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Forum: February 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Krysie
  • 1 Post By mamatomany
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  • 1 Post By stephanieaehenley
  • 1 Post By terryterry
  • 3 Post By JoyandNumberFive
  • 1 Post By Surrounded

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  #1  
January 18th, 2013, 02:53 PM
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So I am not sure how to ask this question. I am going to breastfeed and so I know it is important for dad to find something that he can do to bond with baby. My husband is great and I know that he will help however but I was just curious do you have special activities for dad or is it just whatever needs to be done?
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  #2  
January 18th, 2013, 02:58 PM
Krysie's Avatar Regular
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All i can think of is letting him hush the baby to sleep.
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  #3  
January 18th, 2013, 03:08 PM
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My DH has never had trouble bonding with baby -- I think just holding and cuddling them is plenty to get daddy started. Just let him ease into the 'bigger' tasks like changing clothes and diapers since dads sometimes are nervous about the tiny bodies. I think most dads find things they love doing with baby pretty quickly.

Mine also likes photography and so he usually gets lots of great newborn shots, which I think is a fun thing for him even though it's not a traditional 'bonding' activity.
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  #4  
January 18th, 2013, 03:28 PM
eiramillek's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My husband was really great with our first. He would always get up when she did and change her diaper and then bring her to me to feed. I never had to get out of bed in the middle of the night. To me, that was the biggest help. He'd go back to sleep while I fed her.

As far as everything else, he helped with anything I needed as he'd get his snuggles in with her too.

I'm sure DH will be even more of a help now that we will have a toddler and a newborn!
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  #5  
January 18th, 2013, 03:53 PM
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Dh does a lot of holding, cuddling and singing. I don't have him do much with he baby other than that. I bf so I am up already and do the middle of the night diaper changes. I don't see a reason for him to get up too since he works. Plus baby sleeps right next to me. But I also don't turn down any offers to help.
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  #6  
January 18th, 2013, 04:57 PM
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well my dh will help a lot more with our son cause he is 2 , but i pump so he can feed the baby bottles and he will cuddle and change diapers too
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  #7  
January 18th, 2013, 05:30 PM
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Oh yeah, and he helps more with the older kids than with the baby.
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  #8  
January 18th, 2013, 07:24 PM
terryterry's Avatar Super Mommy
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I don't have any experience here, but I did talk to a dad who was pretty much exclusively in charge of bathing the baby. He liked it because it gave him a thing to do with the baby that was his, the way breastfeeding was for mom.
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  #9  
January 18th, 2013, 07:35 PM
JoyandNumberFive's Avatar Super Mommy
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Skin to skin contact is great for mom and baby AND dad and baby too so that is one great way!

I think mama just backing off and not insisting things always are done "her way" is a great thing for Dads too. Sometimes we mamas want everything with our babies done our way but Dads just have a different way so it's good to let them parent in their way too IMO
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  #10  
January 18th, 2013, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terryterry View Post
I don't have any experience here, but I did talk to a dad who was pretty much exclusively in charge of bathing the baby. He liked it because it gave him a thing to do with the baby that was his, the way breastfeeding was for mom.
I like this idea! Maybe we will do this for my husband
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  #11  
January 18th, 2013, 08:10 PM
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The only thing DH hasn't done is nursing - and when she was born he would even help, he'd tickle her feet to keep her awake so she'd nurse, she was very sleepy at first. Oh and he said he'd trim her fingernails as I was nervous about that but he didn't do that well so I ended up doing it (somewhere around 3 years he took it over though, it was getting to be a struggle).

Everything else - he's on top of. He did all diapers in the hospital. He's done every single bath of her life (the crouching would be hard for me). Starting day 6, he would take her out on his own - first just very short grocery runs due to the nursing - largely to give me a brief break. [Comparatively, I probably didn't get out on my own with her till around 6 months!] But he is fearless, despite no prior baby experience, and doesn't understand why some dads feel afraid of it all.

I think with some dads, first sometimes the mom makes him feel like he's not doing it the "right way", but also sometimes I think mom needs to just leave him alone with the baby (or older child if not sooner) and let him fend for himself, find some confidence that he can handle things ok (even if not exactly the way mom would do it).
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  #12  
January 18th, 2013, 08:46 PM
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Snuggles, nail clippings, baths, and belly buttons kind of gross me out so he does umbilical chords too.
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  #13  
January 19th, 2013, 08:39 AM
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[QUOTE=JaneDoe;26989985]

I think with some dads, first sometimes the mom makes him feel like he's not doing it the "right way", but also sometimes I think mom needs to just leave him alone with the baby QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was thinking about when I asked the question but I didn't know how to ask it. I want to try to help my DH learn his role as I think he will be nervous and I know sometimes
moms can make it worse. I have huge mama bear hormones right now and I can feel my blood pressure rise when I think of certain people holding my baby. LOL. Yikes. I just really don't want to be that mom and I hope I can help DH feel comfortable.

