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DH and I "go out" once every few months when his friends come to town from Colorado. Brynlee stays with either FIL or MIL. We pick her up the next morning. Do I get wasty faced like I did in college? No. Do I have more than a few drinks? Yes. DH and I went out for New Years. His mom drove us and picked us up. Drinking and driving is out of the question always.
I do agree that when you have kids, you have responsibilities. I disagree with whomever said "no drinking in front of kids". IMO, that's stupid. DH and I sometimes both have ONE drink if we go out to dinner even if Brynlee is with us. We don't have a drink every time. And sometimes only one of us has one. But I do not think it's wrong to have an adult beverage with your child home or around. We also drink beer while swimming, camping, watching baseball games, etc.
This weekend, we went to visit my brother and SIL. After BB and the other baby went to bed, we all stayed up (6 of us) drinking beer and playing cards. I don't see how that would make someone a bad parent. My child is fed, bathed, and comfy in her bed. I had 3 beers. Sure, some might argue that those 3 beers fog my judgement if something were to happen, but ya know what? If I were sound asleep and something were to happen, my judgement would be fogged then, too.
Now I don't agree with the parents who go out every weekend or multiple times in a weekend. It's just not something I would do. I'm not saying they are bad parents--it's just not how I choose to live. I love hanging out with my daughter. I do enjoy being an adult and have adult time, too but not enough to spend every weekend away from her getting drunk.
My SIL's SIL (a mother of two) ALWAYS makes FB status updates that say things like, "Oh my gosh! You are a MOM, you do not need to party! I love my kids!" and crap like that. While I may agree about the people she is talking about, I'd never make stupid FB updates like that.
Well I think every parent should have the opportunity to unwind and have time for themselves or to hang out with their friends. However, if you know you have to go home to your kid(s) that same night and/or will have to care for them in the am I don't agree with getting so drunk you care barely walk, can't drive, etc. I don't think that's responsible but all parents are humans too and we all need to blow off some steam every now and then. I also don't think it's ok to party every single weekend either but that's just me.
Before I became pregnant with Mya I was out partying every weekend with friends, I was never in the house and if I was it was simply to sleep or recover from a hangover. :/ Now though I hardly ever go out because I'm pretty busy with Mya and school. After a long work/school week I much prefer going home early on a Friday, hanging out with Mya until her bedtime, watching some tv and doing some homework and going to bed (hopefully early but it never works out that way). I did go out a couple times in Dec-Jan while I was on winter break from school but I haven't been out since then and it honestly wasn't all that fun I would've much preferred to get to bed early. LOL When I do happen to go out I only allow myself 1-2 beers or glasses of wine. I stay away from liquor now because I hate the taste and I hate the feeling of hangovers.
But honestly, I say to each his/her own. Everyone's situation is different and we should all concern ourselves with our own families and situations. Just my !
Neely and I go out about once per month. Usually he is playing a show. Like Shante said, I think every parent has the right to go out and unwind in the way that they choose as long as they do so responsibly.
Neely and I do not drink at the same time if we are driving and when we are not driving, usually one of us doesn't drink as heavily as the other. Lately we've been taking two cars to go out so neither of us drink.
I feel that parents do need/deserve a chance to go out and have time to just get rejuvenated. If they choose to go partying while their children are are being otherwise looked after then that is their choice. Obviously, drinking and then picking up your kids would definitely be BAD but drinking and driving is bad under any circumstances. I don't necessarily think coming home and resuming care of your sleeping children is a huge issue. Provided you aren't like totally all out drunk lol.
I personally think it was an issue if someone was doing it every weekend, looking forward to that more than spending time with the kids, hung over in the morning, coming home too drunk to be able to respond to kids if they wake up etc. There is a huge difference between a good mom that just wants to go let loose for a night and one that lives to party instead of parent.
As for drinking in front of the kids. We do, and don't have an issue with it. I'm talking a few drinks over the course of a night while camping or at a friends place, not getting totally smashed in front of your kids.
And yes, when I see mothers on my facebook who are constantly taking pictures of all their crazy parties and hardly take care of their own children. I do think they are immature and bad parents. Maybe that isn't the truth, but it sure comes across that way.
I think the women interviewed in that article are nuts. Rae hit it dead on, becoming a mom does not mean you stop being an adult,a women,a person with other interests.
That said, those moms who dump their kids off every weekend to party. and the ones who get wasted while they have their kids drive me insane. The people around here try to convince me to drink/get drunk after the kids are in bed all the time. I get pretty ticked about it. What do they do when something happens and no one is sober to drive to the ER?
The other extreme isn't much better though. Try going 2 years without a night out or a day off and see how sane you feel.
Great question! Since my hubby and in are trying so hard to rebuild our relationship, we have been having date night every couple of weeks and my mom watches Haley, or sometimes my stepdaughter watches her when it's her weekend with hubby.
This is usually dinner and a few drinks, no clubbing or anything, but we did go to a restaurant where there was dancing once, and to a couple live music venues. We definitely don't drink and drive, in fact my husband is addicted to this service here in LA called "Uber", it is a town car service (not as fancy as it sounds lol, it's basically a cab ride in a nicer car for a little more money, but he is trying hard to woo me right now) where they have your credit card info on file and so you just have to tip. It's really fun though, you feel pretty spoiled and the drivers are super nice.
I think that its important for your relationship with your husband/so to get out without the kids regularly. You have to nurture that relationship too. But I don't agree with going out every weekend without the kids or getting so drunk that you can't care for your kids in the morning.
I do have an acquaintance that is single and post pics every weekend of herself out drinking with friends. I always think "ummm...where is your daughter?" Sad thing is she posted a pic of her with her daughter recently (who is 6) and someone posted on that pic asking who the little girl was! When she responded that it was her daughter the girl was like I didn't know you had a kid!
Hubby and I are not big drinkers so its never an issue. We do drink a glass of wine or something on occasion when our kids are home. Never when the youngest is awake...but our older kids are 10 and up so its not a big deal. They have never seen us drunk or consuming more than a glass or two. I think if you act like alcohol is this horrible thing then they will be too curious about it.
I think there has to be a line somewhere. Going out on occasion and having a few drinks is one thing, going out every weekend while dumping your kids at Grandmas and getting ****faced is not ok, and totally irresponsible.
I think once you have children they need to come first. If they are fed, cared for, and happy, then sure go out for the evening. But you'd better be able to tend to your responsibilities come morning time.
When it comes to drinking in front of your kids, I think a few drinks is ok. I do NOT think it is ok to be drunk in front of your kids though.
Proud mama to:
Avery Elizabeth (08/27/2011) & Dawsyn Brielle (10/29/2013)