realized that the internet and the message boards can be your best and worst friend. All I saw was gloom and doom about how women were trying for months and months, maybe even years and S T I L L not turning up pregnant. Trying all these different remedies and going chart crazy. I even jumped on the charting band wagon until I realized just how crazy it made me. Sex became a scheduled event and I couldn't go to the bathroom without looking for textbook EWCM. After a while of trying that and not succeeding I H A D to laugh at myself. I remembered that I wasn't in control of A N Y T H I N G. So I went to the GOD that is. I prayed everyday...and when I say EVERYDAY and almost every minute of it about getting pregnant. I did. I fasted and even made a promise with God. Then one night I cried and told God. I can't go on like this, with this heavy feeling of void. I'm loosing my sanity, my health, and my ability to function in life. I NEED for this to happen or for you to take away this deep want. After that...literally maybe a couple of days later...I got my positive pregnancy test. I was stressed for no obvious reason. I just needed to let God do what he needed to do.
I have so many different feelings and fears. I'm happy, I'm frustrated, I'm definitely scared. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to handle my first son, a new baby, my house and my husband all at once. I suffer from depression so, I just pray that when Zion gets here I'll somehow with the help of the Lord pull myself together. When Jamel first came home, I broke down and ended up calling my mother to come and help me. I was so helpless...I just didn't know how to function. It wasn't me not knowing what I was doing because I was a first time mother...just something about the situation was overwhelming. It felt like I just needed to be a lone and catch a breath and come in to reality that my son wasn't inside of me anymore but now in my arms and he needed me for every little thing to survive. Sometimes I sit and think..."Wow, it's really going to be another little person in this house." Most of the time I'm excited. Some of the time I'm like..."Aww man, what did I ask for? What have I gotten myself into???" I'm so used to it just being the three of us. However, I wouldn't send my baby back no matter what. It's just the fear of being able to function and hold all of this together. I pray about it every now and then. I need to pray about it more.
Finally I'm in my third trimester. Awwwww (deep sigh) couldn't be happier. I'm glad that it's almost over. I'm definitely getting to that uncomfortable point. My back hurts, ligament pains in my hips and legs, and not being able to sleep at night are no longer fun. I went grocery shopping the other morning and was in so much pain when it was over....it felt like my son was going to drop right out of me onto the kitchen floor. My spine at times feels like it's being crushed, but it's all for the love of the baby. Not much longer and I'll be holding him in my arms. I haven't done much shopping. Just bought his crib and a few outfits...nothing to really buy. We have all of Jamel's old things. I'm mostly just focused on getting my nursing supplies...that wont be until later though.
On the 7th of this month. I go for the results of my glucose test and my blood work. I pray, pray and PRAY that everything comes back normal and good. I'm never really worried and I'm always sure that everything is okay, but you never know. Just because everything SEEMS fine, doesn't always mean that things are.
Well, time to go and cuddle up under Leroy and rest from the looooong day I've had. Until the next time everyone please continue to be blessed!
This morning, I woke up, and realized I had an 'itch' down there. (sighs) I think it's the beginning of a yeast infection. I wanted to call my doctor, but knowing them since I have an appointment Thursday they'll make me wait it out. I had a yeast infection at the very beginning of this pregnancy and it was H O R R I B L E. I couldn't sit still because of how bad it was. I was glad when it was over.
Enough about YIs nobody wants to read about that all day. So, Leroy was off today and him and Jamel went out this morning to go look for some outfits for the baby while I stayed home and folded up laundry. They came home empty handed. lol. Leave it up to my husband and my son. Leroy claims that he couldn't find anything that he liked at the store he went to. I already told him that nothing was in there when I went a few days back. He's hard headed and he doesn't listen, I guess he just had to go see for himself. Maybe we'll go out together sometime this week.
