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The "was it planned?" question

Forum: 2011 Playroom


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April 27th, 2011, 11:25 AM
NannyJen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 2,151
I haven't been asked that yet. Most people I know think I'll be a great mother so they've all jumped to the congrats. Even if it was asked, I don't think I'd be too offended. I guess just because I've wanted this for so long that I just don't care what others think. The worst thing I've had asked was "when are you going to start having babies? You're almost 27, don't you think it's time to start trying?"....this is usually from the people that have no clue I have issues with fertility and I've BEEN trying for almost a year with all kinds of medications and dr visits and numerous heartbreaking bfns....lol. But it's ok now, because yes, I'm pregnant and yes, it WAS on purpose!

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April 27th, 2011, 11:32 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,392
I was asked that question several times with my first (I was 41 so I know people were curious)...LOL...I'm just not the type of person who takes offense by silly questions...I think some people just speak before they think...and others just don't realize that their questions may come across wrong...I don't think their intent was to offend me...so I don't let it.

Life is way to short to let silly comments get to me...I'd rather focus on the good things going on in my life and appreciate the wonderful family and friends I have around (even those that don't always say the smartest things ) I'm sure I'll be asked that question again this time around...along with many other inappropriate ones...and they always give DH and I something to laugh about...

Thank you KimberlyD0 for my wonderful siggy!!!

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April 27th, 2011, 11:46 AM
ShelleyB80's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,968
Not really, because everyone knew we were either done, or going to wait another couple of years. So right off the bat, we said we had a contraceptive failure!
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April 27th, 2011, 12:14 PM
cavewoman's Avatar #2 due in June!
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14,898
Don't get me wrong, everyone congratulated and seemed excited but the was it planned question seems to have come first every time. We had one family member actually say to DH "are you joking?" like.. thought he was kidding when he told them I was pregnant. LIKE REALLY!? I mean, I guess DH's tone wasn't that of excitement or something.. he called at a bad time and was really exhausted but still.. like, why would you think it was a joke? lol

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April 27th, 2011, 12:41 PM
Momsince06's Avatar Mommy Since 2006
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,317
ive gotten it from my mom and dhs mom.

We told them the truth. Yes and No it wasnt planned. Yes we had planned to try to get pregnant but after 21 months of trying and not getting pregnant and being told I had no chance of ever getting pregnant again.. no it wasnt planned. so it is more of a hgue surprise it happened. And yes i get offended, but Im sure there will be more things in my pregnancy that will be said and I will get more upset over.

******Thank you Julka for my beautiful siggy******

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April 27th, 2011, 01:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Southeastern US
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So far the only people who know are also people who knew we were trying...they even knew when I was planning to take a test! Definitely haven't gotten that question from them . Our families know we were trying but they don't know we have been successful yet! We will tell them at the end of next month. I doubt we'll get that question. But I think that question would annoy me. I'm sure we'll get it one day- we want 4 kids so I'm sure when we are on #3 and #4 we will start to get more questions.
Mom to Luke, born June 2009, and Brady, born December 2011!

Expecting Baby #3, due September 9, 2014!

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April 27th, 2011, 02:33 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 533
This wasn't planned at all. We weren't supposed to be able to have any more kids. Medical reasons. Anyway, when people ask me that, I just counter with "We were told it wasn't possible. This is our miracle baby." People usually respond well to that one.

Author, WAHM, wife to Nick and mommy to Alyse (8) and Hunter (1)!

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April 27th, 2011, 02:47 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 10,208
We have not told 99% of people yet, so we have not heard that question. I would not take offence to it all though.

