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Forum: 2011 Playroom

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  #1  
October 1st, 2012, 11:34 AM
mccaroline's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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As I received yet another phone call questioning my motives today. I got to wondering what other people do when in this situation.

So here it is, what do you do when you feel or think a certain way that would be considered taboo in your social group? Especially if you thought something completely opposite previously. Do you have someone you can talk to who could be impartial and not try to change your mind? Vent here or on another form? Write in a journal?

I've tried talking to a couple of people and after they just tried to change my mind or gave me the "I can't believe those words are coming out of your mouth" things I gave up and now make lame excuses when questioned. At some point though I'm going to burst and the truth will come tumbling out. Sorry this is so obscure, I'll try to find the words to clear it up a bit later.
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  #2  
October 1st, 2012, 11:44 AM
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Man, that is vague! LOL

For most things, I tell DH or my sister. Even if they don't agree with me, they let me express my feelings on whatever the issue is and don't try to change my mind. I think they both know that I don't believe in things just because others do. I have a researcher's mind so I have reasons for my standpoint on things.

There are some issues that I just don't discuss with certain people. I know that all they do is try to change my mind so I avoid having the conversations with them.
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  #3  
October 1st, 2012, 11:49 AM
mccaroline's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OK, yeah, sorry, I know totally vague.

What if its something big. Not like changing your mind about breastfeeding, or suddenly saying you want to cloth diaper, but say life changing, like changing your mind about your religion and beliefs?
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  #4  
October 1st, 2012, 12:03 PM
CoreenaC's Avatar Carter-Carter's Momma
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My beliefs are not mainstream. Fortunately my family and DH share the same believes. When it comes to talking to people who don't, I am always open to explain why I believe the way I do. If they are just looking to argue, I politely change the subject if it's a friend/family member. If it's a stranger I will excuse myself.
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  #5  
October 1st, 2012, 12:07 PM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would talk to my husband, DH's parents, or my aunt. In my experience when I have major problems, these are the people I know will be on my side and supportive no matter what the issue is.

Hope that helps some? lol
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  #6  
October 1st, 2012, 12:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mccaroline View Post
OK, yeah, sorry, I know totally vague.

What if its something big. Not like changing your mind about breastfeeding, or suddenly saying you want to cloth diaper, but say life changing, like changing your mind about your religion and beliefs?
Definitely NOT my Mother! We've had religious/serious conversations before and it goes nowhere.
I still say my DH and my sister. I know my sister believes some things a little differently than me, but I can still tell her how I feel and she is accepting. My DH and I believe pretty much the same way, but if I were to change my viewpoints on whatever the issue is, I know that I could still tell him about it without him trying to change my mind. He's the same way.
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  #7  
October 1st, 2012, 12:39 PM
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I'd probably talk to my best friend or S. but depending on the topic it might be someone else, like a priest, or a therapist
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  #8  
October 1st, 2012, 12:42 PM
~Rae~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I talk to Tim first. Everyone else is on a need to know basis. I don't go around discussing my beliefs on issues, but if it comes up, I'll share my beliefs. I don't explain myself to anyone, but I will engage in a discussion when the opportunity presents itself in the appropriate sense. I don't let anyone make me feel bad when I don't believe the way they believe. I used to, but I set myself free 7 years ago.

Just as an example, I support gay marriage. My sister vehemently does not. I talk to Tim about issues surrounding the topic, but with others, I only discuss it if the topic comes up. If they get mad or are shockedby how I feel, oh well. Don't really care if you don't accept the way I feel. I am ME. Not you.
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  #9  
October 1st, 2012, 12:45 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Probably just my husband, I can talk to my mom but not about certain issues. She tends to just argue if she doesnt agree.
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  #10  
October 1st, 2012, 12:48 PM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
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I hope everything is ok. It is hard when your beliefs are different than those around you.

