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Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
August 6th, 2011, 10:22 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Okay I decided to post this because I *think* I'm right on this but maybe I'm not. So don't be shy. Tell me the truth. I've been really feeling like my hormones are taken over this pregnancy and I don't want to act on hormones sooo......


Okay my 13 year old is "dating" my 11 year old daughters, friends, sister who is 14. Both my daughters friend and my son's gf won't stop texting me!!! It's driving me insane. They text me to see if they can come over. They text me to find out why my kids aren't calling them. They text me for every little thing. I literally get like 50 texts a day from them.

What has made this scenario even worse is I decided to ignore them and guess what the 14 year old did. She used her mom's cell phone and pretended to be her mom and text me. I only found out it was her because what I had to say was too long to type so I called. She answered and had to tell me her mom was in bed. This crosses boundaries IMO. If one of my kids would do this I would DEFINTIELY ground them! There are things I talk to their mom about that I would never talk to them about.

I was getting so stressed out because I'm not in their relationship and I can't force my son to text or call if he doesn't want to. I was getting texts constantly from her saying "I'm worried that Jacyn is gonna dump me" Well again theres nothing I can do. If he's going to break up with her I can't and won't stop him.

I decided to tell her mom and her mom agrees with me that we should just let them deal with their relationship themselves in the sense that if there is a problem they need to work it out unless it's serious then we can offer advice. Then she told me that she KNEW her daughter was using her phone and that her daughter was upset because I wouldn't answer her so she had no other choice. She said her daughter is just so happy with my son and just doesn't want it to end.

Ummmm okay I'm finding this whole thing unacceptable!!! I'm taking it on the same level that I take lying and I'm mad. Am I wrong? Am I taking this whole thing worse than what it is? I would never let me kids text a friends parent 50 times a day or lie and pretend to be me to anyone especially an adult. Am I just being overly dramatic? Please tell me your honest thought. TIA
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  #2  
August 6th, 2011, 10:36 AM
~LaNa~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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They r just kids.I think it's ok u told this girl's mom about it..I have no other advice,sorry..

13 and 14 yrs old dating made me smile hehehe Kids want to grow up fast.We all did when we were kids,didn't we?
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  #3  
August 6th, 2011, 10:48 AM
Lorena26's Avatar ♥ Gio's Mommy ♥
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I also agree that is okay/good that you told her mom, i don't like when somebody else uses another persons phone and you're not aware (in any situation). But i dunno how I'd feel about the girlfriend texting you about your son part...i guess its hard for me to imagine because i'd never have done something like that at that age...but then again i didn't have a cell phone of my own till i was 18
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  #4  
August 6th, 2011, 10:59 AM
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I have limited texts, so that alone would irk me. But I would be annoyed if I was being dragged in to teenage drama too! You're a mom, but a buddy. Tell her to stop texting unless there is a real emergency regarding one of your children. GF Informant is not your role as a parent.
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  #5  
August 6th, 2011, 11:03 AM
D@mnedYankee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I say its ok to have said something to the other mom... IDK why SHE thought it was ok for her daughter to impersonate her but... and I'm with Lauren IDK how I would feel if DD's boyfriend/friends were texting me to begin with
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  #6  
August 6th, 2011, 11:11 AM
TheOnlyPink's Avatar .... In a house of blue!
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Its definitely NOT ok for her to use her moms phone. that is unacceptable, but if the mother is ok with it then i dont think there is much you can do.

As for your sons gf texting you all the time, i'm really not sure how i would feel about that. In one sense it kinda keeps you involved in their lives and you know whats going on, but on the other it sounds like a whole heap of drama you dont need. maybe you could have a word with jaycn? tell him you are always there if either of them needs advice or help, but that you just dont have the time to answer every single text?
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  #7  
August 6th, 2011, 11:47 AM
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Thanks ladies. Jacyn's gf is the 14 year old. I have talked to Jacyn and asked him to tell her in a nice way not to text me anymore. He did but it didn't work.

Just this morning she started texting me from her dads cell phone. I knew it was her because I made a comment and she asked me to define a word for her that she didn't know. Then she started asking me if Jacyn was going to text her. I knew her dad wouldn't be aasking me that. So she's still up to it.

