[*CrabLegs*]

DH and I have a couple that we're good friends with. We don't talk to them even weekly but we try to get together every few months (we both have hectic schedules) and are pretty close. When we were pg with DD they were one of the first people we told. They had one early MC and JUST had a second MC in the 2nd tri . It is just heartbreaking, they are wonderful people and are devastated. My heart breaks for them and I hope they get to have a little one soon, they would be such wonderful parents (they have no children yet) and definitely don't deserve this heartache. I wish I could do something to make this less painful for them.

Normally I would have already told them that we're expecting again. They told us both times early on that they were pg. I actually felt a bit bad for getting pregnant after her this time, I didn't want to "take away" from her spotlight at all, especially after her 1st pg ended in MC. Now that she's lost the baby I really dread telling her I'm having my second. I feel so guilty after all they've gone through. She flat out asked me the other day (after her loss) when we're trying for #2. It was so sweet of her to even ask about us when they're in the midst of such an awful situation, but that's just the type of people they are. I avoided the question, just saying "Ahh, we'll see" and changed the subject.

WWYD? I hate withholding this info but I just don't want to cause them anymore pain. I also don't want them to be insulted that we held off on telling them but I think they might understand why . . .

[stephanieaehenley]

thats a hard thing but i think you have to do what you feels is right for you and hers relationship!

[sarakaye0726]

Thats tricky.. I just had a similar situation. I recently started telling a few more friends, and on sunday I spent the day with a couple girlfriends... one of whom had just (2 days prior) m/c at 6 weeks. Apparently my other friend had mentioned to her that I was pregnant... when my friend who m/c brought up my pregnancy, I was initially mortified. Everything, though, ended up being ok. She's optimistic about trying again ("it was our first month trying....did you use OPK's....when do you think I should try again....we're sad, but we're just going to try again" sort of thing) though I will admit I was uncomfortable discussing my own pregnancy around her.

With your friends, I would maybe wait a week or two for them to continue processing their own loss. They deserve a bit of time and space to grieve. If they happen to ask why you waited so long, I'd be honest. Though like you said, they'll probably figure on your own why you waited.

your poor friends my heart breaks for them also.

[twoplusone]

I am in a similar situation. My best friend has one dd who is 6 and has been trying forever for a 2nd. My second is 2.5 and now with our little suprise baby on the way I dont know how to tell her either.

IT comes down to the fact that if this person is truly a good friend they will be happy for you and even if they are a tad envious, or sad they will get over it for your sake. Good luck.

[rosiewells]

I don't think withholding information is a good idea. That might bother them more than the fact that you are pregnant again. I know I am not fond of people lying or withholding information from me. Also, you cannot control how people react to anything. People have a choice on how to react to any thing that is presented to them, and you have no control over it no matter how much you think you can try to influence their feelings (even if you are trying to influence their feelings for the better). So, you cannot control how they react to your pregnancy. No matter how they react, it is not your fault that they CHOOSE to feel the way they feel. Like a previous poster said, if they are really good friends they will be happy for you, possibly a little jealous, but still mostly happy for you.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes!

-Rosie

[MountainMomma]

As someone who has been in the friend's shoes. Tell her. The sooner the better. Tell her exactly how you told us. Let her know that you hate not telling her, and that you feel badly for her and how much you hope she gets her rainbow baby soon, but I will tell you, the longer you wait, the more it hurts.

[AmyLM]

Tell her. She's your friend and will be happy for you. She's sad because she's lost two but that doesn't mean she isn't going to be happy for you. Ditto what MountainMomma said.

[Mom2twolittlemen]

I think you should def tell her. I think she could potentially be more hurt th longer you wait. What a sad situation
I'm sorry

[AmbiMom]

I agree with the others. Tell her, as her friend she will be happy for you. I believe it would harder to think that she has lost any closeness with you over her loss.

[*CrabLegs*]

Thanks ladies. I will tell her the next time we talk. She will have had some time to start to heal and I will explain why I waited. I know they are hopeful and will try again but I'm sure they're very scared and discouraged.

[sarah*]

I would tell her, when i lost ryleigh everyone was afraid to talk to me about babies etc, yes it hurt me alot when i found out others were pregnant and i would go home and cry but after a week or two i got used to the fact and moved on continuing to focus on my life and trying for another baby etc.. i think i would of been more sad if the info was kept from me

[Hoping]

I would tell her, but very sensitively. Tell her in a private place where she can cry if she needs too and perhaps toward the end of your visit or on the phone so she can get away from you if she needs too. It is a hard situation. I have actually not been on your end, but on the end of the person that was being told.

[bellasky]

Just read your post and I recently went through something similar. My best friend from high school is 3 months pregnant and told me that she was. She also told me that she was scared to tell me because she didn't want to upset me. She knew about my lost last year and didn't know that I lost another one last week. I told her that I would always want to know so that I could be happy and celebrate with her. Yeah I wished that I was pregnant too and it was a little sad for me but I am so happy for her. Your friend might understandably be a little jealous and sad but she should be happy for you. I hope things went well.