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I'm so lost :(


Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
October 6th, 2011, 11:58 AM
Mama to Aidan & Caleb
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Philadelphia PA
Posts: 686
I don't want to post this on our facebook room so I'm gonna post here.

I just don't know what to do anymore, my fiance has told me over and over again today that he hates his life and there's no point in living it. He says he's miserable 24/7 and the only reason he has to stay alive is our son... This makes me beyond depressed.. I know I'm not perfect, i get mad at him for things and say things that aren't exactly nice but I think every single person does this to their SO sometimes, right? I don't even know what to do/say anymore he just throws everything back at me, he works more then me, he brings in 95% of the money, I get to sit home everyday, ect ect ect... I've offered to work more and he could stay home with the baby and he says no, he says he's a bad parent, i'm just at the end of my rope anymore.. How can someone be so miserable but refuse to change things?? I dont even know why he's miserable, he just says people really get to him, which to me doesn't explain why you would rather be dead..

Sorry I needed to get that out..
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  #2  
October 6th, 2011, 01:39 PM
IAMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 5,318
Quote:
Originally Posted by *~~Shannon~~* View Post
Hun that sounds like serious depression and that's not something that can be willed away. You need to start encouraging him to see a doctor. I have been on and off Prozac for almost 15 years. You also need to look into finding some support to learn how live with someone with depression. Good luck!
I agree that it sounds like serious depression. You can only do so much to help make another person happy. Happiness must come from with-in. You need to make sure you and your son are OK, support your finace, but also encourage him to get help.
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  #3  
October 6th, 2011, 01:42 PM
*~~Shannon~~*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washington State
Posts: 8,744
Hun that sounds like serious depression and that's not something that can be willed away. You need to start encouraging him to see a doctor. I have been on and off Prozac for almost 15 years. You also need to look into finding some support to learn how live with someone with depression. Good luck!
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  #4  
October 6th, 2011, 05:44 PM
JustLiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 2,140
Totally agree with the above. He is depressed. It's hard to understand, but this is really NOT any reflection of you or how he really feels about you. He is ill and needs a doctor. I felt this way a couple of years ago when I suffered major depression because of career issues. I am better now. Try to get him some help.
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  #5  
October 7th, 2011, 10:29 AM
*~~Shannon~~*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Washington State
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Originally Posted by JustLiz View Post
It's hard to understand, but this is really NOT any reflection of you or how he really feels about you. He is ill and needs a doctor.
Thank you for addressing this. This is a very important point. What he's saying right now, does not indicate his REAL feelings, but they are clouded by the negativity going on in his brain.

I know there have been times that I've had an almost disdain for DH and suddenly I realize that I've got that attitude about everything and its my depression roaring up again. Once I address my depression, that negativity goes away. Sometimes it's like depression is the opposite of the proverbial rose colored glasses; it's like glasses that blur out all the good things in life and only allow you to see the bad stuff. Have you ever broken up with a BF and a few months later you find yourself missing him and only remembering the good times (even though you know there were lots of bad times)? Turn that around 180 degrees. That's what depression can feel like. I don't know if that makes much sense, I'm just trying to give you an idea of how it can feel.
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  #6  
October 7th, 2011, 10:47 AM
*~~Shannon~~*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Washington State
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Have you ever done or made something and it's really good, but there's one flaw? Depression puts a strobe light, sparklers, spotlights, arrows and fireworks on that flaw. The only thing you can see is the screw-up. The more you think about it, the more that flaw just pisses you off. The next thing you know, your whole attitude has shifted from being proud of what you've done to being upset about the time wasted, your inability to do it right and the fact that "everybody" is going to see that error the way you do. Then every time someone compliments what you did, you see it as a backhanded, sarcastic slam. Surely, they're just making fun of me, those evil jerks. Now all my friends are pointing out what an idiot I am. Guess I'll quit talking to them.

It's pretty tough to enjoy life when your brain starts working that way. It takes a long time to rewire your thinking. Most of the time, it never goes away 100%. The trick is learning triggers, staying ahead them and being willing to ask for help.

For you, be there, be supportive and try to understand how his brain is working. When he's so negative, it may take a while to convince him that things can and will get better. If I can help in any way, please PM me.
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  #7  
October 10th, 2011, 07:47 AM
joellejello's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,122
I have no experience or advice, just wanted to pop on and give (hugs). I think the other gals have probably hit on the problem, I hope you and your fiance can work together to get the help he needs.
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  #8  
October 10th, 2011, 07:54 AM
Spacey Stacy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17,667
I just want to offer you *hugs* and try to get him to a doctor, it sounds like he is very depressed and needs some help..
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  #9  
October 11th, 2011, 08:24 AM
yeahokay31's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spacey Stacy View Post
I just want to offer you *hugs* and try to get him to a doctor, it sounds like he is very depressed and needs some help..
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  #10  
October 11th, 2011, 05:49 PM
Mama to Aidan & Caleb
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Philadelphia PA
Posts: 686
Hey ladies, sorry it took me so long to respond. DF has gotten better over the last few days. He still refuses to tell me exactly whats the matter other the "people" and "i've been this way long before we met so just leave it alone" answers i've gotten. I tried offering him some help but he refuses says he's gotten through it before and he'll get though it this time and the times after this. Needless to say i got no where with him, i read all the posts out loud to him so he knew that just the description of what hes doing and saying screamed depression to complete strangers, he agreed but denied needing help. He seems okay the last 2 days back to himself although like i said i still have no clue whats wrong. But thanks so so so much ladies your all awesome and you all really helped me a lot i totally appreciate it!!
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  #11  
October 16th, 2011, 09:04 PM
Purple654's Avatar Rhett's Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1,961
Must be frustrating he doesnt want help. I am sorry girl. I agree with the other ladies that it is no reflection on you. Just wanted to offer some support!
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