Sorry for the wierd quotes by computer is acting up.

Last edited by Sassalota; January 19th, 2013 at 08:42 AM.
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  #14  
January 19th, 2013, 08:43 AM
tryn1998's Avatar Veteran
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I didn't BF DD2 and DH really didn't have much to do with her for the 1st year (he feels bad about it and realizes the difference between the kids but he doesn't treat her any differently now) and I did BF DS and he still had a bonding relationship with him. I don't think it matters if you BF or not, babies typically prefer mom in the first year or 2 anyways. DH was great about helping me get DS to sleep and I kinda gave him DS when DS was awake so that he could atleast see and talk to him. I think the dad just being in the picture is enough and just making sure that he holds the baby frequently too.
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  #15  
January 19th, 2013, 08:43 AM
eiramillek's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My biggest piece of advice to any new mom and dad would be to just have open communication. If you want dad to help out, tell him. Sleep deprivation in the beginning plus all put crazy hormones can cause us to be extra emotional and get frustrated easily. If you need his help and need him to do something - tell him. Don't try to be super mommy and do everything yourself. A lot of dads have to learn how to help and if you never let him help, you can't be surprised later on down the road when he doesn't help out.

For us, daddy was involved in everything. We liked doing things together. So neither of us had one specific thing we did (except nursing for me) so we bathed together, took turns changing diapers, etc. BUT I've met many a family where it worked out better that way.

Have a discussion about it now. Some dads will jump right in, some will need some guidance. I know my DH was in charge of swaddling at the hospital because try as I might, I sucked at it. I also don't think I changed a single diaper at the hospital, he was just on top of it.

Just as it'll be trial and error with your new little one, it'll also be trial and error figure out your parenting roles and getting into a routine - but it'll happen! Just remember - open communication and give dad room to figure stuff out on his own. It's okay that it takes him 10 minutes to figure out a diaper change. He'll get there and be changing them in 5 seconds before you know it!
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  #16  
January 19th, 2013, 10:46 AM
calijk's Avatar First Time Mommy!
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My best friend has this issue with her baby girl..she BF and the baby NEVER wanted to go to the Dad..He was upset about it and didnt really feel like he was bonding as much as the Mom was. I am planning to BF and dont want the same thing to happen..I know i will be going back to work so gonna have to pump. I am hoping that by pumping, my SO will be able to feed him the milk from bottles and hopefully that will help!
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  #17  
January 19th, 2013, 12:23 PM
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These are all good comments. Thanks! I think I just want to make sure DH feel valuble and needed and I like the bath time idea. It gives him something that is just his with baby.
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  #18  
January 19th, 2013, 07:50 PM
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I came out pretty banged up from DD1's C-section because of the epidurals so DH helped me a lot. He changed diapers, helped me time feedings (we had feeding issues), helped me bathe her because I was having trouble holding her, he washed bottles that I pumped into, put milk in the fridge. He also got up with me to do feedings the first week, after that he didn't do it every single time but it was because he was so sleep deprived and had to get up and go to work the next morning. DH would also rock her to sleep or just hold her so they could bond.
We co-sleep so DD definitely bonded with him even early on. It was the easiest for me as a breastfeeding mom and honestly, even now she cuddles up to him at night and completely forgets about me being in the bed. She prefers to cuddle up to him. She still goes down for naps with him if they sit on the glider and he sings to her. Oh, and another thing that they do together is read books right before bedtime. They've been doing that for as long as I can remember.
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  #19  
January 20th, 2013, 08:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassalota View Post
I want to try to help my DH learn his role as I think he will be nervous and I know sometimes moms can make it worse. I have huge mama bear hormones right now and I can feel my blood pressure rise when I think of certain people holding my baby. LOL. Yikes. I just really don't want to be that mom and I hope I can help DH feel comfortable.
A simple idea, especially if your DH is nervous and/or if you're concerned that you might be a little overbearing despite your best intentions, is to ask him to take the baby for a little walk, to give you a brief break. It can be as short as you're both comfortable with, you feed the baby first and can even prep the baby if necessary, but once they're out, they're on their own, he doesn't have you to ask for guidance and you can't offer when it's not necessary - but he still can easily come back if he really feels in over his head. Alternatively, you can be the one to go out briefly and ask him to watch the baby. If all goes well gradually increase the increments, and hopefully the confidence starts building and extending into other interactions with the baby too.
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  #20  
January 21st, 2013, 06:15 AM
Mommytoeight2013's Avatar Super Mommy
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I plan on breastfeeding as well. So my husband plans on changing diapers, handing the baby to me when time to feed, holding the him when he's awake...etc.
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