I would talk to someone I thought shared my beliefs. Either online to vent or in person. For example, if I was going to breastfeed for a long time and had no support, I would visit the breastfeeding past 1 year subform on the bfeedinb board and vent my frustrations/share my feelings there.

I hope you can find someone to talk to who will be supportive!
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  #11  
October 1st, 2012, 12:59 PM
mccaroline's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My DH and I have talked, he understands how I'm feeling and why. It's people around me who I don't know how to deal with.

I've always done things a certain way, people knew that they could come to me and I'd be there with words of wisdom/comfort. I thought I was very strong in my beliefs, but certain things have made me question what I believe and why I believe it to the point where I'm not even sure I do anymore. So in trying to sort things out in my own head I've withdrawn from all activites that I used to participate passionately in.

Let me tell you, when a very well known passionate person suddenly withdraws from an organization, people take notice! Cripes, I was not prepared for the number of phone calls, letters, emails etc I've received asking if I'm OK, if the family is alright, if I need help, etc, etc. I don't know how to respond to these people because they are all still passionate in this organization. I just need a break and that seems to be unacceptable to these people.
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  #12  
October 1st, 2012, 01:41 PM
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I'd just politely reply that yes everything is fine. you just need a breather.

and if anything, you don't want to talk about it at all. play it off on dh's new job and you need to focus on family for a while
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  #13  
October 1st, 2012, 02:05 PM
~Rae~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with Ro. Don't feel pressured to explain yourself right now. When the time is right, you'll know it. If they love you and are true friends, they will respect your new belief system. They may not agree with it, but that's not important. What is important is that they respect it.
I hope everything is ok with you!
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  #14  
October 1st, 2012, 02:46 PM
mccaroline's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Everything is good with us, and I'm not sure it's a "new" believe per say as much as since some changes in admin took place in this organization I'm not sure I still see eye to eye with everyone else anymore. Then some major life changes took place in our family, job changes and such, and it has me questioning where everything fits.
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  #15  
October 1st, 2012, 02:51 PM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I talk to my DH about it. I have plenty of things I believe in that are weird or different but my family & friends know they have no choice but to accept it.

I hope everything works out for you!
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  #16  
October 2nd, 2012, 07:10 AM
Mama.Angie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'd talk to DH, a close friend, vent here to you girls, and politely tell people that due to some recent life changes you just need some space.

Something of this vague nature happened to me last year.... and I'm STILL dealing with people asking about me, and having to repeat my position over, and over. I've even lost some friends who didn't take the time to understand why I was pulling out, because the info wasn't for all... so those I left out of the explanation thought I was terrible for pulling out and unfriended me. It stings still, especially since I see them at certain social events, but I think if they were in my position, and knew my motives, maybe they'd be less snotty about the whole thing. Who knows.
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  #17  
October 3rd, 2012, 05:33 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mccaroline View Post
Let me tell you, when a very well known passionate person suddenly withdraws from an organization, people take notice! Cripes, I was not prepared for the number of phone calls, letters, emails etc I've received asking if I'm OK, if the family is alright, if I need help, etc, etc. I don't know how to respond to these people because they are all still passionate in this organization. I just need a break and that seems to be unacceptable to these people.
I think it's awesome that they noticed your absence and checked in on you. When I left a church after my dad, who was an associate pastor, had a falling out with the leadership, no one called. No one came by. No one care. I guess they figured I had my parents and didn't need the church, but I wanted to feel like I mattered, kwim?

Anyway, I would talk to Neely first and then my BFF.
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  #18  
October 3rd, 2012, 06:44 AM
mccaroline's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well, we are at a total cross roads, DH understands why I feel the way I do, but wants me to suck it up and just continue on status quo since his family has been members of this organization since the 50's. I'm ready to walk away and pursue other interests.

I have a spiritual director who I haven't been to see in a long time, but who called me the other day because she heard rumour that I have been withdrawn recently so she wanted to check on me. I didn't tell her the whole truth over the phone, but I'm debating calling her to set up a meeting. Maybe she can be impartial and give me some direction.
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