This morning I had it on the OWN channel and I was watching Deliver Me. I want to just go ahead and have my baby sooooo bad. I swear it feels like I've been pregnant for ages. All of my friends keep telling me that time is flying by and it seems like last week I was calling them to tell them I was pregnant. Well, for some reason it doesn't feel that way for me. I don't even remember what I did to pass the time away when I was pregnant with Jamel. I thought time would really fly by this time because I had Jamel to occupy my days...but for some reason it seems like time is running away from me instead of passing me by like it should. I wonder why when time gets down to the third trimester you start watching the clock and counting the days. Me, I'm just uncomfortable and just plain tired. I wasn't in as much ligament pain with Jamel. But, this pregnancy I can only walk for about 2 or 3 minutes before my lower back, hips, and legs start hurting. Once I sat down and the soles of my feet started to BURN. They turned red and my toes swell up and my feet just BURNED. It only happened twice and that was in the beginning but it was crazy nonetheless.
Since time is getting closer and things are winding down I've been thinking about who I want in the delivery room this time. There were so many people the last time who came to sit with us there was barely any sitting room. I really don't want all of that this time. Then as soon as he came out everyone rushed back into the room and Jamel was taken from me and bounced around everywhere. DEFINITELY don't want that this time either. So I'm thinking of only letting a few people come like my mom and my sister. Then just me and Leroy during delivery. I don't feel like all of that frustration and agruvation. My mom is suggesting we let Leroy's mom sit in during the delivery...however it's my decision and besides she's not coming even if I offered...she's paralyzed and she just wouldn't be able to make it. I told my mom that and she's suggesting my oldest sister in law. I don't feel comfortable with that. My mom is all like, she doesn't want it to make it look like she's hogging up everything. (insert roll eye action here) ITS MY CHOICE at the end of the day and I don't want or need anything to aggruvate me. Whatever and WHOEVER it's going to be I'll definitely have it all worked out by the time JUNE 1st gets here. =)
Well, I don't really have much else to say. Until the next entry, everyone continue to be blessed! =)
~*Mommy To Zion 6.23.11 & Jamel 9.1.08*~
My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.
Last edited by *Mrs.ToyaJae*; April 4th, 2011 at 02:16 PM.
I was supposed to add yesterday, but Jamel woke up throwing up. He's better today though. =)
I'll start off with my appointment Thursday. I went in with high hopes just knowing that I passed my glucose test...only to be told that I was borderline and I needed to come back for the three hour test. The only problem that I have with that is, the doctor that I saw was not my regular doctor because she was caught up at the hospital on delivery so I couldn't talk to her. My appointment for the retest is scheduled for this coming Thursday on the 14th and she'll be in then. I definitely will be having a talk with her...if the cut off number is 140 and I scored a 135 is it really necessary that I sit there for three hours??? I don't have a babysitter and my son is NOT going to go for that. Not to say I just don't feel like sitting there for three hours and I didn't even FAIL the test technically. So I'm upset about that and waiting until my next appointment so that I can talk to her about it.
Besides that news at the doctor, I've been sitting around thinking, suddenly someone has hit the fast-forward button. I know on the last entry I was complaining about how slow time was going by, but somehow it's suddenly been whizzing by. Ever since my uncle's funeral time has been flying by. I'm literally confused on my days now. I'll sit around a whole day thinking it's Wednesday and it's actually FRIDAY!!!! Maybe it's just the worst pregnancy brain ever.
So far on the rest of my to do list I need to unpack all of Jamel's old clothes, get them washed, clean out the baby's closet and put things away neatly. I don't want to wait until the last minute this time. I literally waited with Jamel to put his things away and as soon as I did I started having contractions and was on the way to the hospital. I was like wow...what would've happened if I would've listened to my other mind and went to lay down? All of his things would have been out of order and all over the place. I definitely don't want that to happen again so I'm going to put things away ahead of time so that I don't have to worry about it.
I just still can not believe that I'm about to have another baby. =) I can't wait until he gets here. To see his face, hold his hand, and sniff his new baby scent...lol. I love the way new babies smell. They smell so GOOD!!!
