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dh wants to go to school now


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  #1  
November 17th, 2012, 07:00 PM
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so money has been ... well there is no money

dh got denied unemployment cause he had that job fer one day which he gave to his buddy........ funny enough we are now in the EXACT PLACE our friends were .... broke .... 2000 bucks behind on rent.

i dont think we will get kicked out but ....... we are drowning ....

so he was super pissy and depressed today i tried everything to cheer him up . he just said i put him in a worse mood by being happy ........ umm ok suck it

anyways he now says he wants to go to school ... fasfa or w/e

i havent said anything but im pissed

why cant he just get a job instead of fooling around at school???!?! i asked him if he knew what he was doing and he said he just wants to get money .........

well he went to school before fer like 2-3 yrs i think ...... no degree no nothing ... he took yoga and random crap

i think he is just fooling around ./ ........ seriously he wants to just go to school has no ambition as to what he wants out of it ... no in mind career ... this is not like those things where hell figure it out ................. he was in school fer yrs its just guna be him wasting time again and i feel like a bad guy but i wanna tell him to pull up his big boy panties and just get a job.

i have done alot to clean up my act in the past few months and i thought if we both had jobs ... moved out .... we could have another kid ... i wanna nother one .... i wanted another one before 30 guess thats not happening

i dont know how to feel but this is my reaction. good or bad its how i feel atm.

i feel like telling him to grow the **** up

cause yeah this is what i dreamed of .... working so he can **** around

is my reaction wrong?

Last edited by PurpleQueen; November 17th, 2012 at 07:02 PM. Reason: i put dick around but it wasnt **** ... so changed so i not in trouble
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  #2  
November 17th, 2012, 07:41 PM
~Rae~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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His answer to solving a crisis is to enroll in college? Yeah, so I would be pissed. Your reaction is not wrong.

I'm all for education, & push for it in most situations, but this is not one of them.
If I were in your shoes I'd tell him I support him going to school, but only after we are in a better situation financially & once he has decided what he wants to be when he grows up. I'd leave it at that & refuse to discuss college again until those conditions were met. My focus would be on helping him find employment so that your family is not evicted.
If he continued to act so irresponsibly, I would try separating until he gets his act together. I'm not telling you to do that of course, I'm just saying that's what I'd do. You guys have a baby! If his number one goal in a crisis is not to see his family through it by any means necessary, I just don't know what to think.
Good luck to you! I hope you guys are able to work something out.
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  #3  
November 17th, 2012, 08:13 PM
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Oh goodness, I know you're pain.

When I was working and DH was sitting on his butt, it nearly ruined our marriage. That was six months ago and our relationship still isn't healed.

I'm sorry, I would give him am ultimatum, he either needs to get a job or get out. He has a family to support and student loans that you have to pay back is not the answer. He can't act like a child anymore, its time to be a man.

Good for you for working hard on yourself! You should be proud of that, regardless of how your dh is acting.
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  #4  
November 17th, 2012, 09:27 PM
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Ditto and ditto!!
He needs to get off his butt and support his family! Even if he had a degree and job in mind, Coreena Is right, racking up a huge pile of student loans is NOT the answer.
Man oh man girl I would be so livid if I was you....
Time for a reality check for your DH it sounds like!!
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  #5  
November 17th, 2012, 10:33 PM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with everyone above...Your reaction is 100% justified!
KUP on how it works out! Hoping for the best!
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  #6  
November 17th, 2012, 11:19 PM
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I'm sorry and I feel really bad for saying this but he should have thought about what situation would have happened by giving the job to his buddy. That was the wrong move big time. His family should come first period! I hate this for your family but its time for him to grow a pair. Yes an education is important but sustaining your family is also important. I hope you guys can figure something out.
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  #7  
November 18th, 2012, 04:58 AM
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I'd tell him if he wants to go to college he needs to have a career in mind. Also, he can go part-time while working full-time to help support his family! Lots of colleges offer online courses and night classes. He can do those if school is really important to him. But going to college without a career in mind when you are a grown man with a family is unacceptable!
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  #8  
November 18th, 2012, 10:11 PM
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ty gals!! im happy to learn im not a jerk for saying NOT to just go right on and plan your classes and future for your education

since going to school is nearly always a great thing to do period this was tricky for me

and im REALLY glad i post here first ....... i didnt say anything until i got some other opinions in hopes that i could think of some new happy medium

so this is what i said basically :