She has also made sexual comments in the past that I think still have me uncomfortable. There is a world of difference between a 14 year old girl and a 13 year old boy.

I don't really think I want my son dating her since she's already trying to manipulate the situation by pretending to be her parents in order for me to make my son call her. I know I don't have control over it. I guess I just needed to vent. UGH parenting is so hard and it doesn't get easier as they get older.
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  #8  
August 6th, 2011, 11:57 AM
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maybe u can sit the two of them down together and set some boundaries. My parents and my boyfriends parents always did. I actually think its smart to keep the line of communication open about there relationship but at the same token 14 year old kids dont know whats a crisis and what isnt. U might wanna explain to her also that being a bugaboo makes guys like u less
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  #9  
August 6th, 2011, 12:20 PM
*~*N*i*c*o*l*e*~*'s Avatar Mommy Since 2006
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thats really messed that shes texting you. when i was 13 and dh was 15 we started dating. there is no way in hell id have texted his mom. we kept our relationship between the two of us. we didnt want each others parents in on our buisness lol. but with that being said its odd. you may have to be very frank with her and tell her to stop. i really have no advice i just think its very odd. i still rarely text my dhs mom lol.
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  #10  
August 6th, 2011, 12:34 PM
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I would have told the mom too so I agree with you on that and I absolutely would NOT let my child pretend to be and I would NOT allow my child to text like that non stop so yes, I would be frustrated as well.

Young love. So innocent and sweet and so annoying! lol
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  #11  
August 6th, 2011, 12:38 PM
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Yeah I think its odd too. I can't imagine texting my husbands mom about our relationship. Not now and not back when I was 14. We started dating a week before I turned 15. I think his moms head would spin if I sent her a text about us lol. I also can't imagine my own kids ever texting another adult the way these girls text me. IMO there was never much discipline or rules in their house so they may not be aware of boundaries. The good news is football starts next week. Then he will barely have time to sleep let alone hang out with her.
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  #12  
August 6th, 2011, 12:43 PM
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IMO this girl sounds really clingy and super needy to be in constant contact and going to these measure, texting her bf's mother, lying, etc. If that was my daughter I would tell her she is no way allowed t be using my phone and especially lying and pretending to be somone else. Its (IMO) a really bad example for the mom to just let that slide making it seem like its okay. personally if I were you I would tell this girl, that I dont want her texting me unless its an emergency CONCERNING your son (make it clear that him no texting her all day DOES NOT qualify as an emergency) and just because her mother allows her to use her phone and act like her, does not mean you have to put up with it.
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  #13  
August 6th, 2011, 01:09 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BulletMom View Post
IMO this girl sounds really clingy and super needy to be in constant contact and going to these measure, texting her bf's mother, lying, etc. If that was my daughter I would tell her she is no way allowed t be using my phone and especially lying and pretending to be somone else. Its (IMO) a really bad example for the mom to just let that slide making it seem like its okay. personally if I were you I would tell this girl, that I dont want her texting me unless its an emergency CONCERNING your son (make it clear that him no texting her all day DOES NOT qualify as an emergency) and just because her mother allows her to use her phone and act like her, does not mean you have to put up with it.
This. Word for word.

I don't think you are overreacting. I think your friend is under-reacting! I would set some specific and serious boundaries with these kids and outline the consequences for failing to respect those boundaries.
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  #14  
August 6th, 2011, 01:19 PM
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Shes one of those girls that always has to talk to him and makes things seem bigger. Shes a little nuts. If my dd did whats this girl is doing shed be grounded and no phone. I cant believe her mom allows her to take their phones and contact you. Sounds like shes annoyed him. Maybe you can tell her hes not allowed to date bc shes a little too much.
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  #15  
August 6th, 2011, 01:36 PM
TheOnlyPink's Avatar .... In a house of blue!
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tbh i'm starting to feel a little sorry for this girl. She seems desperate for some love, both from a male perspective and a mother figure. maybe she sees how you parent your children and the relationship you have with your kids and wants to have the same with you. I think she feels its appropriate since she is so serious about your son.

