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Have you planned for the unexpected? (Warning - sensitive topic inside)

Forum: 2011 Playroom


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July 19th, 2011, 09:32 PM
soImarriedAnerd's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We have it all in place...number 1 set who would take him, number 2 set if 1 can't/will not. Life insurance to cover them financially. A person (not the people raising him) set a side to deal with the money part. All written up...plus some "rules" that we expect to be followed with him, that the money holder will make sure is being done.
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July 19th, 2011, 10:28 PM
CherZ's Avatar Proud wife and mom....
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Wow....we talked about this when DS was a few months old, but never have put it into writing or talked to the people involved yet....however, it's something that we DEFINITELY need to do as baby #2 is coming....

Our folks are nearing the retirement age and we could never put them in that situation as they would be older. We've talked about my brother and his wife, DH's sister and husband in Minneapolis for guardian ship. This is a discussion that needs to take place soon...
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July 20th, 2011, 04:49 AM
Happy Mommy
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Originally Posted by way2gomom View Post
We actually just talked about this yesterday... we started doing it before Dalton was born, but didn't finish because we couldn't agree. So now we're working on it again. Tim thinks that if anything happens to us, our kids should go to his family. Like he would pick his parents (who, by the way, are close to RETIRING. His dad has is 63, I think and his mom is 56), then his 21-year old sister who isn't responsible at ALL and then his 15 year old cousin before ANY of my family. My parents are younger than his, I have a sister the same age as his cousin, but he thinks because his cousin has had to grow up without a dad, with an overbearing mom and helping to take care of her diabetic grandmother that she's a better choice and more mature than my 15 year old sister because my sister has had 2 loving parents and a stable environment her whole life...

He also thinks it's RUDE and a sign of DISTRUST to assign a trustee to watch over the money for the kids because if you trust someone enough to be your kids' guardian, you should trust them enough to take care of the money too. He doesn't want his parents to have to ASK someone for money if they want to buy school clothes for the kids.

So here's the problem - our lawyer advised us to NOT include our parents WHATSOEVER in the will because um, hello, advanced age. But we don't really have anyone else that we trust. We did have one couple - his cousins - and they ended up getting divorced this past year. And then there's the whole trustee issue.

Right now, Tim's grandmother is raising another family on her husband's retirement and SS benefits. She can't always afford her insulin, they are barely scraping by, etc. I do NOT want that to happen to my kids, so I think having a trustee is a very good idea. It's another set of eyes watching out for what's best for my kids.

So for the time being we are at an impasse. My hope is that we talk to both sets of parents (his parents are planning on retiring and moving away within the next few years BTW) to get their input, maybe a little more time to talk about things, and then go from there...
You could do that a few of ways. I have it set that the bulk of the girls money is held in trust, there are two trustees, from opposite sides of my family that would need to agree on a purchase/expense. and then I have a seperate trust set up for the money they would get monthly, ie. the social security checks, which would cover the every day living expesnes (groceries school uniforms/supplies and the like) I also made a list of pre-authorized expenses, and things that would need to be taken to the trustees. nto all inclusive/exclusive.

and honestly, like I told the people that get my kids, if they think I don't trust them, it's because I don't. I have to make sure my kids are taken care of forever, with the money that is left. and the only way I feel I can do that from the grave is to assign each thing out to seperate parties, that I know might NOT always agree. no one knows exactly how it is set up, but each person knows parts and they understand.

oh and I would suggest adding more then one. so I have 3 sets of guardians picked, just in case. and I have them listed in order of preference.

and then I have 3 sets of trustees set as well, just in case also.
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July 20th, 2011, 04:55 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We have it in writing that if anything happens to us, then my kids go to my parents place - Ryan has a will but I do not - we both have life insurance though through his work.
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