*your going to school scares me atm

*im broke so go to school .. doesnt make sense to me ..

he said that school doesnt start til january and that he will look for a job before then so he can work in a school schedual

well ....... i found that hard to argue with ... im just hopeing he can full time ANYWHERE sheesh ....... i dont care where . then if we catch up he goes to school ......ANd works part time

i think he just wants to part time a job and go to school .. im not so sure what i feel about even that ...... you have to pay fer school ... not sure if you can get enough grants an stuff fer it to be ALL free.. and paying for school atm isnt what i wanna do ... even if it means im not a good wife for supporting his education (i kinda feel like it . hope he doesnt see it that way either though)
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  #9  
November 18th, 2012, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Rae~ View Post
His answer to solving a crisis is to enroll in college? Yeah, so I would be pissed. Your reaction is not wrong.

I'm all for education, & push for it in most situations, but this is not one of them.
If I were in your shoes I'd tell him I support him going to school, but only after we are in a better situation financially & once he has decided what he wants to be when he grows up. I'd leave it at that & refuse to discuss college again until those conditions were met. My focus would be on helping him find employment so that your family is not evicted.
If he continued to act so irresponsibly, I would try separating until he gets his act together. I'm not telling you to do that of course, I'm just saying that's what I'd do. You guys have a baby! If his number one goal in a crisis is not to see his family through it by any means necessary, I just don't know what to think.
Good luck to you! I hope you guys are able to work something out.
totally hear you on this

it is my greatest wish that we would not have to split for awhile for him to get it together ... and so far with all the wrong he has done ... he in the end does what i ask even though he doesnt like it sometimes ...

he DID NOT do as i would have asked when he gave that job away ... but ......... we talked about that and sadly he has kinda been beating himself up about it . kinda why hes been pissy ..

so hes starting to have this down attitude and talk about how hes never gonna think of anyone else and all this stuff but i know hes just down cause hes had a job since he was 11 and now he doesnt ...

i mean he was often on unemployment cause he was a seasonal worker for like 5-6 yrs? and inbetween those yrs he tried diff things they just didnt turn out to be things he liked .. like i think plumbing ,,, oh and electritian ...

so im trying to make him feel better at the same time as letting him know i wont let him slide to far ,,,,

like enough is enough we know now there is no chance at getting unemployment so its time to move on ...

tick tock tick tock brah
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  #10  
November 19th, 2012, 05:40 AM
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I can understand your reaction. I think he should focus solely on getting a full time job and then maybe taking a night class here or there and eventually getting a degree. If you were in a better financial situation then it would be fine for him to go back to school but you're not and school is expensive. Even with grants and scholarships you will still have to take loans out for living expenses and those don't seem bad now but once he finishes school and can't find a job then what? I don't know if he has gone through the whole FAFSA process but if he is planning on going to school in January he needs to get on that because in January they are taking applications for the 2013-14 school year.
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  #11  
November 19th, 2012, 06:11 AM
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I agree with everyone else. Some ladies had some great points. It does sorta seem like he is just choosing school so that either 1.) He doesn't have to work or work full-time or 2.) He just doesn't feel like finding a job

I had a very strong opinion on the matter with him giving the job to his buddy, but kept most of it to myself because I honestly figured that something would happened and he would eventually learn. Plus, there's no point in beating a dead horse to you when he's the one who actually chose to give the job up. Now look...ya know?

Anyway, I would make it very clear that he needs a full-time job and he can fit in night classes. Maybe suggest that he apply in January for August of 2013?? Marie is right, you do the FAFSA applications in January for the next school year. So if he did the application in January then he would get financial aid for August 2013.

That may be a compromise. He work full-time, get caught up on bills, and then when ya'll get caught up he can go back to school. I have a lot of student loan debt and it sucks to pay it back. I have a good full-time job working for a school district and student loans still are a big bill each month.

