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Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
October 1st, 2012, 05:40 AM
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Have your parents (this may not apply to FTMs) ever "popped" your child on the butt?
If so, how have you handled that?
If you are/plan to spank, is it okay with you if other people "swat" your kids?


Last night, we were at Nana's and Brynlee had something she wasn't supposed to have (not even something that would hurt her) and when MIL tried to get it back from her, she started giggling and ran down the hallway and MIL went after her. She came around the corner and said, "I had to pop her little butt for running from me." Before I could even say anything at all, DH said, "We do not spank her!" in this really firm voice. She looked totally confused and asked why we don't swat her on her diaper. And DH said because she is too young to know what that means and we don't plan to teach her things by Hitting her, we plan to teach her by showing her what's right and wrong.

Well I wouldn't say all hell broke loose, but I already know some of ya'll would have not been happy after this. Nana chimed in about how kids are spoiled and never learn when you don't spank them. MIL started saying how we are going to have out of control kids, blah blah blah. SIL said the same crap. Saying how she can't believe we're not going to spank her and then she had the nerve to say that that must have been Amanda's decision. DH said, It was OUR decision.

I didn't have to say anything (and trust me...what I had to say would not have been as nice as him). I am so happy that he stepped up and handled his family. For a while, DH was not on the same page as me for the spanking stuff. I guess he's changed his mind now!
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  #2  
October 1st, 2012, 06:01 AM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think that's totally great that he stood up for BOTH of your parenting decision! Good for him!!!

As far as I know, my parents have not swatted Kaylee. My mom babysits though, so she COULD have done it when I wasn't around, but generally Kaylee listens extremely well so shouldn't need to be "corrected" that way. I wold have a problem with it only because I don't like other people disciplining my child when I am RIGHT there. If I see it happening and don't discipline her, it's because I don't think she needs to be disciplined.

I am not against spanking or swatting, and I have tapped Kaylee on the hand for repeatedly touching things she's not supposed to. If my mom or dad or Kyle's mom or dad did the same thing when I wasn't there, I wouldn't be upset.


My mom does a "tap" on the mouth to other kids when they shout or scream obnoxiously, and this is one thing DH and I agree is not appropriate. We have told my mom that we don't agree with that, and so if she did THAT in front of me, I would honestly probably take Kaylee and leave after telling her that if she can't abide by our rules with how to care for Kaylee than she shouldn't be caring for her at all.
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  #3  
October 1st, 2012, 06:41 AM
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I just don't understand why she would this it was even appropriate to swat her. She wasn't doing anything harmful. She was being silly. She loves to grab things and giggle and run away and fast as she can. Normally DH and I just go get her, make it a fun game, and give her something appropriate to play with.

When we left, DH said that his family sure is trying to not keep Brynlee anymore!
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  #4  
October 1st, 2012, 06:48 AM
mccaroline's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Only once. With my oldest while I was in another room with DD2. It was not gentle either, I actually heard it. Well, it was an all out mother/daughter war. It took a long time for us to even talk again let alone for me to leave her alone with my kids again.

Now, it's not that I'm totally against spanking, I think it has it's time and place. Here it's our very last resort. Have I tried re-directing, talking to the child, a time out? If I've tried all that and the child is still purposely doing dangerous or hurtful behaviour then a swat on the tush is given. Consideration is also being given for the child being tired, hungry or overwhelmed. It's never my go-to punishment, and I never think anyone else has the right to decide if it's needed.

I should also add that I'd never consider giving a swat on the tush to a baby, they don't understand at all. A tap on the hand if they reach for something that could hurt them, yes, but not spanking.
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Last edited by mccaroline; October 1st, 2012 at 06:51 AM.
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  #5  
October 1st, 2012, 06:59 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would lose my s.h.i.t if anyone other than myself (& maybeeee Dylan touched my child in an aggressive way). I'm not against spanking, but I think their are times when it's the only solution & times its uncalled for. People wayy overuse the method. We generally use stern, calm eye level talking or removing her from the situation but their have been that Savannah has gotten her hand smacked for major things but not often at all. It is last resort for us because I want it to be serious in her mind. Growing up, we got spanked for everything & it lost it's authority. With that said, I am her mother & If I choose to spank her, it's my prerogative & it would be a bad day for someone else who put their self in my shoes. Good for you for not going off on her because I would kill MIL. lol

I'm glad your hubbs stuck up for you guys! Good for him!!