Braxton Hicks are definitely starting to kick in. (rolling eyes) They woke me up out of my sleep the other night and I couldn't go back. I hope that whenever I do go into real labor it's similar to what I had with Jamel. I experienced NO PAIN at all. It was all just tightening and pressure. I sooooooooo do not want to have to lose my mind and opt for and epidural. Thats just something that I don't want to do. I'm not afraid of needles...but not being able to see myself get stuck is what's bothering me and I just don't even want to hassle with trying to sit there while they insert it....worrying if it's been inserted right and I dont want to jump so hard to the point that I mess it all up. So, I'm not doing that. I'll take meds by IV but thats about it. So I just pray that I'm not in total agony and I find good ways to manage pain naturally. Whewwww!!! This is definitely going to be some type of experience. =)
So, I need to get my day started. I've been lounging around all morning. Jamel and Leroy just ran off to the store so I'm going to go straighten up the mess that was created yesterday night and hopefully have a good Sunday. Everyone continue to be Blessed in the Lord.
Well, my appointment gave me no answers. She told me that she was just as concerned as the doctor who seen me when she was out and that it was best I did take the 3hr test. Some how they ended up giving me the hour test over in a mix up. (grunting) However, she says if this hour test comes back normal she'll just take it as I don't have GD and I won't have to take the 3hr test. If I fail this test or this test is borderline as well she said I HAVE to take the three hour test. I'm so sick and tired of that orange drink. I've been praying non-stop "Lord Please let this test come back normal." I really don't want to have to take that three hour test. I mean, it probably won't be that bad, but at this point I'm really fed up with drinking that drink. My husband says that I need to fast and pray and I have yet to do it. I'm just scared that I'll fail this test and the three hour test and be diagnosed with GD. =(
My younger sister came to stay with me from Monday until Thursday when I took her home. She started a garden out in the front yard for me. That cheered me up and took my mind off of all the stress I've been allowing myself to become a part of between this constant GD testing and all the family drama that has surfaced within the past two weeks or so. She said it would take my mind off of things, at first I didn't believe her, but somehow the fresh smell of dirt did something to me. lol I couldn't stop sniffing it. It was so weird. I NEVER liked the smell of dirt before. This must have something weird to do with this pregnancy because I felt like going and getting a handful of fresh dirt and just INHALING deeply. *sighs* Just the thought of it now makes me want to go do it...=) but I won't. lol
We were invited to two different cookouts today. One by our sister church and one by some friends. I'm opting to go to the one thats being thrown by our friends. Only because it's across the street from where we live next to the lake and I don't feel like riding to the other side of town today. I'm just tired. I slept well last night and the night before so I have no idea why I'm so tired.
I'm so happy to be 30 weeks. Gosh, my due date doesn't seem so far away now. I'm so ready to hold my little man in my arms, and of course get him out of my body which he has completely taken over. Kicking, punching, and rolling. I just can't take it anymore. I thought I was going to get past the upper back pain this time, but I guess not because it started at church yesterday. I was sitting for so long. I wanted to just lay down, but that would've been so rude. My husband already thought I wasn't paying attention to his presentation on the Sanctuary, but I was...I explained to him afterward that I was just trying to ease the pain in my back. I was fidgeting around so much I know everyone was probably wondering what was wrong with me.
I haven't got around to cleaning out the rest of Jamel's old clothes and I haven't even looked in that closet to clean it out for Zion yet. I'm being lazy and it's really not time to be lazy anymore. I need to muster up the energy and just do it. I'd ask Jamel to help me, but we all know what it's like to get help from a two year old. I can just imagine it all now. Clothes all over the place. Well ladies, I don't have much more to say, until the next entry ya'll continue to be BLESSED in the LORD.
I am just really excited this is almost over. =) Gosh you guys. I feel like doing summersaults. LOL. I honestly never counted down the minutes and days like I am now. Time definitely has sped up but not enough. I need to pick up a hobby that will take my mind off of it. *sighs* What will that be???
I have my appointment tomorrow to figure out whether or not I have to take that three hour test or not. Hopefully the Lord answers my prayers and I don't have to take it. I know that if I do, I'll most likely past it, it's just the point of having to take that Glucola for the THIRD time. Who want's to keep drinking that drink? Nobody in their right mind.