Question...are ya'll friends with your landlord or something? Our landlord is a friend of DH's family and sometimes we pay after the 4th (DH gets paid weekly so sometimes we may pay like the 5th or 6th or something instead of the 4th) sometimes. But she would never let us be $2,000 behind in rent. At least ya'll have an understanding landlord or whatever...
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  #12  
November 19th, 2012, 06:15 AM
~Rae~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The two of you are really young in your marriage still, so I can see why you think not being supportive of his decisions may make you a B. Well, it doesn't. Being a good wife does not mean supporting every single thing your husband does. Ideally that would happen since ideally he would never make a decision you didn't see eye to eye on, but we live in the real world.
Being a good wife means listening to his side, effectively explaining your position, then working with him to find a happy medium.

The reason I said I would consider leaving is not based solely on what you have explained in this post. I am thinking about other things you have told us as well. I'm not trying to analyze your DH over the internet, but he seems a bit selfish or immature when it comes to big decisions. Everything seems to be about me, me, me, and doing the least amount of work possible. I didn't say it in your last vent about him and said I I was going to keep my mouth shut, but I felt like he gave that good job away not only to be a good pal to his friend, but mainly because he'd rather take the seasonal unemployment. Don't get me wrong, I get that getting paid while not working is a beautiful thing being that I am a teacher and teachers are a type of seasonal worker, but it's not a beautiful thing when it's not the best thing for your family. At this point in his life, that type of work is not suitable because of where it puts you guys financially.
When we grow up and have families, we do things that we don't necessarily want to do for the good of the family. Just ask any mom who had to return to work at 2, 3, or even 12 months postpartum. Most would have rather stayed at home, but didn't because they did not feel it was the best thing for their families financially.

Like I said in my pp, school is great! It really is. What's not great is when you go at the wrong time or without a plan.
Some may not agree with me, but I can't think of many situations where a grown man with a wife and child should be going to school full-time and working part-time. That's for teens, or maybe for people pursuing a complicated degree such as MD.
If he were my husband and was hell bent on going to school, and we were in your financial situation, he would have to find a job working something like 3-12 and then going to school 1-2 days a week from 8-11. Totally doable.
All that to say that I think he needs a lesson in putting family first and operating as a responsible adult. He needs a mentor or an older man with a family to put his arm around him and really explain the do's and dont's when you have a family. I don't think he got that from his dad.
I really do wish you guys the best of luck. It just really scares me that you and your son will be evicted when it doesn't really have to happen. Please let us know what happens!
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Last edited by ~Rae~; November 19th, 2012 at 06:29 AM.
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  #13  
November 19th, 2012, 06:20 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This may be overstepping some sort of boundary, but has he thought about maybe joining the military?
Honestly, I think it would REALLY benefit your family. He would be able to have school paid for yet have a paying, steady job at the same time. You would have free healthcare for baby boy & yourselves. It seems you guys are in a really bad financial situation that you are not going to come out of anytime soon. I think the military would definitely be something to look into.
Plus, you have said in the past that he has childish ways...Well, the Army would cure him of that. ha

You should think about it & bring it up to him & consider it an option, for sure.
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  #14  
November 19th, 2012, 08:05 AM
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Is he thinking along these lines?

I have not education, so my job choices are limited, and if I keep going to do the same type of jobs I"m going to end up unemployeed AGAIN and never get out of this mess. so I could go to school, get an edcuation, get a better job, get out of this mess, and then not end up in this mess again?

I se his point, if he has a plan, where he'll go to school for X major and get a job after 2 years (or less if what he took before transferes/applies) some of the skilled programs can be done in only 1 year, and then get you a pretty decent job out of it when you are done.

being behind in rent? is that the rent you pay FIL? or your part of what needs to be paid?

could you both look for jobs on alternating shifts so you can get two incomes coming in for a while, even if just till the first of the year to get you caught up?

