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SORRY MIA Need advice/input. Warning VERY LONG


Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
June 18th, 2011, 12:12 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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So recently my family and I moved in with my in-laws due to financial issues on our side and theirs to kind of help everyone out. That is all going well, no complaints there. The issue I am having is that I moved 80 miles from my OB so I have had to select a new one. I really wanted to go all natural this time around and use a mid-wife but I have been turned down by 3 of them due to my high risk of postpartum hemorrhage, I have had this happen with my last two births that were pretty severe. I required a D&C and transfusions. So I need to use a doc and deliver in a hospital should an emergency like this arise. Any who, a part of me really feels that the intense use of pitocin in my last labor was the main cause of the hemorrhage, no one has ever been able to tell why this has happened only to say uterine atony. Which basically means my uterus was tired. Although I want to go natural a part of me is really scared that should I hemorrhage having someone manually massage my uterus without the epidural sounds incredibly painfulÖitís very painful even with one. Mostly I am just scared of all the what ifís. Living with my mom in law and not having a relationship with my bio mother is also taking its toll. My MIL is totally for going natural and breastfeeding and the whole bit, and I feel like if I donít do these things I will be letting her down. Iíve always been a people pleaser but this is weighing very heavily on me, she wants to be there for the birth which makes me feel like if I decide to get the epi, I will be this huge disappointment. I just donít know what to do, I feel like I canít say yes Im totally going natural when a part of me still thinks an epi may be a good choice just because of my medical issues. I know for sure I do not want pitocin used until the end to help the uterus clamp, but more than likely if I get the epi it will slow down labor and then they will want to start pitocin. I know for sure I can get to an 8 without the epiÖIíve done that twice and then really only got the epi cause it was offered not because I was in pain, my goal is to labor as long as I can without it and then go from there. With my last births once my water breaks the babies are out within 40 minutes, so maybe thatís all I need. I donít know I am so lost and confused right now and rambling. Any advice/thoughts/suggestions are welcome, just needed to get some of this out there. Thanks for taking the time to listen.
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  #2  
June 18th, 2011, 03:00 AM
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Well, given your past history of hemmorhage, I would not mess around with it. I had the same happen with luckily only one of my births and it was terrifying and awful. I hope that doesn't happen for you again, but obviously there is always that chance. I have never heard of pitocin being the cause, but I don't know enough about it. I would say that you can still use a Mid-Wife, but use one in a hospital settiing, that way if anything should come up, the OB on for that day will be able to assist. (that is what I do, Midwife in a hosp and if needed, an OB is there for anything surgical etc). As for the epidural, that is a personal choice. Many women feel that the use of it is somehow a sign of weakness and a let down, but in reality, it is used for a reason. Sometimes the pain can be too much for us to handle. I am sure if you have a conversation with you MIL and tell her the exact situation just as you have explained it to us here, she would understand your position and be supportive. Labor is just one of those things that you have to roll with. Whatever happens, happens and you just have to move on with it and accept it. At the end of the day, a beautiful baby will be yours to love and MIL's to spoil so everyone wins!! Good Luck!
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  #3  
June 18th, 2011, 04:10 AM
mom2moose
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I say you do whatever you can to be safe! Which, from the sounds of it, includes the epi. With your histroy of hemorage, you really do NOT want to take any chances. As for your MIL, I doubt it would disappoint her just because you get an epi. And if it does? Shame on her!!! It's not s ign of weakness to use this. you may need it to SAVE YOU OWN LIFE!!!! What if they DO have to massage your uturus?? You're going to be glad you had the epi if that happens.

I say you "try" to relax. Maybe this birth will be better and the same thing won't happen as the other two. But I also say you be prepared and plan as though it could happen again, ya know? There is no shame in being safe.

The only end result that TRULY matter is that you and the baby are safe!!!! How you get there is completely irrelevant in the long run!!!! Good luck!!
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  #4  
June 18th, 2011, 05:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2moose View Post

The only end result that TRULY matter is that you and the baby are safe!!!! How you get there is completely irrelevant in the long run!!!! Good luck!!


DITTO!!!!!!!!! Healthy mom and baby should be the ultimate goal of delivery!

Best of luck making your decision, and hope everything goes smoothly for you.
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  #5  
June 18th, 2011, 06:20 AM
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I agree healthy mom is all that matters. However a friend of mine had horrible hemmorraging after her all 3 of her babies and almost had to get a hysterectomy it was so bad but when she had #4 (at a birthing center this time), she didn't have ANY complications. Best of luck to you.
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  #6  
June 18th, 2011, 07:47 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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I agree with the other ladies. I would talk with MIL explain your history and concerns about hemorrhaging again and just let her know that while you would love to go natural your life and that of your child's is the most important. I would do what I had to in order to ensure both of you were safe. And as a mom I would want my daughter or daughter in law to do what she had to, to be safe. Good luck and I hope you don't have any problems.
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  #7  
June 18th, 2011, 11:57 AM
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Thanks for all your thoughts ladies. It is much appreciated ;-)
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  #8  
June 19th, 2011, 04:03 PM
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Just like the other ladies I'm going to say do what is best for you and your health. You can try to find either a midwife that works in the hospital or a dr. that leans to more natural methods. But in the end if you need that epidural, get it Number 1 there is no shame in taking something that can help you and number 2, I'm sure your MIL will not pass judgement on you, she wants a healthy grandchild and a health daughter-in-law. Good luck with everything!
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