Well, I haven't been around a lot. I had some family drama this past weekend and I just wasn't in my right mind to be on here to make an entry. Evil has really been trying to take over my household and I'm not willing to let that happen, so I've been battling things all weekend. But with the help of church family things have smoothed out a bit and me and DH are taking things one day at a time. If it weren't for the members at my church I don't know what I would do. =(
I did actually get around to going through all of Jamel's old clothes. I tell you I don't need any blankets, wash clothes, onsies, sleepers...if I see one more Onsie I'm going to flip. I had no idea I saved that many and it's crazy because I gave a trash bag full of onsies away last year...goodness! I do need a few more things clothing wise, but other than that everything is handled except for my breast feeding supplies and the carseat. I can't believe that time is really winding down the way that it is now. Before I know it Zion will be in my arms and not in my belly taking over!!!
I never had this much activity with Jamel. Jamel was a puncher and a kicker. This one just rolls around ALL DAY. When I say ALL DAY I mean...I'm not sure if he ever goes to sleep. If he does he has to be a crazy crazy crazy sleeper because I feel him non stop. There is never a period of him just laying still. If he does lay still I know that I quick jab is coming behind it.
I have picked up reading. The two books that I checked out from the library...they're alright, I'm almost done with the second one so I'm probably going to finish it off tonight take it back tomorrow after the appointment and check out some different books. I don't know what I want to read next, but definitely no love novels. I'm tired of love stories. They all seem the same...no one is being creative anymore. I hate reading something thats so predictable it's like I wrote it myself.I'm thinking about beginning to knit again. Im not so sure about that. I do want to learn how to crochet...maybe I can pick that up. Yeahhh, I'll go buy some supplies and get to work on that. I know that will help me to past the time away.
Well, I'm off to put the laptop battery on charge fix myself something to eat and relax while Jamel takes himself a quick nap!!! You all be blessed!
a quick update. I went to my appointment today and I passed it!!! Ha! So my fasting and prayer worked. Thank the Lord is all I can say. That test was stressing me out. I'm glad that I didn't have to take the three hour over. I passed the second one hour. I knew that lady gave me the wrong information telling me that I could eat before I took the test. I don't remember eating with the hour. I know some doctors say it's okay. I think that's what's causing most people to fail it too.
However, while I was there and she was measuring my stomach I started to have a braxton hicks contraction. She told me if I have four or more in an hour thats too many and to get to the hospital...hmmm I always have more than four in an hour. I just took her suggestion to drink some water and lay down and so far and I haven't had anymore so...Maybe that could be the answer. I'll make sure to keep an eye on it because I drink a lot of fluids during the day so I don't know why I have so many braxton hicks...
Well, if anything happens before the weekend I'll be back to report. Until then continue to be blessed!
Nothing new to report so I won't make an entry. Just stopped by to let you guys know that I haven't forgot about you. Today I made a list of the last few things we need before the baby comes and I'm glad it's a small one. Most of it is really just my breast feeding supplies. Everything else "I JUST WANT IT." lol well, hopefully we are going to start cleaning out the closet taking down all those books and old boxes of paperwork from my husband's old job so that I can put those clothes away. Because I finally sorted those out. Also we need to set up the crib and arrange the room how we'd like to have it. Other than that everything is pretty much just a waiting game. Awww, don't we love the waiting game???
