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  #1  
March 4th, 2013, 11:16 AM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Do you think men and women can be "just friends"?
Do you or DH have friends of the opposite sex you hang out with?
Do you spend one on one time with people of the OS, or only hang out as a group?
Do you and DH feel the same way about this, or do you disagree?
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  #2  
March 4th, 2013, 11:28 AM
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Do you think men and women can be "just friends"? Yes.
Do you or DH have friends of the opposite sex you hang out with? One of DH's best friends is female. She and her husband moved to Colorado so we don't see them often anymore. One of my (former) best friends is a guy. He lives 3 hours away though.
Do you spend one on one time with people of the OS, or only hang out as a group? He could hang out with her and I wouldn't care at all, but we always do things as a group or the 4 of us. I used to hang out with my best guy friend by myself all the time.
Do you and DH feel the same way about this, or do you disagree? We agree. We don't have many opposite sex friends that we hang out with though. I think it becomes a little...different when you get married, I guess.
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  #3  
March 4th, 2013, 11:33 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Do you think men and women can be "just friends"? yes, I think they can be friends
Do you or DH have friends of the opposite sex you hang out with? personally we do not
Do you spend one on one time with people of the OS, or only hang out as a group? we are usually in a group
Do you and DH feel the same way about this, or do you disagree? I think we do. It hasn't come up so we haven't really discussed it. Neither of us have close friends of the opposite sex.
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  #4  
March 4th, 2013, 11:36 AM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So in both of your marriages, it would be no problem if your DH and a girl friend went to the movies or out for dinner, just the two of them? That's not weird for any of you?
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  #5  
March 4th, 2013, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tricia_16_ View Post
So in both of your marriages, it would be no problem if your DH and a girl friend went to the movies or out for dinner, just the two of them? That's not weird for any of you?
It honestly depends on the friend. A new female friend who he randomly wants to go to dinner with alone? Heck no! But this friend, Amber, has been his best friend for years. So I would see no problem with them going to dinner or a movie (even though DH doesn't "do" movies so I don't see that ever happening). But DH always wants me to go. Even if I don't want to go out when they come to town, he insists that I go and "doesn't want to explain why I'm not there". I think it would be strange if he didn't invite me though.

The best guy friend I mentioned, I used to talk to him every day on the phone and text/e-mailed throughout the work week. If he lived here, I am sure we would still go to dinner and hang out...maybe. He "cut off" our friendship for about a year and his excuse was that things are different now that I am married and pregnant.

Now exes that you're "friends" with is a different story, in my book. He told me the other day that he had lunch with his ex, Ashley. I was like hmm, interesting. This ex is an ex that he was engaged to when he was like 20. She was pregnant back then, but had a miscarriage. Anyway...He was doing inspections at the State Hospital, she works there. Then he told me, "Yeah, Rob invited her". (Rob and Ashley are cousins.) So I don't think it's weird. What IS weird is that we ran into her at the grocery store and she was talking about us getting Brynlee and her youngest daughter together for a playdate...uh...yeah...no.

So yeah, it honestly just depends. I still talk to some exes (just via facebook) because we didn't end badly so we are still "friends", but I wouldn't hang out with them and especially not just the two of us.
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  #6  
March 4th, 2013, 12:28 PM
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Do you think men and women can be "just friends"? yes
Do you or DH have friends of the opposite sex you hang out with? yep.
Do you spend one on one time with people of the OS, or only hang out as a group? usually we all hang out in groups since we're all friends.
Do you and DH feel the same way about this, or do you disagree? we feel the same way.

Tricia, I think it depends. Like if I couldn't go to something or w/e, I'd still like them to go and have fun. If he suddenly had a new female friend that he was wanting to specifically hang out with without me I might at least ask a few questions to get a feel for the situation.

Currently we have a couple we're friends with. DH is deployed with the woman and they hang out all the time during off time. Like get coffee, go to chow together, go shopping at the PX together. And I spend some time with the man, mostly playdates for the kids and occasionally lunch or something. I know a lot of military and military spouses that would not be ok with that but it works for us.
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  #7  
March 4th, 2013, 03:11 PM
irishblessing's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Do you think men and women can be "just friends"? Yes
Do you or DH have friends of the opposite sex you hang out with? Not really - see below
Do you spend one on one time with people of the OS, or only hang out as a group? We mostly hang out as a group or with another couple. Sometimes just I or just DH will spend time with another couple but not usually one on one with the opposite gender.
Do you and DH feel the same way about this, or do you disagree? I think we feel the same. I do think it's different to have old friends vs new friends. I don't think either of us would take to well to the other meeting a new friend of the opposite gender and wanting to spend time alone with the. We are both pretty careful with making new friends and usually keep our guard up when it comes to spending time alone with others.
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  #8  
March 4th, 2013, 03:52 PM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I actually dont really think its possible. I think one person in the friendship is always secretly attracted to the other person lol I personally can only think of a few guys I consider real friends, one is an ex and the other is that ex's brother. The history with me and the ex is enough to ensure we would never hang out just the two of us, but us and him and his wife do often hang out as a foursome, and the ex's brother is like a brother to me. We could hang out without it being weird, but never have.

DH only has friends who were ex's, and since I never met either of them I would not be okay with them hanging out alone. Not a trust issue, I just don't think it's appropriate.

We both agree that we would never hang out alone with someone of the opposite sex.

