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Husband first?


Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #21  
September 28th, 2012, 02:31 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I took putting my husband and marriage first to mean that I make sure that relationship is strong. My relationship with my kids will always be strong and I work at that too. But if my marriage is a mess than everything at home would be a mess. So I think that its important to focus on your marriage too, not just the fact that you are parents. Make sure that you take care of your children and meet all your needs, but also make sure you are doing the same for your spouse. I think that maybe the wording of "putting first" may be a little confusing?

I think its important to have those date nights with your spouse and make time for each other on a regular basis, even if it is a phone call or a late night talk. Otherwise as someone else said your relationship can become like roommates instead of husband and wife.
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  #22  
September 28th, 2012, 02:46 PM
~Rae~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes, I guess there is misconception on the definition.
Putting Tim first means I will NOT put my marriage on pause for 18 years. We will, within reason, treat each other & do the things for each other that we did before kids. Yes, some things change, but everything won't. Some people think they can hit the pause button on marriage & pick up when the kids are gone. I would consider that neglect if that's what Tim planned for us.
We still date. Maybe not as often, but we do things we did before marriage. We had started slipping into the cycle of doing the same old same old since it was easy, but we caught that & have put things in place to start adding variety to our dates like we used to. We eat the way we did before, sleep together like before, talk to each other etc. Our kids know all activities are out on hold when I'm helping daddy get off to work, & my family & friends know not to call me when my husband is home.
I am his wife and partner. Not just his kids' mommy.
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  #23  
September 28th, 2012, 03:04 PM
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We don't do date nights, that just is not our thing. For us we would much rather spend the time we have as a whole family. Going to the zoo, amusement parks family dinners ect. To use a date does not have to be going somewhere while we leave the kids with a sitter, to us we like being home watching tv or movies that we both enjoy together. Also because we cant afford to just hire a babysitter, and go out. But again this maybe because he has spent so much time away from the kids and this is the way we prefer it.
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  #24  
September 28th, 2012, 04:53 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by navywifey2003 View Post
We don't do date nights, that just is not our thing. For us we would much rather spend the time we have as a whole family. Going to the zoo, amusement parks family dinners ect. To use a date does not have to be going somewhere while we leave the kids with a sitter, to us we like being home watching tv or movies that we both enjoy together. Also because we cant afford to just hire a babysitter, and go out. But again this maybe because he has spent so much time away from the kids and this is the way we prefer it.
I do think that because you are a navy wife your situation may be a little different. We love spending time as a family and that is what we do a lot. But we also enjoy those nights away where we can focus on just each other. When the kids are around we don't really get to have conversations without being interrupted. And because two of our kids are teens we can't stay up late and watch movies alone a lot because they want to watch with us
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  #25  
September 28th, 2012, 05:01 PM
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I absolutely think that my marriage is a priority but its not my sole priority. I believe that a solid marriage helps produce solid people (not saying those not married or single can't/don't).

My husband and I do not have individual date night without Carter. In fact, in the last 3 months the only time we've been alone without Carter was to go to the store for a couple minutes while Carter stayed with DHs dad.

We talk every day, cuddle every morning and evening, read books together, watch movies together, etc. Carter's almost always included but I don't feel that at this point with a young toddler that there is an excessive need to separate my relationships with my boys. In time, as Carter grows, I'm sure we will take date nights but I'm not comfortable leaving Carter with people I don't 100% trust when he can't talk. If we lived back up north with my family around, perhaps we would.
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  #26  
September 30th, 2012, 11:47 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This is something I struggle with, frankly.
Personally, I "believe" my husband should come first in my heart & life. I believe if that relationship is strong, the rest will follow. However, putting that into role is a lot easier said than done. I pick my kids first. In everything. I love my husband but he knows that if I had to choose between him & my babies, I will always choose my babies & I would hope he would do the same.
BUt I agree with Angie in the fact that we are ALL equally important as a team & we all lift each other up & make sure every relationship (husband,wife, daughter,son,mom, dad) thrive & having a happy marriage is part of that. We make sure to take time just the two of us, away from the babies. Because even though they are my #1 priority, he is the person God has given me to grow old with, even when our kids leave us. He is my best friend & soul mate & I want to make sure I put a lot into our relationship so it grows not only for us two, but our kids. I want to lead by example for our littles.

All that's to say I enjoyed the article & agree with it to an extent. I do understand what she's saying.
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  #27  
October 1st, 2012, 11:04 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If I'm not a happy, calm, loved and fulfilled wife, then I can't be that type of mom-I was a wife first and thats the type of family I want to model for my kids. If I am unhappy in my marriage that is reflected in everything I do and touch
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  #28  
October 3rd, 2012, 05:28 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama.Angie View Post
It's an interesting read. I don't disagree with what is being said, I don't think I'd put it that way for my own life though. Not quite. The way my DH and myself see things is that family comes first, but that means all of us. Us, and the kids. Within that, we put our own relationship and love as sort of a foundation for our kids, it holds our family together so to speak. It shows our kids the example of how we want them to be in a relationship one day, how they deserve to be treated and loved. Does that make sense? I haven't had my coffee this morning... Anyhow, I liked the read, thanks for sharing.
This. Exactly.

I don't think that Neely's needs come before the needs of my children, but if Neely and I aren't doing well as a couple the rest of our family suffers. I think what she is talking about is not physical, tangible needs of the husband over the children, but making your relationship a priority because in the end, it is the foundation that the rest of the family needs.
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