I was going to update last night, but I couldn't. I was just so upset. And I really don't feel up to it today. My mom has been calling and stressing me out with this new relationship she's in right. She met him about a month and a half ago or two months ago. He's been lying from day one about how he's a christian and looking for a serious relationship he wants to settle down. However, come to find out he's been in and out of jail since he was an adolescent he just recently got out of jail earlier this year from doing four years for snatching some woman's purse. My mom says he printed out his wrap sheet and it's over SIXTY pages long. I'm thinking she's smart enough to leave after that but NO! My mom is a recovering alcoholic and he drinks so of course it triggered her habit and now shes drinking again. My mom was in a horrible accident about six years ago and had both of her legs broken....she has pins and plates all through her legs. Yet she wants to drink again after being hit by a car from walking in the night drunk. I just don't understand. Anyway...the guy has said all kinds of disrespectful things to her and also has threatened to hit her. He is very controlling and already has moved in with her. He doesn't have a job, don't see how he'll get one....he doesn't have a car and all he wants is for my mom to take care of him like a child. Yesterday morning I turn on my phone and have a voicemail with him saying him and my mom were at the hospital stranded to come pick them up they have no gas money but they'll figure something out. Before I can listen to the rest of the message I hung up and went on to visit my sister's church yesterday. WHile I'm there he calls my phone again but I didn't hear the phone ringing. Even if I did I wasn't going to answer it. So, later on that day I get a phone call from my mom telling me happy mother's day. I'm pissed at this point so I grunt...yea same to you so what happened how'd u get home? She's like what?! I just woke up I'm in my bed I didn't go anywhere. So I told her about what he called and said and she laughed. She told me he had gotten beaten up the night before and went to the hospital and she went home. Now how he got my phone number nobody knows. Why would he call me lying saying that him and my MOM BOTH were stranded. Yeah, your already on my S*** list and you really want to call me with lies???? So anyway I hung up with her and continued to hang out with my husband, son and sister. Later on that night around ten something my mom calls me sounding all upset. I'm like what now?? Shes like she took a pregnancy test and it came back faintly positive. I was too through, I wanted to through my phone out the window. But I just listened to her rant and rave about how she was going to get an abortion if the test was true. When I hung up the phone I was so upset I couldn't even go to sleep. My mom has been so irresponsible over the past few years. Why are you sleeping with this idiot with no condom anyway??? Why are you that IRRESPONSIBLE and now your mad because of the consequences...she says shes going to the doctor for confirmation. I just pray that this situation close quickly. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do. She calls me almost EVERYday with something new...but this one just took the cake. *sighs* so I'll be back when things slow down a bit.
I thought about you yesterday. How have you been? I stopped writing once again. I've just been emotionally drained. However, my mom's situation turned out for the good and she's not pregnant neither is she still talking to that guy she met so I'm over that. I think just the final weeks of being pregnant are starting to come down on me. We've set up the baby's room. All I need to do now is wash his clothes since it's finally situated back there. I have to also pack a bag for me and Jamel. I don't know why I haven't already but I just don't know what I want to take. I had an appointment on Thursday which was the 26th and it completely pissed me off. I was supposed to be getting checked for dialation and all. However, I arrived fifteen minutes before my appointment was due and got called back early all to sit in a room for a little over an hour. I heard my doctor out in the hallway the entire hour laughing and talking with her nurses and browsing the internet on her computer and talking to some guy about his 96` whatever kind of car he drives. It was so annoying. Then she comes into the room and hands me a slip of paper with all of my info on it and tells me "If you need to go to the L&D, take this with you so that they'll have it." I wanted to POKE her eyeballs out. I sat back there for an hour for that? I was too pissed. Ontop of that I started having these intense braxton hicks contractions later that afternoon that would NOT stop no matter what I did. Everytime I MOVED I had one. So I had to lay perfectly still. FInally I fell asleep. I haven't had many today, because I've been sitting and laying around, but everytime I get up they start. My mom and everybody else is wondering why that lady didn't check me and is saying I may need to go to the hospital. I really don't want to go because I hate hospitals but if push comes to shove I'm going to have to go tonight when my husband gets here. He's probably going to be mad because he's on his way to the hospital now to see his mom. She was sent there with a fever of 106.2 =O and when she got there her heart rate was up intirely too high. So they've been giving her some type of shot to slow it down but it's still racing. Also they realized that her blood levels were low so they gave her a transfusion. SHe called the other night and said she was weak and nauseous and that she was getting some type of test done because she's obviously bleeding internally. She was paralyzed back in 2000. Her car flipped and she broke her neck. So she has a colosphamy (sp??) bag and a catheter and blood is running into both of those. *sighs* so the doctors are supposed to be giving her some type of GI surgery today. I'm just all types of stressed out emotionally right now. I don't have time to even write anymore. I know I came back with a good attitude and refreshed, but I haven't been able to fully enjoy this pregnancy at all. I'm also ready for it to be done. I can't take anymore. I'm tired of not being able to breath, not being able to walk, and definitely tired of my depression. Hopefully I'll be in good spirits again and I'll be able to come back before I deliver, but if not I will continue to follow the Lord and pray that everyone here continue to be blessed.