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April 27th, 2011, 03:48 PM
~Momma*2011~'s Avatar I love my little girl!!
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,767
Only 5 people know about my pregnancy so I haven't been asked that yet...
Jacky - Mommy to Caylyn (12/17/11) and Carter (10/8/13)

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April 27th, 2011, 04:48 PM
Hoping for baby #2
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,134
I think everyone kinda assumed it was unplanned for me because who in there right mind would want to be a mom at 24 while working on a double major in chemistry and psychology. I get the question who is the father a lot which frankly ticks me off. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and have a very strong and healthy relationship but since I don't tell every intricate detail of all my relationships to people they assumed that I have been single the last 24 years of my life.
The fact of the matter is it was planned maybe not by you but planned regardless. As far as having a baby when you 20 you should look at them and say We are ready but not prepared but in 9 months we will be
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April 27th, 2011, 04:56 PM
Posts: n/a
I wont get asked if it was planned but i do get asked if i took meds. it doesnt offend me though because they know it took my 14 years of fertility treatments to get my daughter - and no i didnt take meds - lol.
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April 27th, 2011, 05:57 PM
Love.My.Lil.Family's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 520
I would be offended if I was asked like that, I think you should have gotten nothing less then wow congrats! I got a question kind of like that from my sister, we get kinda get along but from 2500 miles away. She was like "oh, your having another one? now? uh congrats... I'll call you later." It wasnt what I wanted to hear from my "sister", but I know that everyone has different priorities and opinions and I will not let that take any of my joy away, if someone doesn't want to share the joy, more for me and DH! We here are all super excited for you, Bonnie, and your DH! So I'll say CONGRATS again!

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April 27th, 2011, 07:10 PM
Aidan~N~Haileys Mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 8,780
I haven't been asked that question yet, everyone knows, but I haven't talked to many people about it (family wise), but everyone so far has said congrats!! No one has asked if it was planned (yet). My father was shocked and said I thought y'all were going to wait (even though by the time this baby is born DS will be 3). And my LOVELY (sarcasm) MIL said this "well if you guys are happy than congrats if you aren't I'm sorry" umm really..I took offense to that, because even if it was unplanned (we were NTNP) or not the right time or whatever the reason I'd still be happy, nervous and shocked maybe, but nonetheless happy!! I just don't understand people..

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April 27th, 2011, 07:26 PM
AprilJanellieBellie's Avatar Keepin Busy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Hesperia
Posts: 9,478
We haven't told our families yet, I know we will get that question when we do though. I won't take offense because it really isn't anyone's business. My PR friends all asked, and I don't have a problem saying it wasn't planned at all.
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April 28th, 2011, 02:17 AM
ComfortablyMum's Avatar <3 Mummy 2 Eve <3
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,302
I haven't been asked once! But yes, it was planned

Eve Alexandra Mae | 18 Months

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April 28th, 2011, 07:59 AM
OurSweetLabs's Avatar I LOVE My Boys!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 11,014
My MIL told people in front of DH that she only wanted one child ( he is number 2 ) and was going to get Hystorectomy ( Sp?) but she couldn't cause she was pregnat with him.

Because of that I will NEVER EVER tell people who could later tell the child that they weren't planned/wanted. You never know how stupid people are and how someone might say something with out thinking it thru.

With all of that being said I openly tell people that we have been trying for almost two years and had to have some help due to a progesterone issue.
Donna - Mom to David and Asher

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April 28th, 2011, 08:22 AM
KCMomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 4,821
A ton of people knew we were trying to I doubt we will get that question. Plus they will be 2.5 years apart so it's pretty expected...I get the "If you have another girl, will you try for a boy?" comment all the time though...answer NO!

Thank you Julka for my beautifully, perfect siggy!!

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April 28th, 2011, 08:33 AM
divinemom30's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 742
I was asked that with DD, and no I didn't take offense. We had been married for nearly 3 years and were established so I didn't feel they were trying to be negative.

This time around I got tired of people asking when are yall going to get started on #2 or telling us it is time for #2!
Thank You Julka for my beautiful name siggy!

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April 28th, 2011, 08:34 AM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 108
"Was it planned?"
"Actually, it is nunya."
"Excuse me? nunya?"

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April 28th, 2011, 05:21 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,254
For me, it would depend on who asked and how they asked. Ya know? Sometimes I think my childless colleagues will think I've flipped my lid. I have only told my boss and one co-worker who was thrilled for me.

My friends are all happy because we had such a difficult time ttc our last baby and this one just !BAM! Pregnant! But I could see myself taking offense in certain circumstances.
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planned , question , unplanned

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