I don't think I'd be pissed that he wants to do school, but I'd press him to know his plan for it all.
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  #15  
November 19th, 2012, 08:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoaMiracle View Post
This may be overstepping some sort of boundary, but has he thought about maybe joining the military?
Honestly, I think it would REALLY benefit your family. He would be able to have school paid for yet have a paying, steady job at the same time. You would have free healthcare for baby boy & yourselves. It seems you guys are in a really bad financial situation that you are not going to come out of anytime soon. I think the military would definitely be something to look into.
Plus, you have said in the past that he has childish ways...Well, the Army would cure him of that. ha

You should think about it & bring it up to him & consider it an option, for sure.
I can answer any navy questions if this is an option. My husband is currently a recruiter so he can help with any questions.
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  #16  
November 19th, 2012, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by navywifey2003 View Post
I can answer any navy questions if this is an option. My husband is currently a recruiter so he can help with any questions.

That's so funny, I didn't know he was a recruiter! Dylan is a recruiter too, but for the Army! Very cool!
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  #17  
November 19th, 2012, 10:29 AM
irishblessing's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am sorry you are dealing with this and you are totally not wrong or the 'bad guy' in how you are feeling about it.
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  #18  
November 19th, 2012, 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by mandy5586 View Post
I agree with everyone else. Some ladies had some great points. It does sorta seem like he is just choosing school so that either 1.) He doesn't have to work or work full-time or 2.) He just doesn't feel like finding a job

I had a very strong opinion on the matter with him giving the job to his buddy, but kept most of it to myself because I honestly figured that something would happened and he would eventually learn. Plus, there's no point in beating a dead horse to you when he's the one who actually chose to give the job up. Now look...ya know?

Anyway, I would make it very clear that he needs a full-time job and he can fit in night classes. Maybe suggest that he apply in January for August of 2013?? Marie is right, you do the FAFSA applications in January for the next school year. So if he did the application in January then he would get financial aid for August 2013.

That may be a compromise. He work full-time, get caught up on bills, and then when ya'll get caught up he can go back to school. I have a lot of student loan debt and it sucks to pay it back. I have a good full-time job working for a school district and student loans still are a big bill each month.

Question...are ya'll friends with your landlord or something? Our landlord is a friend of DH's family and sometimes we pay after the 4th (DH gets paid weekly so sometimes we may pay like the 5th or 6th or something instead of the 4th) sometimes. But she would never let us be $2,000 behind in rent. At least ya'll have an understanding landlord or whatever...
my landlord is my FIL ... who we do ALOT for ... so we kinda know that he is goin to give us time to get back on our feet .. seeing as im working nearly everyday he knows im doing everything in my power to make his money back for him.

FIL heard about DH wanting to go to school atm and he wasnt pleased .. he said he just needs to get his butt a job and think of that later ... i was like .... man ty FIL ... voice of reason ... im sure they will be talking together about this sometime .. his dads always full of advice .. ALWAYS Lolol
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  #19  
November 19th, 2012, 02:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Rae~ View Post
The two of you are really young in your marriage still, so I can see why you think not being supportive of his decisions may make you a B. Well, it doesn't. Being a good wife does not mean supporting every single thing your husband does. Ideally that would happen since ideally he would never make a decision you didn't see eye to eye on, but we live in the real world.
Being a good wife means listening to his side, effectively explaining your position, then working with him to find a happy medium.

The reason I said I would consider leaving is not based solely on what you have explained in this post. I am thinking about other things you have told us as well. I'm not trying to analyze your DH over the internet, but he seems a bit selfish or immature when it comes to big decisions. Everything seems to be about me, me, me, and doing the least amount of work possible. I didn't say it in your last vent about him and said I I was going to keep my mouth shut, but I felt like he gave that good job away not only to be a good pal to his friend, but mainly because he'd rather take the seasonal unemployment. Don't get me wrong, I get that getting paid while not working is a beautiful thing being that I am a teacher and teachers are a type of seasonal worker, but it's not a beautiful thing when it's not the best thing for your family. At this point in his life, that type of work is not suitable because of where it puts you guys financially.
When we grow up and have families, we do things that we don't necessarily want to do for the good of the family. Just ask any mom who had to return to work at 2, 3, or even 12 months postpartum. Most would have rather stayed at home, but didn't because they did not feel it was the best thing for their families financially.