I can see how it would be different if either of us had lifelong friends that were the opposite sex before we met though!
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  #9  
March 4th, 2013, 04:24 PM
CoreenaC's Avatar Carter-Carter's Momma
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I agree with you Tricia. We are conservative and any individual male and any individual female together, alone, is likely for someone to develop feelings and is something to be avoided. We don't chat with individuals of the opposite sex out of respect for our spouse and would never go out one on one with someone of the opposite sex, aside from parents, alone. I trust my husband fully but know how things can get when you are alone with someone. I had a guy kiss me in high school when we were out on an assignment away from campus and he kissed me and then went back to school and was snoozing on his girlfriend (now wife!). I could never allow myself to be in a situation like that again.
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  #10  
March 4th, 2013, 04:35 PM
Laurenj915's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Do you think men and women can be "just friends"?Yes
Do you or DH have friends of the opposite sex you hang out with? casual friends but not close
Do you spend one on one time with people of the OS, or only hang out as a group? Group
Do you and DH feel the same way about this, or do you disagree? We agree that spending alone time with someone of the opposite sex could create problems and trust issues so we don't
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  #11  
March 4th, 2013, 04:46 PM
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Given my recent history with my cheating XH, I have to say I am very skeptical that men and women can be just friends. But I know in my rational brain that is an issue with HIM, not with men and women in general. I will be nervous in the future if any man I am involved with has close female friends.
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  #12  
March 4th, 2013, 05:03 PM
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So next question...if DH had a close female friend for years BEFORE meeting you (general), would you NOT allow him to continue being friends with her? Or would you insist that you are always there?
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  #13  
March 4th, 2013, 05:06 PM
~Rae~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think they CAN be friends, but it just depends. A lot of the time the "friend" is someone that you tried to date, it didn't work out, and they were pushed into the friend category. Even if that happened a long time ago, it's just kind of weird to me.
We don't have any friends of the opposite sex other than coworkers, so no one really close to us.
I wouldn't go out with a male friend alone, and Tim wouldn't either.
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  #14  
March 4th, 2013, 05:33 PM
CoreenaC's Avatar Carter-Carter's Momma
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For me, it wouldn't be that he couldn't be friends but more that their friendship would take a backseat to our marriage and any and all contact would be open and honest and the spouse should have access and knowledge. It really just goes against my gut instinct for there to be private conversations and "dates" between two uninvolved people of the opposite sex.
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  #15  
March 4th, 2013, 05:40 PM
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I don't consider my DH talking to his best female friend (no, they never dated, no they never tried to date, they have always just been friends) to be wrong or inappropriate. They don't talk every day or anything like that, but they do talk every month. When she comes to town with her husband, they come see us and Brynlee. We all go out to dinner or go "out" for drinks. They don't have private conversations or go on dates. As far as when I used to talk to my guy friend all the time, I wouldn't say anything to him that I wouldn't say in front of DH.

I DO have a problem when intimate conversations start to happen between "friends". I think that happens often. But I do not agree with cutting off friendships just because you get married.
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  #16  
March 4th, 2013, 05:43 PM
CoreenaC's Avatar Carter-Carter's Momma
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I would not ask my husband to give up a friendship. We, in fact, had an ex girlfriend of his live with us for a time to help her out. However, per the original question, one on one time is not tolerated on either of our parts and would never be considered appropriate. If his ex wanted to come visit, she'd be welcomed with open arms, but she would not be left alone with my husband.
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  #17  
March 4th, 2013, 07:07 PM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mandy5586 View Post
So next question...if DH had a close female friend for years BEFORE meeting you (general), would you NOT allow him to continue being friends with her? Or would you insist that you are always there?
I'll be honest: it would ALWAYS be a big deal with me lol I am a tooootally jealous person! And I would always make such a big deal out of it and we would fight every single time he saw said person that I think it would either stop or we would break up lol

I think (for me) it all stems from the ex I mentioned earlier. He met a girl Chaylyn who joined his university team. She was new to town and had no friends, so my ex befriended her. It ALWAYS bugged me. I could tell she liked him but he insisted they were just friends and I should trust him since we were going on 5 years together. Long story short: he broke up with me and was dating her less than a month later, and they're married now!

He would still swear to this day that he didn't have feelings for her until AFTER he broke up with me lmao please!!!
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  #18  
March 4th, 2013, 07:18 PM
r&lsmama
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Do you think men and women can be "just friends"? Yes I do
Do you or DH have friends of the opposite sex you hang out with? We do
Do you spend one on one time with people of the OS, or only hang out as a group? It depends on the person, but both situations usually happen.
Do you and DH feel the same way about this, or do you disagree? We both agree
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  #19  
March 4th, 2013, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mandy5586 View Post
So next question...if DH had a close female friend for years BEFORE meeting you (general), would you NOT allow him to continue being friends with her? Or would you insist that you are always there?
XH did have a female friend from before we met. They have never dated. She called right before our wedding asking him to call it off and then refused to come to the wedding. For the ten years we were together she continued to invite him on vacations and overnights with her. She would invite JUST HIM. Not me, not the family, just him. He could not see what the problem was. Um, HELLO? I think, though, that if the situation had been different and she AND HE had included me, I would not have had a problem. I would not have objected to taking a trip to visit her. AS A COUPLE, LOL. I think I would want to be included most of the times they got together, but if the vibe was ok when I was included, I hope I could be rational enough to be ok with them having lunch together without me or somethign like that. I would never be ok with my husband taking a trip with another woman, though!
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  #20  
March 4th, 2013, 08:25 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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My husband does not have any friends from before me, we started dating when he was 16. And he works in a male dominated field so its not much of an issue. We do have friends that are couples that we hang out with together as a couple. I dont think we would ever spend time alone with the opposite sex but just because thats not us. I think it is fine for other people but for us its just not something we do or have ever done.
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