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Have you planned for the unexpected? (Warning - sensitive topic inside)


Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
July 18th, 2011, 12:08 PM
Mama.Angie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Do you have a plan laid out for your child(ren) if something happens to either you, or the father of your child(ren)? Do you have insurance? Wills? Have you spoken to those you wish to take care of everything if the unexpected occurs?
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  #2  
July 18th, 2011, 12:16 PM
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I have thought about it, but I"m not sure about how to go about it. We've already talked about who we think would take care of her, but she'll probably go to my parents.
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  #3  
July 18th, 2011, 12:17 PM
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Sadly, I do not. I know - bad parent here. This is something I always feel bad about but never do anything to rectify.

With the twins, if something happens to me then they automatically go to my ex-husband obviously. We've never really spoken to one another about what would happen to the kids if something happened to both of us somehow - probably because we know that conversation would not go well (he dislikes my family and I dislike his, so there is no obvious choice). Sadly I'm not currently worth very much on paper so I don't really need to make major arrangements for them as far as property, assets, etc. I really should have life insurance, though. Their dad might but I'm not sure. The ONLY saving grace in that situation is that Brian's family is pretty well off and both his mom and grandmother have set aside a good chunk of money for the girls, so at least there is financial support if they lose one or both of us.

With this baby, John and I have not had the talk about what our arrangements would be if something happens to us. But it is something that we need to do. I also want to talk to him about us getting life insurance - as dumb as this sounds I don't really know how to since I've never bought any kind of insurance on my own before. But it does need to be done since we don't have much and neither of our sets of parents are terribly well off, so whoever ended up with our child would have a serious burden put upon them (not to mention paying for funerals and whatnot).
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  #4  
July 18th, 2011, 12:18 PM
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I have had life insurance myself since I was a baby, but DH doesn't except through work, so that has been on our list of things to do since we got married. We need to do that ASAP, and I'm also thinking when things settle down after the birth that we should have wills written up also.
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  #5  
July 18th, 2011, 12:19 PM
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We have guardians for the kids and an executor for our estate (sounds funny since there isn't much to it ). We don't have wills, but both our families know our wishes. DH and I have small life insurance from our work, but we also have mortgage insurance for both and pensions that would go to our kids.

With DD, we did this within the first 6 months. You just never know what will happen.
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  #6  
July 18th, 2011, 12:19 PM
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DH and I have talked about everything, but we have yet to get it done officially. I think when he's off this fall, we'll be getting things in order because it's important. We just keep putting it off.
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  #7  
July 18th, 2011, 12:23 PM
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I have a will and a trust set up. it's all in there who gets what, what is done with everything and who is in charge of the girl's care, and who is in charge of the girl's money
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  #8  
July 18th, 2011, 12:24 PM
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I have insurance, Neely does not. Since my older two kids are adults, I don't have to worry about them. If something happened to me and Neely, his kids, I assume, would go back with their mom. I would expect Sarah to step in and take care of Daniel and Keelan with James' help and probably help from my parents and brother and SIL.
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  #9  
July 18th, 2011, 12:24 PM
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We've talked, but not set anything down in stone. Our biggest issue is the fact Kairi is not biologically his... her sperm donor isn't in this country, and doesn't give a poop about her, and is also in no way contactable... so he's out. If something happens, we hope that IL's will step up and make sure they aren't separated, and won't end up with my mother... which is a another big issue. IL's might not be child rearing age, so hopefully they can figure stuff out.

I think we need to have a sit down conversation soon about it. We don't have anything worth leaving other than the girls, and making sure they are safe and taken care of is a huge issue. DH doesn't like to talk long about these issues, which makes things a bit difficult. I'm an over thinker, and I want things settled.
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  #10  
July 18th, 2011, 12:27 PM
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Matt and I need to rework this. When Erin was born we talked about it, and she would have gone to my older brother and SIL. That *probably* still stands, but there's been some falling out with my family that he and I ended up on the opposite sides of, so I'm not sure.