Like I said in my pp, school is great! It really is. What's not great is when you go at the wrong time or without a plan.
Some may not agree with me, but I can't think of many situations where a grown man with a wife and child should be going to school full-time and working part-time. That's for teens, or maybe for people pursuing a complicated degree such as MD.
If he were my husband and was hell bent on going to school, and we were in your financial situation, he would have to find a job working something like 3-12 and then going to school 1-2 days a week from 8-11. Totally doable.
All that to say that I think he needs a lesson in putting family first and operating as a responsible adult. He needs a mentor or an older man with a family to put his arm around him and really explain the do's and dont's when you have a family. I don't think he got that from his dad.
I really do wish you guys the best of luck. It just really scares me that you and your son will be evicted when it doesn't really have to happen. Please let us know what happens!

maybe this started a little to late . our learning how to decide things together ... and thinking in long term more then what WE want .. in other words make grown up decisions ......... DH is i think pretty selfish .. he was (i think) spoiled in ways ..... (but who isnt i guess) his whole life so this change is just hitting him in the face maybe.

our marragie is soooo new and young .... i dont think ive understood those words til now maybe .. but they really say alot for us atm.

he had like . no relationship with his dad .......... even though they lived together til DH was like 16 i think .... then he left home ... (he did get his diploma thank goodness)

im pretty sure he has no idea how to BE a husband since his mother and father werent really together ... they lived together and stayed together as like an act .... for the kids ...... they didnt talk and love and share .. the dad was at work nearly 24/7 and slept when he was at home .. his answer to life was to not be there in any way since he wasnt happy i think

either way ..... i think hes done a better job then his dad as a husband since he actually loves me ... that helps .... but as we are learning how to work as a couple hes going to have to really take into count that its not just him anymore . he has an entire family to think of . anything less will ruin us . i just hope like other still married couples that we get thru things together somehow.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mandy5586 View Post
I agree with everyone else. Some ladies had some great points. It does sorta seem like he is just choosing school so that either 1.) He doesn't have to work or work full-time or 2.) He just doesn't feel like finding a job

I had a very strong opinion on the matter with him giving the job to his buddy, but kept most of it to myself because I honestly figured that something would happened and he would eventually learn. Plus, there's no point in beating a dead horse to you when he's the one who actually chose to give the job up. Now look...ya know?

Anyway, I would make it very clear that he needs a full-time job and he can fit in night classes. Maybe suggest that he apply in January for August of 2013?? Marie is right, you do the FAFSA applications in January for the next school year. So if he did the application in January then he would get financial aid for August 2013.

That may be a compromise. He work full-time, get caught up on bills, and then when ya'll get caught up he can go back to school. I have a lot of student loan debt and it sucks to pay it back. I have a good full-time job working for a school district and student loans still are a big bill each month.

Question...are ya'll friends with your landlord or something? Our landlord is a friend of DH's family and sometimes we pay after the 4th (DH gets paid weekly so sometimes we may pay like the 5th or 6th or something instead of the 4th) sometimes. But she would never let us be $2,000 behind in rent. At least ya'll have an understanding landlord or whatever...


ok ok see!! im liking this more then ever !!!

new ideas every post im telling you ladies you save me!!! i really like the idea of him working full time til august ... sign up now then in AUGUST go to school ............

this could work .. not saying for sure this is what will happen i havent talked to dh about this potion yet .. BUT .... i think that might just work .... we have to see where we are money wise when the time comes but with me working so much we should be at least caught up!!
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  #20  
November 19th, 2012, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoaMiracle View Post
This may be overstepping some sort of boundary, but has he thought about maybe joining the military?
Honestly, I think it would REALLY benefit your family. He would be able to have school paid for yet have a paying, steady job at the same time. You would have free healthcare for baby boy & yourselves. It seems you guys are in a really bad financial situation that you are not going to come out of anytime soon. I think the military would definitely be something to look into.
Plus, you have said in the past that he has childish ways...Well, the Army would cure him of that. ha

You should think about it & bring it up to him & consider it an option, for sure.
i havent thought of that ........ arent we to old? dh and i are 28 i thought you had to be like 25 .. i could look into the ages ... but i do know that he wanted to join the air force and fly but he got really upset cause he is nearly blind ... no way they let him fly any kinda plane ...

does your REALLY eye sight mean you cant join any armed forces? i mean he BARELY is considered legal to drive .. the lady at the dmv sad with a stern face she REALLY didnt wanna give him his licence but he passed by a hair ...
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