Also, my mom was borderline abusive with us growing up, taking spankings wayyyyy overboard so surely she knows better than to touch my kid, because she knows she would never have her again, or even probably see her.
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  #6  
October 1st, 2012, 07:21 AM
~Rae~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Lol @ Brynlee.
I don't have parents, but MIL has told Layla she would pop her if she didn't stop doing xyz. She's never done it though. I wouldn't mind if she popped her, but a full spanking is a no-no. My sister has popped Layla a few times & she melts down like the world is ending.
I try not to put another person in the position to determine if a pop is needed if I'm right there. I try to discipline my kids myself since one thing I hate is for other kids to be at my house & the parents aren't disciplining, so I have to step in to keep my house from being ruined.
So in short, Im ok with a pop from the only two people I let watch my kids, but I'm not ok with a real spanking since we dOnt use that as our first line of discipline & they're given out sparingly in our house.
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  #7  
October 1st, 2012, 07:27 AM
HeatherLopez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Pretty sure none of Ari's grandparents would dare do something like that. I would have been livid. Not only that she spanked your kid, but her comments about your parenting choice. Good thing your DH spoke up.
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  #8  
October 1st, 2012, 07:48 AM
Mama.Angie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherLopez View Post
I would have been livid. Not only that she spanked your kid, but her comments about your parenting choice. Good thing your DH spoke up.
Livid!

So glad hubby spoke up! As if your SIL went on to blame you for it even!

We don't spank. I would spank anyone who dared to try spanking my kid. But seriously... no one touches my children to punish them. Never. I'm not honestly sure what I'd do in that situation.
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  #9  
October 1st, 2012, 08:12 AM
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Oh yes, to me...it was not a big deal that she had some scrapbooking paper or whatever it was in her hand. Now when she got in the cabinet, I did take her away from the cabinet and move the blanket that was pushing the cabinet open.

She's curious. She's just exploring and learning. She was doing no harm to herself or anyone else by carrying around that paper. So when she said she "popped" her for running away from her, I wanted to punch her in the face, LOL.

I am one of those, "I DARE YOU..." kind of people. I dare her to pull that crap again and it will be me she deals with and not DH.
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  #10  
October 1st, 2012, 08:26 AM
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I would have been pissed.

I think it's appropriate to pop a child who knows what the word "no" means and they continue to do what you've told them not to do. That being said, Brynlee is not old enough to get it and popping her butt is out of line.
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  #11  
October 1st, 2012, 08:53 AM
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My family would never dare. they aren't that stupid to cross me
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  #12  
October 1st, 2012, 09:17 AM
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I would have been SO pissed. We do spank sometimes as a last resort but NEVER to a baby Carters age! Not until they understand the word no.

I don't even like my MIL yelling or talking sternly at my kids, she has NO right. Robs uncle has a Daughter about the same age as my 3 year old (shes 2.5) and his mother (robs grandmother) has said she spanked her little butt hard enough that HER HAND stung and the little girl didn't even cry, then went on to say she was so tough. Well they STILL let this little girl sleep over and go over there, I can't freaking belive it she said she needs a break sometimes and thats her only choice.

My toddler sometimes (maybe a few times a month) may spend the afternoon with my mom or something and I told her that she can discipline her. I also told my sister she could discipline my kids when she thinks it needed but other than that no one else is allowed to touch or punish my kids unless I say so first.
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  #13  
October 1st, 2012, 09:21 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
I would have been pissed.

I think it's appropriate to pop a child who knows what the word "no" means and they continue to do what you've told them not to do. That being said, Brynlee is not old enough to get it and popping her butt is out of line.


And nobody but me pops my children! My hubby is a believer of a spanking with the older kids if they do something extreme, but he knows he is never to spank my older son (his ss).
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  #14  
October 1st, 2012, 10:08 AM
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I can't put into words how I would feel, livid doesn't even begin to describe it!
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  #15  
October 1st, 2012, 10:45 AM
tobi4's Avatar Tobi
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We don't spank, ever. I'm totally against it so if anyone touched my children in that way there would be consequences. My first son was spanked by my father once. He knew from that moment on, should he ever do it again, he wouldn't see us again. Period. 20 yrs and 5 kids and no more spanks!
Now my df's parents will be told before anything like that happens. Since I already have huge issues with them, I might attack them if they touch Colton!
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  #16  
October 1st, 2012, 11:21 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
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Wow! I would be sooo angry! Good for your DH for standing up for his beliefs!!!

We do not plan to spank, so if anyone every tried to hurt Avery in any way I would lose my *****.

And for the record- it is illegal in Canada to spank a child under 2 or over 12. (not really sure why this is relevant but thought I would share that)
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  #17  
October 1st, 2012, 09:26 PM
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Huge props to your DH for standing up for what the two of you believe.

No one has ever swatted my child. I have swatted Chuck (now 3y10m) twice. Both times when he bolted into the street.
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  #18  
October 2nd, 2012, 01:21 AM
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To be honest, I would have thrown her out the house! I certainly would not take anyone - family or not - lightly if they popped Zoe. We dont swat, hit, pop etc but use stern words where needed. It's not that we are against it, we just choose not to go down that route,
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  #19  
October 2nd, 2012, 03:57 AM
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I totally agree with you about spanking. I don't get what it accomplishes. And kudos to your dh!!!
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  #20  
October 2nd, 2012, 08:19 AM
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nobody spanks my kids but me and dh, and only if they're doing something life threatening. And absolutely not at this age
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