So I'm sitting up here reading all these birth stories. I just can't wait until I meet Zion face to face. *sighs* I don't know why I'm so nervous for L&D. I guess I'm worried that I won't be able to manage pain, I'm TOTALLY not getting an EPI so, I don't know. I didn't have anything with my son, but I have a sure feeling that this labor is going to be different. I'm just worried that I won't be able to handle the pain. I have been praying since this beginning of this pregnancy that the Lord bless me with the ability to deal, because I hate MEDS and I HATE the side effects they offer. So I'm going to try to go as natural as possible. But if need be I will opt to get something in my IV. But I'm definitely not going to be getting that EPI. Nobody is sticking me in my back with anything and I don't want to deal with the after effects seeing that I already have back issues and the things that I hear multiple ladies complain about after receiving one, I know that getting it isn't an option for me. I've seen and heard more horror stories about it than good ones so I'm leaving it up to God to help me manage in the most natural way possible. Today at Church I was sitting there trying to listen to the song service but I was having BH sooooo bad. They actually were painful this time. It may have been how I was sitting too. I was so uncomfortable in that chair, but once one of the ladies there found me a pillow to recline back on everything got much better and I was able to pay attention. Zion is still moving around a lot, however it does feel like he's changed positions. I'm hoping that he's head down. Anyway, I'm hungry so I'm going to go now. You ladies continue to be BLESSED!
I just looked at my join date and its June 2010 and this year June I get to have my baby. =) I can't believe it. I thought I was going to spend an eternity over in the TTC board, but I was WRONG. I'm so glad to blessed so graciously by the Lord.
So, my family was invited to a housewarming party. Yesterday was a good day between me and DH. Normally over the weekend we're bumping heads or just not getting along. Today started off rocky because for whatever reason Jamel woke up and was whining non-stop. He's been really sensitive lately. I think he knows that it's getting closer to the time Zion comes home. Ever since he's seen the crib set up in the baby room he's been acting crazy. Well, anyway...we were at the housewarming party playing games and eating good food when suddenly my phone starts to vibrate. I look and it's my mom's number. I'm thinking that maybe she's just calling to talk as usual when she gets out of church. Noooooo, it's my aunt when I answer. So I'm like okay???? My aunt is all whispering asking me where I am and if I'm around a bunch of people and I kinda laugh and go "Yeah, I just told you I was at a party a BUNCH of people are around." Then I go..."Why?" And she's like well, your mom went to jail last night and she needs someone to come pick her up. I wanted to hang up the phone. First of all, I was nowhere NEAR her side of town and I would have to do a lot of driving to go get here, take her home and then go back to my house. I was like uhm...well I'm out with my family she'll just have to sit there or find another way home. And my aunt hangs up. I was just too done. I'm sick and tired of my mom. Honestly I just don't know what to say. She was doing so well, but like always, she just returns back to her old ways. She wants to keep Jamel for an entire week next month and I'm like NO you're irresponsible you're not about to get my son for a whole week. At first it was because she doesn't respect the rules I give her about him with his eating habits. Jamel will eat until he's sick. My mom thinks thats cute, but it's NOT. He's not hungry but she think it's healthy to let a child eat like that. People are already mistaking him for being older than he is because of his size. I'm trying to save him from health problems and it's like she doesn't care. Then she has random people in and out of her house and most of them are sex offenders or alcoholics and drug addicts so that's another reason. Also in the dead of this heat she has NO air conditioning. I'm not sending my son down there like that. THen she just topped it off with getting herself back into trouble going to jail. I'm like you're 43 years old GET IT TOGETHER!!! *sighs* She frustrates me. When she calls me she is definitely going to get an honest piece of my mind. I don't want to be bothered with anymore of her drama it's entirely too much and it's enabling me from living a good life. I'm always stressed and burdened down worrying about her. My sister is telling me to pray for her and I do. I pray all the time, but I still have human emotions and the best thing for me to do is to take myself away from her and her problems until she gets herself together because she's really getting next to me. *deep breath* Well other than that today was a good day. I hope that everyone enjoys the rest of today and Tomorrow Happy Early Memorial Day!!!