On the other hand i could be looking way to much into it and she is just a total bunny boiler. I get on well with my mil and we often throw some "adult" jokes into the conversation, but i think she would faint if i asked for advice on her son!
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  #16  
August 6th, 2011, 01:37 PM
mBABYe's Avatar ♥ Life with BOYS ♥
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Yikes!

^^ Ditto what all the other ladies said. TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. *** YAY! for football
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  #17  
August 6th, 2011, 02:04 PM
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wow that would irritate the snot out of me!

I would tell the girl and her mom for that matter that they are 14 years old and this is not a serious relationship and that the soap opera junk on her daughters part should really stop.

I would not want to get involved either BUT if i was getting these texts I would get involved in the way that I would tell my son and his gf that they can't communicate at all any more if its going to be that all around stressful on everyone around them.

Good luck I dred the day my sons start to date!
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  #18  
August 6th, 2011, 02:40 PM
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[QUOTE=Mom2J;24563821]tbh i'm starting to feel a little sorry for this girl. She seems desperate for some love, both from a male perspective and a mother figure. maybe she sees how you parent your children and the relationship you have with your kids and wants to have the same with you. I think she feels its appropriate since she is so serious about your son.


I can totally see how you would get this impression, however I know her family and she gets plenty of attention. I think the problem is the parents have never acted like parents. They have always been "friends" with their daughters. This has set up a whole lot of problems because there have never been any rules or boundaries set. Nothing is off limits to them. They can do whatever their parents do including swearing in front of their parents and the parents having no issues with it. Mom always makes excuses for their poor behaviors and has even given up friends because of the way the girls act in public. If anyone says anything negative about their behavior she just stops talking to them. They as parents aren't setting their girls up for a very good future because fortunately the world doesn't work the way they think it should. There are rules and boundaries in the real world.

You are a kind woman Robyn. I admire how you feel for everyone but I assure you this isn't a case to feel sorry for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BulletMom View Post
IMO this girl sounds really clingy and super needy to be in constant contact and going to these measure, texting her bf's mother, lying, etc. If that was my daughter I would tell her she is no way allowed t be using my phone and especially lying and pretending to be somone else. Its (IMO) a really bad example for the mom to just let that slide making it seem like its okay. personally if I were you I would tell this girl, that I dont want her texting me unless its an emergency CONCERNING your son (make it clear that him no texting her all day DOES NOT qualify as an emergency) and just because her mother allows her to use her phone and act like her, does not mean you have to put up with it.
I totally agree with everything you said. The thing is I have asked her to stop texting and so instead she pretends to be her mom. Once she was busted for that she pretends to be her dad. It just never ends.
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  #19  
August 6th, 2011, 02:52 PM
Thismamaisonherway's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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IMO, the girl is very needy for a 14 year old, and if I were you, I wouldnt want my son to be exposed to that type of girl at such a young age. I know that sounds harsh but there are teenagers like that and from what you say, your son doesnt seem all that interested. I think in general its inappropriate for your kids friends to be texting you. You are a mom not a secretary, its not your job to have your kids communicate with their friends.

I would send out a text to all the numbers you gets the annoying texts from and just say this phone number no longer receives texts.

You are not hormonal, you are a smart woman!
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  #20  
August 6th, 2011, 08:43 PM
gardnerbaby's Avatar expecting #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sockomom View Post
I decided to tell her mom and her mom agrees with me that we should just let them deal with their relationship themselves in the sense that if there is a problem they need to work it out unless it's serious then we can offer advice. Then she told me that she KNEW her daughter was using her phone and that her daughter was upset because I wouldn't answer her so she had no other choice. She said her daughter is just so happy with my son and just doesn't want it to end
I think the mother of the little girl is a little crazy to allow that kind of clingy behavior, especially at such a young age. I can't imagine letting my child text an adult that many times in one day or for that matter anyone else! I would have her number blocked from my phone or find out if you can block text messages from that number. I'd also ask the mother to explain that you can't make someone talk to you if they don't feel like it and that smothering someone is not the way to have a healthy relationship. I would have flipped out on both the mother and daughter if it were me. Also, if she knew her daughter was using the phone or was going to to decieve you she should have been the one to call and ask if everything was okay. Ugh, gosh that makes me so mad for you!! I hope you get this worked out, you are a much nicer person than I would have been.
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