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Should I make SO take the fathers class


Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
May 26th, 2011, 12:41 PM
Mom to minions's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Michigan
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Please be sure to read about his disability. Not trying to sound cranky, but I know some things he cannot do and I have put it in previous posts (dif area) and had people skip it, and give advice that was not even practical.

SO had Cerebral Palsy. He shuffles when he walks, has pretty good motor control on his left arm and limited use of his right. His right hand bends in to his wrist. Than hand cannot pick items up (or bed out of that position) but it can hold light items. He can use that arm to hold things against himself. For example he uses it to help pull the minions to him and uses it to help him lift them up to his lap. I think he could do diapers on a still baby, but I know it would be hard and doubt he ever will. As far as his legs, he can lift them to go upstairs, but not much higher and he shuffles when he walks. lol

Things like the small twist knobs on lamps he cannot do. Even with his good hand. Yet he can write very legible with his left hand.

Anyway, this will be my 4th baby and his first. I admit that So is not the best at keeping an eye on the minions. He does not seem to understand that even a second not watching them and they can disappear in public. Pork was already mobile when he came into our life. So he never had the baby stage.

I am debating having him take the fathers class the hospital offers. Sometimes I do not think he really understand how much work it is to care for minions. Also I fear he will freak out about every small thing since this is his first birthday. Recently he has been borderline hypochondriac with his own health. I really do not need that with a new baby. Especially since I have BTDT and even had a preemie.

Also there is the worry that maybe the class will be doing a lot of things he cannot do.. like diapers (I know they will cover it) and maybe some other things. IDK what they do. I asked the person at the number given to register and all she would say is "normal baby topics". I even explained to her about SO's disability and she still would not give more info.

Has anyone ever sent their SO/husband to one of these?
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Proud mama to:
Clark 6/07 ~ 1lb 13oz. @ 28 weeks
Tyke (Karl) 8/08 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 39 3/4 weeks
Pork (Laurence) 9/09 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 36 1/2 weeks
2 angels in heaven 10/06 and 01/11
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  #2  
May 26th, 2011, 12:46 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I did not even know they existed. Does he have a support group he goes to for his cp? Maybe they can suggest a class tailored to his needs.

But in all honesty, most men don't watch the children like women do. We are like hawks where they are laxy daisy about it all.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
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Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #3  
May 26th, 2011, 01:00 PM
Mom to minions's Avatar Super Mommy
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Nope. No support group. He actually use to do the books for a place that helped the elderly and special needs. Now he works for Social Security. He is actually quite active. he bowls and races on dirt track. Yep... he races. I am not sure how that works on dirt one handed, but he manages.

I have talked to his ex coworker (friend of ours) and they do not have any classes for people with special needs that involve baby stuff. Mainly parenting classes, but those are for people who have a mental/learning/emotional impairment.

I know he is not going to be able to watch the baby, but I had hopes that maybe they would cover things like "this is what to expect when your so/wife comes home", useful ways to help out your female SO so she does not kill you and what is normal for a baby and when to be concerned. That is what I was trying to find out from the lady on the phone, but well, she was less than helpful. The Peri office (where it was posted) was just as "helpful". Then again, that office just posts it. They do not control what the class at the hospital does.

So does have family that is in the area and always helps when he cannot do things. I do want to point that out... But after having more than one... I am not as freaked out by germs like they seem to be. Then again, the last baby was 6 years ago for his parents and the ones that help. And I do want to say they are good people! They are very good and thoughtful people!
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Proud mama to:
Clark 6/07 ~ 1lb 13oz. @ 28 weeks
Tyke (Karl) 8/08 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 39 3/4 weeks
Pork (Laurence) 9/09 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 36 1/2 weeks
2 angels in heaven 10/06 and 01/11
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  #4  
May 26th, 2011, 01:24 PM
Jenilope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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In your circumstances, I think I'd advise against the daddy class. My DH took that and the couples baby care stuff that was covered in our birthing classes. He MUCH prefered the daddy class (it was 4 hours on a Saturday) but, they didn't really cover the emotional stuff.

They did swaddling, burping, diapering, bathing and dressing. Some of those classes will bring a real baby, some won't.

My DH said that the only "emotional" thing they talked about was that a lot of dads feel "left out" because new moms can be over-bearing and want to do everything themselves and talked about some tactful ways to assert that they want to be more involved with the baby care and want mom to chill out.

They did tell the dads that breastfeeding moms need extra water and food and that they should bring us snacks and drinks. That's about as supportive as it got. It sounded very hands-on and kind of macho (as macho as a baby care class can be, I guess, lol)

I think you might be better off doing a couples class and working out ways to help eachother with the physical care and being really open with him about your particular post-partum emotional needs and what to expect. It also might be beneficial to make a meeting with the baby's physician to talk about safety, illness, etc so he has a better idea about when to be concerned and how worked up to get. Or even an infant CPR and first aid class--it sounds like he would be unable to administer most of the firstaid techniques they would teach, but it would give him an idea of what kinds of things can happen and covers the important stuff like big choking hazzards (My DH had no idea that coins and balloons were dangerous and that hotdogs and grapes had to be cut up)

I hope you guys can find a resource that will be more informative and helpful for him and his special needs.
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  #5  
May 26th, 2011, 01:24 PM
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I wonder what that class is about. DH never took one. Although to be honest I think he should. Is there another place that offers a similar class? Sounds like even with his disability your SO tries really hard but I agree that changing a diaper will be awfully hard for him.