I'm laying here in my bed trying to think of what to pack in my bag. It's so frustrating. I have no idea what I want to take. I know my laptop is coming, and an outfit for the baby.....however I can't figure out what I WANT TO WEAR up at the hospital. I know I don't want to be walking around in that hospital gown the whole time again. I said that I was going to crack the whip and pack my bag tonight, however I've moved it until in the morning. =p I need to just do it now and stop procrastinating. I know that time is getting closer and closer and as excited as I am for it to be over, it's becoming a bitter sweet moment. I'm going to miss the kicks and the rolling around. I want him here and to look at him and finally meet him face to face. At the same time, I am not ready to go back to fixing bottles in the middle of the morning, incessant newborn crying, changing diapers, hauling the carseat in and and out of the car. I just don't even want to think about the BREASTFEEDING part. I know that my mind will change and I'll adjust when all that really begins to take affect. Hopefully, I don't become as depressed as I did when I first gave birth to Jamel. I could NOT deal with life. I was on the phone crying to everyone, my mom had to come up to my house and stay with me until I got it together. Luckily it didn't last long, but the few days that it did felt like an eternity. Well, my dryer just stopped so I guess I'll just go ahead and atleast THINK of what I want to take up there so that I'll finally have an idea instead of just sitting around wishing that my bag is magically packed. Until another update you ladies be blessed.
So, I went out today and got the rest of the baby things. =) So excited. All that's left to do is wait I guess. I packed my bag last night. I'm literally just anxiously waiting praying that the Lord doesn't let me wait for too much longer. On a good note, I slept EXCELLENTLY last night. I only woke up once to go to the bathroom. I think it had something to do with switching sides with DH in the bed and the way I had my pillows propped up last night. When I opened my eyes the second time and it was morning I was like "Seriously"? I'm not even restlessly tired today so prayer does work. Because I asked the Lord to please let me get atleast ONE good nights sleep. The other great thing was Jamel stayed in his room the ENTIRE night last night. He's been having some nightmares so he's been crowding us in the bed, but NOT LAST NIGHT. I was so happy when I woke up this morning. Once the baby is born I probably wont get sleep like that again for a long time. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go pick up my sister. She wants to come spend the weekend with us and go to church with her on Saturday so, that's good. And I won't be lonely all day tomorrow while Leroy is at work. He did get off early on Fridays coming home at 3:30 because of the Sabbath he has to be home before night fall from work...but I guess because the days are so long now he has to stay until 5. Not that big of a difference, but I definitely miss him walking in the house around 3:30. My mom, I haven't spoke to her in about a week maybe. Her phones are turned off so I went down there yesterday to check on her and she wasn't even there. My grand-father tells me that she left earlier before I got there and she hasn't been home in two days because she was out drinking again. *sighs* all I could do was mope back to my car and sulk all the way home. About 30min after I got home I get a phone call it's my mom half-sober or hungover calling from her friends house trying to talk to me like I had no idea she was drinking. She was like I love you and I hung up the phone on her. She called back and I sent her to voicemail. I know it probably wasn't the right way to handle the situation but I was just to angry to talk to her. Well, off of all of that. Later on I may take a walk around the neighborhood. Hopefully I'm not too tired. Well, until the next entry...all you ladies continue to be BLESSED!