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Loneliness


Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
November 13th, 2011, 05:02 PM
MomtoParker's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have been dealing with some loneliness over the past couple of weeks. My DH and I have been home together, but it feels like we coexist. I know he has felt it, too, and it sucks. I thought we were going to get some time to talk about it this weekend, but it did not happen. My mom came up to stay the night Saturday. She was here by lunch Saturday, so I thought DH and I were going to go out for lunch...nope, he went to the gym. My mom cooked dinner for my friends and I on Saturday night, so we were all home.

Sunday she left at 3. DH had mentioned going to lunch and I need some pants for work, so we were going to go to the mall. Did we go? No. Now he is at the mall because he is going to take a second job over the holidays for some extra money. He went up to talk to them about it and then texted me to say he was staying for a meeting, be home after 9. Seriously. After nine.

I feel like I don't see my friends. He went out to a movie with a couple of our friends Friday night when Parker and I went to bed. He just seems to have more freedom than I do. I know that I could leave whenever I want to, if I just say something. It is just that I want to spend time with Parker because I don't see him much throughout the week because of work. When Parker goes to bed, I have to work on stuff for school and DH is watching some boring show on Netflix. We just coexist. I know we need to talk about it...I just don't even want to deal with this, but it is making me feel crappy. I feel a smidge angry tonight because I needed to go the store and get groceries, and I do not want to go to the store after nine when he gets home. I didn't want to take Parker because it was dinner time and nighttime is his cranky time. Just frustrated.

Just needed to vent. Thank, ladies.
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  #2  
November 14th, 2011, 06:36 AM
kdmommie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Nikki, I'm sorry. That sounds like a terrible place to be. You two definitely need to have a talk. Is there any night your mom could come over and you both go on a "date"?
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  #3  
November 14th, 2011, 07:17 AM
Rockstarmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think most couples go through phases like that, especially after starting a family! Don't let it fester and grow though! Even if you have to be the bigger person in the relationship, fixing your marital issues should be your number one priority. My suggestion would be to sit down by yourself and map out exactly what you need from your DH and to be able to have some YOU time each week. Men need everything spelled out for them in order to make things better and you will save yourself a lot of headache if you go into the conversation with a roadmap rather than just your emotion! Good luck. I know if you really focus on this issue, it will improve!
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  #4  
November 14th, 2011, 10:30 AM
azrunningmom's Avatar Julie S
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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Aww, I'm sorry!! I felt exactly like this not too long ago, so I can relate! Try talking to him, and try to get some time out together. I'm like you, any free time, I want to spend with T and with DH, he doesnt' get that though. He would get to go out a lot more than me, and said I just never asked to go out with my friends, but that's because I wanted to spend with him not my friends. We had a few charity events the past few months that forced us to get a sitter and things are much better now as a result. I don't feel as bad for being away from T on those nights now. We usually leave an hour or 2 before her bedtime so I'm still spending most of my day with her. I think if you guys are able to get out alone some , it will really help.

Good luck!!
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  #5  
November 14th, 2011, 11:15 AM
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We usually have our together time at night after the kiddies go to bed. We find some tv shows that we like in common and watch them together. Maybe you could start with that. Being a mom and a wife is so hard and sometimes our wants and needs get lost in the shuffle.
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  #6  
November 14th, 2011, 11:39 AM
NiKA's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Alberta, Canada
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I totally know how you feel. And it is hard. You have to try and find balance and that's the toughest part
balancing wife/mom/relationship/ect. Sometimes you get lost in the shuffle. For me I joined a yoga class. Something that was just ME time for 1 class a week where dh could plan and know he has to watch the boys. It's win-win. It gives DH bonding time and me 'my time' we also have a babysitter at least once a week so we can have a date night. We try and change it. One week I plan, the next week he plans. Just having 'adult' time together is positive.

We do watch tv shows at night together maybe 1 hr or so. but by then we're so tired from working - we usually don't make it through one show :/ but we try.
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  #7  
November 14th, 2011, 03:13 PM
MomtoParker's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks, ladies. DH and I actually sat down last night and had a talk. We got a few things sorted out and came to some conclusions that will hopefully help. I plan to take a night or two a week where I am not working on things for work so that we can spend time together.

DH wanted me to know that he wants me to make time for myself, so I am working on this. I am planning a girls night for this week. Then we know we need to plan date nights again and start going out.

Thanks again for letting me rant. I appreciate it.
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  #8  
November 14th, 2011, 07:00 PM
azrunningmom's Avatar Julie S
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I'm really glad you guys talked! In sure you both feel so much better! I'm glad he wants you to have time for yourself. That is something we are still working on here. I want to be able to go for a long run Sat mornings but I feel like I have to ask and then schedule it around HIS schedule. I like to go at like 7-8am but that means DH getting up early and that's where I feel bad (I know I shouldn't but I do). Anyways, don't want to hijack your thread...but I'm really happy you guys talked!!
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  #9  
November 15th, 2011, 03:23 AM
MomtoParker's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Not a problem, Julie. I think that it is something we all have to deal with. It is all about the new priorities in our lives. Finding a new balance is a struggle sometimes, and people are right about marriage, communication is key.

I always feel bad, too, when I have to ask him to get up early with him. Which then I think about how silly that is because I get up early with him all the time, so it shouldn't be any different for him.
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  #10  
November 15th, 2011, 07:21 AM
Rockstarmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I second the feeling bad about asking him to get up early so I can sleep in. I know he would do it, but it feels like my responsibility or something. And then part of me would like him to volunteer when he hears me getting up. He does a lot for me, so I shouldn't complain but when you are sleep deprived, it's easy to feel resentment when they lay there snoring away!
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  #11  
November 15th, 2011, 07:10 PM
azrunningmom's Avatar Julie S
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Location: Phoenix, AZ
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I agree Jaime....if only they would volunteer every now and then! Getting up at 5am 5 days a week then 6am on the weekends is wearing on me!! The nights that we go out for charity events or whatever and get home to bed at midnight, then up at 6am, those are the worst! It takes me almost a week to catch up Why is it we feel it's our responsibilty, I feel the exact same way. I guess it's just that mom's tend to do it all because we can
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