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  • 4 Post By Mama.Angie
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  #1  
February 7th, 2012, 11:47 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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As you know, we adopted Savannah from my 15yr old cousin. When we were choosing her name, I decided to go with the birth mother's middle name for Savannah's middle name. Mostly to make the BM feel good & make sure everything went smoothly for all parts. I wanted to help her heart hurt less.

Savannah is now 5 months old, I have talked to the BM over FB a few times a month & when we talk it's not really about Savannah. The birth mother is a teenage & is very involved in her social life & all that applies to being young.

When the adoption is final (June) we get our own empty birth certificate to fill out for Savannah. Obviously we are changing her last name to ours, keeping her first name since I picked it but it's the middle name I'm stuck on.

I really always loved the name Savannah Brooke & I want to change it, but I don't know if that is terribly wrong & mean to do to the BM. She probably would never know I did it but I just want some opinions....Do you guys think that's really messed up of me to want to do?

So my question is....Keep or change?
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  #2  
February 7th, 2012, 11:56 AM
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I'm guessing the BM is more of a distant cousin. I don't think it's wrong, but would consider leaving it. It is a connection for Savannah to her BM and she might like having that connection when she's older. I'm not sure how much contact you and Savannah will have with BM after the adoption and the BM's teenage years, but she may change and if you are having an open adoption, want to know more about Savannah's life.

Personally, I'd keep it and add Brooke to her name so she has 3 names plus her last name. This way you've keep that BM link and added your preference to the name.

I hope that helps.
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  #3  
February 7th, 2012, 12:19 PM
Mama.Angie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My personal opinion, I'd leave it. Add the name you like in the middle, and call her Savannah Brooke.

My DH is Alexander Graeme Martin Lastname. Alexander was a name his birth mother choose for him. He is, and always has been Graeme, the name his adoptive mother chose for him. Martin was the middle name they choose for him. He has almost never been called Alexander, except during legal anything, which is fine. It's there almost as a reminder name. His adoptive parents weren't asked to give him that as a first name, they do it as a means to honor birth mother, and what she gave up. Our daughter Alexis is named after him. Because without his birth mothers sacrifice, none of his life would be as it is KWIM?

From the sounds of it, Savannah's birth mother is a typical teenager, but what of when she is older? Maybe grows up, has more children? She might not think of Savannah much now in any complicated way, but she will. Doesn't matter how much a mother moves on, generally a mother carries a piece of her child forever, and that can grow and change over the years.

I'm not trying to say if you drop the name it really matters, it doesn't. I just think in your case in particular, where there is some contact with birth mom, maybe down the road, years from now, it would be something birth mom does know and care about and finds special that her middle name is there. Does that make sense?
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  #4  
February 7th, 2012, 12:28 PM
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I may be the unpopular one, but I don't think there is anything wrong with changing it. In my opinion, this is your baby, even if somebody else gave birth to her. I think you should give her a name that you prefer.
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  #5  
February 7th, 2012, 12:33 PM
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I agree with the other ladies. I see a lot of children these days with two middle names so adding Brooke and keeping the BMs name would be nice. Considering she is your cousin and on FB she will probably eventually find out if you changed it and that could cause hurt feelings or resentment. She may not care so much now at 15 but in 10 years she might feel different
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  #6  
February 7th, 2012, 12:35 PM
CanadianLou's Avatar Laura - mom of 3
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I think because you have contact with the BM (and she's a cousin) it sort of changes the situation, and also because I'm assuming you've also told her and everyone else what her middle name is/was and why?

I agree with leaving her middle name and adding in Brooke if you really like it.

The reasoning I can think of for this is as mentioned above, a connection with the BM and I think she would appreciate this when she gets older. Also, I don't know if it matters to you at all, but do you think it might cause hurt feelings?

In end though I think you'll make the RIGHT choice for you and your daughter. I don't think it's WRONG either....just could be touchy I think.

I personally think it was a sweet sweet idea to have the BM name in there for both Savannah and the BM.
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  #7  
February 7th, 2012, 12:41 PM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's a clever idea, just adding Brooke, that way she could have both.
I definitely don't want to hurt the BM by changing it & I do think it would but on the other hand, she is my daughter & I should give her the name I want her to have. This way, I could have both!

Thanks ladies for all your help! You actually did help a lot!
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  #8  
February 7th, 2012, 01:35 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I agree with adding Brooke. Everett has two middle names. He is the only one of my children to have 2 but my uncle died unexpectedly and I wanted to honor him. He went from being Everett Cole to Everett Michael Cole.
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  #9  
February 7th, 2012, 02:30 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I am going with the two middle names idea too! I'm glad that seems like a reasonable solution!
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  #10  
February 7th, 2012, 06:01 PM
DaniB+3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Both of my daughters have two middle names and I love it. My siblings and I all have two middle names, too. It's sort of a family tradition. I wanted Miles to have two middle names but John shot me down (he sucks ). Anyway, needless to say, I think this is a great compromise!
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  #11  
February 7th, 2012, 07:35 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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How did I not know she was adopted, welcome to the adoption club!

Our middle three are adopted sibs. They each have two middle names. Bio parents gave them first and middle names and we added our names as their third. Our adoptions were finalized in 2009 and 2010. After this period of time, in talking to dh a few months ago we wish we'd have dropped the first middle names given. If/when we do speak to bio fams, they don't ask or care about names, barely about the kids. We kept their original first names, but we should have personalized all middles to be something meaningful to our family. Or you could add a 2nd middle and keep the peace, and your dd will have something special for life from both her moms.

If you want to change it, I think its entirely up to you. Bios know that will/can happen, its just part of the process. Hard decision, but she's yours and you need to give her the name you want. ((hugs))
MommytoaMiracle and mandy5586 like this.
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  #12  
February 8th, 2012, 04:45 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you, everyone!
It's definitely a hard, awkward decision to make.

Marie- Yepp, we adopted her! D I was able to be there for doc appt & her birth, brought her home with me from the hospital, & she hasn't left my side since
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  #13  
February 8th, 2012, 07:38 AM
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I like the two name idea!
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  #14  
February 8th, 2012, 08:08 AM
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2 middle names is all the rage that's my vote
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  #15  
February 8th, 2012, 10:33 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks girlies!
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