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Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
June 2nd, 2011, 02:42 PM
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So just out of curiosity, BTDT moms... What forms of discipline do you use normally? Are you the time-out kind of mom or spanking?

And FTM's- What do you "plan" on doing?

This is my first but I'm definitely one to make that call on the basis of the child... My brother and sister were the type of children that spanking worked, and sometimes time-outs, but for me when I was younger, all you had to do was tell me you were disappointed in me and I would never do it again.

But what do you all think? Not trying to start arguments with it or get into debates and harrassing people over what they believe is the right thing to do. I know this conversation is almost like religion and politics, but I am wondering what parents have found effective.

Thanks!
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  #2  
June 2nd, 2011, 03:08 PM
Cheshire's Avatar Mommy to three beauties!
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I mostly do time out but just like when I was a kid, my oldest can stand being yelled at so if I have to say something a third time, I raise my voice and voila I am listened to!
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  #3  
June 2nd, 2011, 03:12 PM
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My first child gets spanked because nothing else works

my daughter is really sensitive so you just tell her how wrong she was and thats all thats needed

my youngest gets time outs-he hates having to sit down and not play lol

thankfully my kids dont usually misbehave!
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  #4  
June 2nd, 2011, 03:36 PM
promises1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I really think this depends on the child. For my DD we use time out and that works fine for us however, I watch my nephew a couple times a week and nothing works for that kid.
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  #5  
June 2nd, 2011, 05:23 PM
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Mostly time outs, spankings for big things where he could really have hurt himself (running out in the street, trying to touch the stove, etc).
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  #6  
June 2nd, 2011, 05:27 PM
mzbrnbear's Avatar GabrielandLiliana'sMommy
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Mostly time outs, my daughter just really has to be talked to stern or raise my voice, my son is very stubborn, but sometimes spankings just make it worse with him. He doesn't like to sit in the timeout chair and be ignored at all.
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  #7  
June 2nd, 2011, 05:43 PM
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It depends on what they're doing. If it's something where they could have caused serious damage to themselves then it's a spanking but other than that I usually only just have to speak to them in a very stern voice to get the point across.
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  #8  
June 2nd, 2011, 06:57 PM
Mom to minions's Avatar Super Mommy
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Time outs and spankings. It depends on what they do and if I can determine the thought process. My eldest is a high functioning autistic. I have learned that sometimes, even though the others would get a spanking, it is not necessarily the right thing for him. I have to think and figure what caused the behavior.

Although I only spank with my hand. And if I am upset or angry, they get a time out, even if they really should have a spanking. I do not wish to be like my mother.
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  #9  
June 2nd, 2011, 07:13 PM
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This is an issue that worries me a lot. I am a teacher and see a TON of kids that grow up with no discipline or the wrong kinds of discipline. When I see how they behave in school I NEVER want that to be my kids.

I plan on using mostly time outs and spanking for big things. But to me back talk and being disrespectful is a big thing and I hope my kids get that point!
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  #10  
June 2nd, 2011, 07:29 PM
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I was spanked as a kid, nothing worked for me. My brother, all you had to do was look at him sternly and he melted. It depends on how my girl will be, but I will most definitely spank if needed.
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  #11  
June 2nd, 2011, 07:38 PM
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When I was little, the sheer look of anger in my parents eyes was enough. I was a very good child, because I never wanted to disappoint them. I am hoping my child is the same way!

If not, I will have to see what (s)he responds to. I think I will be a strict mom, but really would like to avoid spanking at all costs.
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  #12  
June 2nd, 2011, 07:45 PM
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I use time outs and she gets a spanking mostly when she is goofing off with diaper changes. Start early is the only thing I recommend.
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  #13  
June 2nd, 2011, 08:27 PM
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I have a wide variation in the ages of children so it's a little different for each. But the basics are:

First step is redirection / choice to change behavior
If that fails, time out (or loss of privledge for the older ones)
If it continues there are more loss of privledges.

We do not spank or smack hands or mouth, ever.
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  #14  
June 3rd, 2011, 06:49 AM
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with my oldest sometimes the only thing that works is a spanking but I try to save that for the last result. with my youngest all you have to do is sit him in a time out and he gets the point. but he has gotten some spankings himself.
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  #15  
June 3rd, 2011, 07:15 AM
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for me it depends on the situation. i believe in time outs and spankings. my son is still pretty young, so mostly time outs, but when he starts hitting/kicking us on purpose he has gotten the occasional pop.
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  #16  
June 3rd, 2011, 09:02 AM
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DS is still really young (13 months) so right now we try to redirect and that usually works. For dangerous things (like trying to open the stove) we say NO and tap his hand. The stern voice really helps - but he still will try sometimes. I am not looking forward to the terrible twos.

But we will probably use time outs and the occasionally spanking for serious/dangerous things. DH and I have agreed to never spank when we are angry - you have to be calm so it doesn't ever go to far or become traumatic for the child.
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  #17  
June 3rd, 2011, 10:38 AM
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My baby (1 1/2) gets time outs. That or a stern talking to seems to do the trick for her.

My older dd (almost 3) is a challenging child. Time outs are not really doing the trick for her, a smack on the hand has never had an effect on her at all, and taking away toys only affects her while she watches me do it, even when her room is completely empty, she seems to forget that it even happened, let alone why! So, for her it's been a lot about responding to the particular behavior--telling her it's wrong, making her correct it (like if she throws things, she has to pick up the mess, if she hits she has to give a loving touch) and making her appologize. She's had her share of LONG time outs locked in her room too. We're still learning ot make our way with her. I do think it's a lot easier to encourage good behavior than to punish bad, but both are important.
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  #18  
June 3rd, 2011, 11:45 AM
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cool.. it was good to see other people's opinion on this. thanks for replying!!
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  #19  
June 4th, 2011, 07:49 AM
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I start discipline with positive reinforcement to recognize good behaviors and remind DD what is expected. This works better now as she gets older than it did between the ages for 2 and 3.5.

The thing with DD is that she is as stubborn and strong-willed as they come. She may know that I am going to tell her we don't swing the toy around because it could hurt someone, but if she wants to do it, that is just what she is going to do. From about 18 months to 3 years, time outs worked wonders. She absolutely would not do something again if she was put in timeout for it a couple of times. Then the time came when she went to time out at the soccer field and refused to be taken out of time out because, "I'm not getting out of time out now! I don't like you telling me to get out. No! No! No!" This was followed by a screaming tantrum and an all around horrible fit for which I threw her over my shoulder and marched straight to the car popping her bottom each time she hit or kicked me the whole way.

Sometimes time out works, but not so much when the child thinks they can control that process. We talk about why not to do something first, then we give the, "If you ...., you are not going to ...." If that doesn't work to stop the behavior, we spank. Spanking to us is a pop on the padded part of her butt. At this point, she's too old for a tap on the hand, but we don't spank anywhere but the butt. I've seen people pop a child's leg or really pop them hard, and I just can't subject my child to that personally.

Discipline depends on the child. Some children listen when you say, "I like the way you put the toy down when I told you not to swing it around," and will probably not go back to do it again. Others will respond to having the toy put away for a while. Some will only get it by having a spanking. It just depends on the child. The thing to remember is that discipline begins with setting rules and consequences so that children know how they are supposed to behave. Then it becomes less likely that any "punishment" or negative reinforcement needs to be used.
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  #20  
June 4th, 2011, 09:23 AM
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We gentle discipline....no spanking, trying not to yell {doesn't always work }, etc. We do time outs til the kids know what they did was wrong, then they have to apologize for what they did and give the person they hurt a hug and kiss.
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