Matt has life insurance through his work, and we've paid for some for me too. Now that we've got a house involved though...I'm not sure. We should talk about it again.
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  #11  
July 18th, 2011, 12:59 PM
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I think I have everything pretty much set since my mom was 29 when she died and I was 7 and she didn't have anything laid out for my brother, sister and myself this has been one thing I made sure my kids would be very well of and not have to worry about anything. We have life insurance polices, wills, 401k, we have it all set. All I have left to do is buy a plot for our family.
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  #12  
July 18th, 2011, 01:07 PM
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My bff and his wife are the guardians for our kids... we don't have the will with the legal part of it done, but my parents are aware of our wishes, as are our friends. We have life insurance, plus significant savings/RRSPs/pension plans, all of which are directed to DS in the event that we would both end up passing away. Not a fun topic, but I know that they will be very, VERY well taken care of,a nd that's all that matters.
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  #13  
July 18th, 2011, 01:20 PM
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Sadly no! We both have life insurance policies through DH's work he has a regular policy and I have a spousal policy. As for assets because we are married if either of us died it would go to the other and we have each other on all accounts where possible or as beneficiaries. Financially the only concern that we have discussed is a house that is my name only (I owned it prior to marriage).
As for this baby, I don't know. My parents aren't the best option as they have 3 small children and I don't agree with things they are doing with the 3 they have, I can't imagine adding another child to the mix. I don't think that his parents are the greatest option. As for siblings his sister has serious psych issues. And I don't particularly like my sisters. So I don't know what we are going to do, honestly it scares me.
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  #14  
July 18th, 2011, 01:32 PM
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No, but I've given this a lot of thought lately...
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  #15  
July 18th, 2011, 01:39 PM
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We actually just talked about this yesterday... we started doing it before Dalton was born, but didn't finish because we couldn't agree. So now we're working on it again. Tim thinks that if anything happens to us, our kids should go to his family. Like he would pick his parents (who, by the way, are close to RETIRING. His dad has is 63, I think and his mom is 56), then his 21-year old sister who isn't responsible at ALL and then his 15 year old cousin before ANY of my family. My parents are younger than his, I have a sister the same age as his cousin, but he thinks because his cousin has had to grow up without a dad, with an overbearing mom and helping to take care of her diabetic grandmother that she's a better choice and more mature than my 15 year old sister because my sister has had 2 loving parents and a stable environment her whole life...

He also thinks it's RUDE and a sign of DISTRUST to assign a trustee to watch over the money for the kids because if you trust someone enough to be your kids' guardian, you should trust them enough to take care of the money too. He doesn't want his parents to have to ASK someone for money if they want to buy school clothes for the kids.

So here's the problem - our lawyer advised us to NOT include our parents WHATSOEVER in the will because um, hello, advanced age. But we don't really have anyone else that we trust. We did have one couple - his cousins - and they ended up getting divorced this past year. And then there's the whole trustee issue.

Right now, Tim's grandmother is raising another family on her husband's retirement and SS benefits. She can't always afford her insulin, they are barely scraping by, etc. I do NOT want that to happen to my kids, so I think having a trustee is a very good idea. It's another set of eyes watching out for what's best for my kids.

So for the time being we are at an impasse. My hope is that we talk to both sets of parents (his parents are planning on retiring and moving away within the next few years BTW) to get their input, maybe a little more time to talk about things, and then go from there...
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  #16  
July 18th, 2011, 03:26 PM
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We both have life insurance as well as insurance through our workplaces.
My husband recently got info from his attorney about wills, but we haven't done that yet.
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  #17  
July 18th, 2011, 03:32 PM
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I totally remember panicking about this at this stage when pg with DS1, this time not at all--dh gets it all if something happens to me anyhow
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  #18  
July 18th, 2011, 06:02 PM
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I have worried about this also. I did write letters to my ds and a will (not notorized or anything though) and gave it to my sister to hold onto just in case. I have started a baby book for this baby.

I told my dh that I do not want my ex getting custody of my ds because he does not have his act together. I talked to my ex's sister about this also and we have agreed upon her taking my ds if something were to happen to me. DH and my sister know my wishes. And my dh would raise this baby if something were to happen to me.
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  #19  
July 19th, 2011, 09:56 PM
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we don't have anything set in paper form yet but my best friend and her husband are the guardians and our families know our wishes when it comes to baby girl.
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  #20  
July 19th, 2011, 10:31 PM
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No...I haven't planned or put anything in writing, because honestly, I don't know what to do.

If something happens to me, the kids go to Dillon of course. If something happens to both of us? That's the tricky part. My mom is great and so helpful, but do I want her to be raising my kids? She lives with her boyfriend and is 55....My dad is out of the question because he is beyond irresponsible financially. Plus I strongly dislike his girlfriend.

Dillon's mom and step dad are in Alaska, they're older than my mom. His dad is in Oregon and for a lot of reasons I'd rather the kids not go to him. Dillon has 4 brothers, all but one have children. We just don't see them that much, nor are we very close to them so I'm just not comfortable appointing them to raise my children.

In all honesty, I can't bear to think about it most days. Not having a plan for them SUCKS...but I really don't know who i would want to take them.

As far as wills, we're far from rich and have no assets. Obviously anything I have goes to my kids to split equally, but I need it in writing. When I go back to work full time after the kids are in school full time, or when we get a house, then I'll be more proactive.
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