What about a child birth class since this is his first. You know the drill but maybe it will help him learn some things on what to expect when the time comes and after if they teach some of the after.
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  #6  
May 26th, 2011, 02:24 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My husband is reading a funny but educational book called So you're going to be a dad by Peter Downey. It is written in guy speak and a great book. Easy read and funny. It has been sitting in my bathroom and I just now picked it up. I suggest it
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #7  
May 27th, 2011, 09:36 AM
Mom to minions's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Michigan
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Jenilope ~ Thanks for telling me more about the Fathers class. lol It definatelly does not sounds like it would be what he needs or would even want to go to. *sighs* I admit I really do not want to go to a parenting class. lol I would have to keep my thoughts to myself.

I had a friend who took one with her first and some of the things they covered... Yeah, worked great in theory or if you had only one child... but more than one? it was not piratical. But she did get a lot of useful into too!

I may just have to take a class with him...

Thanks all!
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Proud mama to:
Clark 6/07 ~ 1lb 13oz. @ 28 weeks
Tyke (Karl) 8/08 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 39 3/4 weeks
Pork (Laurence) 9/09 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 36 1/2 weeks
2 angels in heaven 10/06 and 01/11
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  #8  
May 27th, 2011, 10:29 AM
Kittynoah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We took the childbirth class together (we did the all day Saturday one instead of once a week for 6 weeks). It was really helpful and they were good about telling the dads how things would be during the birth and after. I think it really helped my DH. I don't think the dad class would be good for him, but maybe take a childcare or birthing class together? You might check several hospitals. I know that all the hospitals in our area offer different classes. The baby boutiques offer classes too - and they might be able to bring in a RN or someone that could customize a class for you.
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  #9  
May 27th, 2011, 10:56 AM
Alaska-Su's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hmm, I don't know but maybe look into asking social services (child protective services) if they know a good parenting class.

I wouldn't doubt that they would know of one that would go into some of the emotional things since they usually make parents of their cases take them to curb child abuse and neglect.

I don't think any would be good in ways of talking about/doing stuff that your SO could relate to/do, but if you were to go with, I'm sure together you can ask the right questions or figure things out since both of you are getting the info.

There's gotta be a good way for him to do stuff, it just require either trial and error or finding someone who knows. Once you guys take a class, I'm sure it'll be easy for you to sit down with him and ask him, "So how do you think you'd be with doing this or doing that?" And you guys could figure out a way to work around it.
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  #10  
May 27th, 2011, 12:06 PM
Mom to minions's Avatar Super Mommy
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lol He is almost a typical male. He already told me no diapers... he tried the "I can't" and I proved a point on Tyke... Although Tyke is good and moves how you need him to. *shrugs* It's ok. We will figure out the things I need.

I had to laugh at Social Services. I had a friend who had it put in her divorce (her ex was a piece of work and it was a hoop she had to jump through) that both parents had to take baby classes... I am sure some areas the classes are great. I am sure some teachers are better than others. What I was told is the attitude is "Parent our way or you are abusing your child" and sometimes she swore these people never had kids. I just chuckled.

The 2 hospitals here are connected. I have flyers for the classes they offer already. I will stalk SO tonight and see if he is interested in a class. I am told WIC offers classes to and depending on the teacher, they are better and smaller than the hospital ones.
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Proud mama to:
Clark 6/07 ~ 1lb 13oz. @ 28 weeks
Tyke (Karl) 8/08 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 39 3/4 weeks
Pork (Laurence) 9/09 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 36 1/2 weeks
2 angels in heaven 10/06 and 01/11
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  #11  
May 27th, 2011, 12:11 PM
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I wouldnt ask him to go to a class. I dont even think my DH would want to go. Since, as you said, your DH wont be able to do a lot of the things perhaps you can take a parenting class that includes both of you. So you can do the things he cannot do but he is still learning about it.
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  #12  
May 27th, 2011, 02:45 PM
Mom to minions's Avatar Super Mommy
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Well, I asked him if he would like to go to a parenting class together. His eyes lit up! He told me it would be nice, but since I had 3 minions already, he did not think I would want to go.

So I sucked up all my selfishness and smiled and told him that this is his first child. If he wants to go to a parenting class or anything like that, I will happily go with him.

Ok, so I told a white lie... I really do not want to go. BUT this is about more than just me. So I will be signing us up for a class. I admit I am worried that not to much of the birth process and what not will appy to us. I am a mandatory Csection (no one will touch me for a VBAC for several reasons). Either way, he is excited and so I will do it for him.

He is also excited to see what other classes they offer.

I never took any classes but CPR with my first.
__________________
Proud mama to:
Clark 6/07 ~ 1lb 13oz. @ 28 weeks
Tyke (Karl) 8/08 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 39 3/4 weeks
Pork (Laurence) 9/09 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 36 1/2 weeks
2 angels in heaven 10/06 and 01/11
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  #13  
May 27th, 2011, 03:02 PM
Jenilope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so glad to hear that he was excited. I actually smiled reading you update! I hope you guys have a good time, and they did cover c-sections at my birthing class, including that particular hospital's policies on baby in recovery, anesthesia and when dad can come in and showed a video, so you might be surprised

I hope you guys enjoy that time together.
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  #14  
May 27th, 2011, 05:59 PM
Alaska-Su's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Aww sweet that he was excited to do a class with you

And yeah, I imagine social services would be like that, which is stupid. I was going to make FOB go to one if he wanted to be part of my baby's life because his parenting skills suck. Not to mention it would have helped him see his daughter more and not have to fight them on it when he felt like seeing her.
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